I have a new blog! From now on I will be writing at www.threeworldsofbg.blogspot.com
I'd love you to come and have a look.
It's been wonderful sharing my adventures Sydneyside with you all :)
love B
Thursday, December 15, 2011
The last post in Sydney- from Melbourne
Things in your head very rarely turn out quite like you expect on the plate.
That is in many ways how I feel about this blog post. It would have been really lovely to have a final blog post from this blog, written on my final day or two in Sydney. A beautiful opportunity to reflect on all that is happened, all that I have learnt.
But of course, the last two weeks have been spent finishing work and packing and cleaning the house. So my final post "Sydney-side" is actually being written at my parent-in-laws dinning room table in Camberwell :)
But, in this un-ideal reality I thought I would be still worthwhile reflecting on my time in Sydney, and particularly the goodbyes of the last few weeks.
SYDNEY
It really is a special city. In many ways its always seemed surreal, catching a train to work over the harbour bridge, hanging at darling harbour, driving the 20 minutes it takes to get to Bondi. I have enjoyed living there. But the main things that have made our time in Sydney have been People, College, Church, and Newtown. God has provided some terrific friends, friends that have been with us through some really tough times, laughed with us through the fun times, and been some amazing godly examples to us. College has been wonderful, both for supplying many of the above friends, but also for the wonderful stretching Tim has been through as he's wrestled with God's Word in great depth. Church has been such an important part of our lives in Sydney, in many ways they have been our family. And Newtown has been such a fun place to live, in many ways feeling like another character in the play of our lives in Sydney.
THE LAST FEW WEEKS
The last few weeks have been mad, so many goodbyes, some really positive and happy, some really sad. I have felt so loved and appreciated by those I've worked with. The thoughtful presents from Playgroup people, the words of encouragement, and the support of our future plans has been great comfort through the pain of change. When I look back on these last few weeks, I am very aware of God's goodness in providing lots of evidence that the last three years of ministry have not been in vain. This is not aways the case for those of us in ministry, and it is a great comfort as I step into a new life and a new role, to see that God can use me despite my weakness
NOW?
Now, well, now is time to get a new blog. I'm going to do some work on it tonight, and hopefully have it ready in the next week :) Stay tuned for the link!
Thanks for following my Sydney adventures!
love B
That is in many ways how I feel about this blog post. It would have been really lovely to have a final blog post from this blog, written on my final day or two in Sydney. A beautiful opportunity to reflect on all that is happened, all that I have learnt.
But of course, the last two weeks have been spent finishing work and packing and cleaning the house. So my final post "Sydney-side" is actually being written at my parent-in-laws dinning room table in Camberwell :)
But, in this un-ideal reality I thought I would be still worthwhile reflecting on my time in Sydney, and particularly the goodbyes of the last few weeks.
SYDNEY
It really is a special city. In many ways its always seemed surreal, catching a train to work over the harbour bridge, hanging at darling harbour, driving the 20 minutes it takes to get to Bondi. I have enjoyed living there. But the main things that have made our time in Sydney have been People, College, Church, and Newtown. God has provided some terrific friends, friends that have been with us through some really tough times, laughed with us through the fun times, and been some amazing godly examples to us. College has been wonderful, both for supplying many of the above friends, but also for the wonderful stretching Tim has been through as he's wrestled with God's Word in great depth. Church has been such an important part of our lives in Sydney, in many ways they have been our family. And Newtown has been such a fun place to live, in many ways feeling like another character in the play of our lives in Sydney.
THE LAST FEW WEEKS
The last few weeks have been mad, so many goodbyes, some really positive and happy, some really sad. I have felt so loved and appreciated by those I've worked with. The thoughtful presents from Playgroup people, the words of encouragement, and the support of our future plans has been great comfort through the pain of change. When I look back on these last few weeks, I am very aware of God's goodness in providing lots of evidence that the last three years of ministry have not been in vain. This is not aways the case for those of us in ministry, and it is a great comfort as I step into a new life and a new role, to see that God can use me despite my weakness
NOW?
Now, well, now is time to get a new blog. I'm going to do some work on it tonight, and hopefully have it ready in the next week :) Stay tuned for the link!
Thanks for following my Sydney adventures!
love B
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Slowly disappearing
Man moving is weird.
It is going so fast. And one of the reasons it is going so fast is because we are so busy. Packing is going quite slowly. Every time I set aside for packing, someone invites us to do something. Hmmmm- hanging out with friends we will not longer live near or packing.
Which do you think I choose?
:)
B
I feel like such a goose. I just read this post and realised that it didn't make sense- the title is "slowly disappearing" and then I say "going so fast". Perhaps shares more about my crazy brain that the post itself :)
It is going so fast. And one of the reasons it is going so fast is because we are so busy. Packing is going quite slowly. Every time I set aside for packing, someone invites us to do something. Hmmmm- hanging out with friends we will not longer live near or packing.
Which do you think I choose?
:)
B
I feel like such a goose. I just read this post and realised that it didn't make sense- the title is "slowly disappearing" and then I say "going so fast". Perhaps shares more about my crazy brain that the post itself :)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
For Term 4
Why do I do ministry?
I do ministry for Term 4
Ministry can be really hard. It can be such a term 1. Lots of admin, lots of organisation, lots of asking people to do this or that and have them say no and thinking "For once I wish I could say no- but I can't because I'm paid to do this". New relationship where you can't tell if people are shy or if they actually don't want to talk to you! All that careful planning and you still find yourself saying "Why didn't I do this task before the madness of the year began!"
But I do ministry for Term 4
Ministry can be really crazy. It can be such a Term 2. Seeing an event you were going to run sneaking up on the calender, and having to decide that its just not going to happen. Exhaustion as everyone Else's long weekend is your busy time. A whirl wind of emotions, as one week you see Teenagers get so excited about God, and the next week someone suggests that there is something wrong with the way you are leading Bible study. And all the prep for a big ministry event- with the fruit still along way off.
But I do Ministry for Term 4
Ministry can be really exhausting. It can be such a Term 3. And amazing week of Kids Club- but with no time to recover before it's back to work again. All the events that all ended up in the same month, despite your supposed careful planning of the church calendar. All the people who suddenly want to meet, learn, grow, find out about Jesus, who you are so excited about- and yet how do you fit them in? All the personal drama's that always seems to come up right on the day of a talk your giving, a Bible study your leading, or a kids talk you are doing. And all you can do is dry your eyes, pray like crazy, and do your job.
But I do Ministry for Term 4
Term 4! The relationships that after a year are deep enough so that people actually come to you to talk about things of God. The kids who go from seeming to get nothing from your teaching- to all of a suddenly showing they were listening all along. Parents who start to think that maybe taking kids to church is a priority. Women who shyly tell you they have started meeting with someone to read the Bible and they'd like some advice. People who become Christians. People who get Baptised. People who grow. People who change. Term 4 is where the rubber hits the road, when you SEE and don't just know- that no work you do for the Lord is ever in vain.
I write this because ministry is hard. It is sometimes a Term 1, 2, and 3 and at those times I forget the big picture. But Term 4 doesn't happen without the hard slog through the others.
And I do ministry for Term 4
B
I do ministry for Term 4
Ministry can be really hard. It can be such a term 1. Lots of admin, lots of organisation, lots of asking people to do this or that and have them say no and thinking "For once I wish I could say no- but I can't because I'm paid to do this". New relationship where you can't tell if people are shy or if they actually don't want to talk to you! All that careful planning and you still find yourself saying "Why didn't I do this task before the madness of the year began!"
But I do ministry for Term 4
Ministry can be really crazy. It can be such a Term 2. Seeing an event you were going to run sneaking up on the calender, and having to decide that its just not going to happen. Exhaustion as everyone Else's long weekend is your busy time. A whirl wind of emotions, as one week you see Teenagers get so excited about God, and the next week someone suggests that there is something wrong with the way you are leading Bible study. And all the prep for a big ministry event- with the fruit still along way off.
But I do Ministry for Term 4
Ministry can be really exhausting. It can be such a Term 3. And amazing week of Kids Club- but with no time to recover before it's back to work again. All the events that all ended up in the same month, despite your supposed careful planning of the church calendar. All the people who suddenly want to meet, learn, grow, find out about Jesus, who you are so excited about- and yet how do you fit them in? All the personal drama's that always seems to come up right on the day of a talk your giving, a Bible study your leading, or a kids talk you are doing. And all you can do is dry your eyes, pray like crazy, and do your job.
But I do Ministry for Term 4
Term 4! The relationships that after a year are deep enough so that people actually come to you to talk about things of God. The kids who go from seeming to get nothing from your teaching- to all of a suddenly showing they were listening all along. Parents who start to think that maybe taking kids to church is a priority. Women who shyly tell you they have started meeting with someone to read the Bible and they'd like some advice. People who become Christians. People who get Baptised. People who grow. People who change. Term 4 is where the rubber hits the road, when you SEE and don't just know- that no work you do for the Lord is ever in vain.
I write this because ministry is hard. It is sometimes a Term 1, 2, and 3 and at those times I forget the big picture. But Term 4 doesn't happen without the hard slog through the others.
And I do ministry for Term 4
B
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Objections to a song
Last week at playgroup, in the middle of one of my songs, three year old Max stamped his way to the front of the kids.
One hand went on his hip, the other was pointed at me and gesuring as he talked. He has the most adorable Aussie/Polish accent.
"Belinda. We shouldn't sing this song. It is a bad song. Spiders are bad. They bite you and they put venom in you and they hurt you and kill you."
The Mum's in the group began to laugh, while I did my best to keep a straight face, to keep singing, and to use gaps in the song to rescue poor Insy-Winsies now tanished reputation!
love B
One hand went on his hip, the other was pointed at me and gesuring as he talked. He has the most adorable Aussie/Polish accent.
"Belinda. We shouldn't sing this song. It is a bad song. Spiders are bad. They bite you and they put venom in you and they hurt you and kill you."
The Mum's in the group began to laugh, while I did my best to keep a straight face, to keep singing, and to use gaps in the song to rescue poor Insy-Winsies now tanished reputation!
love B
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Teaching the Christmas story at playgroup
(This is actually a post I planned and took photos for last year and never got around to posting, but better late than never!)
The nature of our playgroup is that it is a group run for people in the community, and our prayer and hope is that it might lead parents and kids to develop an interest in God and Jesus. This means that times like Christmas and Easter are important- because they are very natural times for talking about such things.
The first year I ran playgroup I decided to do two weeks on the Christmas story with the kids. The first week I found a good story book and read it through. On the second week, when I got to a picture of the "nativity scene" I asked if any of the kids remembered who the characters in the story were. One boy yelled out "Santa" and another girl cried "The Wiggles". I realised then that perhaps with pre-schoolers I needed a few more weeks to get the story to stick :)
The follow year, and this year, I worked out a cool way to cover the Christmas story, assisted with some suggestion from the website kidzlink which has some great ideas which I stole and adapted for my situation and style.
The first thing I did was get a plastic plant we had at church and turned it into a Christmas tree!
The nature of our playgroup is that it is a group run for people in the community, and our prayer and hope is that it might lead parents and kids to develop an interest in God and Jesus. This means that times like Christmas and Easter are important- because they are very natural times for talking about such things.
The first year I ran playgroup I decided to do two weeks on the Christmas story with the kids. The first week I found a good story book and read it through. On the second week, when I got to a picture of the "nativity scene" I asked if any of the kids remembered who the characters in the story were. One boy yelled out "Santa" and another girl cried "The Wiggles". I realised then that perhaps with pre-schoolers I needed a few more weeks to get the story to stick :)
The follow year, and this year, I worked out a cool way to cover the Christmas story, assisted with some suggestion from the website kidzlink which has some great ideas which I stole and adapted for my situation and style.
The first thing I did was get a plastic plant we had at church and turned it into a Christmas tree!
Then I brought in my nativity scene which my sister bought me when she went to Israel. I like it because its really rustic, it's not very comercial, and in some ways it represents quite well I think the simplicity of the first Christmas.
Each week I choose part of the Christmas story to cover. Usually in the first week I do the Angel telling Mary and Joseph they are going to have Jesus, the second week they go to Bethlehem and have Jesus, the third week the shepherds and the fourth week the wise men.
I wrap up the pieces of the nativity scene which come up in that week. I don't have an angel in my set so I had to use this ornament :)
Once the pieces are wrapped, I place them underneither the Christmas tree
Each week I pick a few kids (making sure its not the same ones every week!) to unwrap the "presents" and then I use the figures to tell the story.
I love it, because it involves the kids, they don't just hear but they see and touch as well, and we have multiple weeks to go over the story. It also starts with things they associate with Christmas (presents and trees) and uses them to bring it back to the real reason behind the celebrations.
To keep emphasising it, I also show them the pictures from the Beginner's Bible, which I think does a great job of covering the Christmas story.
It is amazing how much more the kids take it. They love looking at and holding the Baby Jesus. And each week I get to say- "Christmas is actually all about Jesus"
And so far this year, we haven't had a single mention of the Wiggles. Thought the term is not over yet!
love B
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Time
There is a silly joke in our household. Tim and I have some similar taste in movies and TV shows (Sci-fi and adventure sitting pretty high on the list), but one thing that brings us together like nothing else is the Back to the Future Movies. We both loved them as kids, we still love them as adults. One of the jokes that occasionally comes up is the excitement of counting down until we reach 2015. Because, despite no advancements to suggest this is the case yet, of course by 2015 there will be flying cars and most particularly hover-boards. That reminds me, I need to start working on my skateboard skills in preparations ;)
Time is such a weird thing.
We have just a little under a month and a half until we move to Melbourne for good. It hit me this week that I could no longer feel super organised by saying "Yes, I think I'll probably start packing this week". Three weeks ago, that was super organised. This week, given that I haven't actually even put together a box, I realised that a month is not a long time to pack up a house, while working pretty much full time and socialising the rest of the time.
It has hit our year of College that things are almost over. And so the next three weeks or so are filled with lots of "Final events". Final College dinner in the playground. Final Bible study social. Final book club, final chapel, extra four year specific thanksgiving service. Official College good-bye dinner and any number of goodbye dinners that we organise just because we are going to miss everyone. A friend and I were saying, it's great that we are being so social, but we wish we'd realise how much we'd miss our year sooner so we could have fit all these events into the whole year and not just the last month!
And so, even though it will be a special and meaningful month, I feel a little dizzy when I think about it. Because I already feel exhausted coming home from work to quickly cook dinner before heading out again. Adding packing to the mix seems like a bit much.
We have been in Sydney for Four years. Sometimes it seems like the time has flown and sometimes it seems that four years cannot be enough time to fit in all that we have experienced, the good and the bad. Nothing has been as I have expected- the things I thought would be hard have not been, the things that I thought would be easy have not been. But God has got us to this point anyway, and I am grateful.
On Tuesday, Tim will sit his last exam for a very long time. And then, we will get ready to pack up and leave this Sydney life forever.
Time is such a weird thing.
Love B
Time is such a weird thing.
We have just a little under a month and a half until we move to Melbourne for good. It hit me this week that I could no longer feel super organised by saying "Yes, I think I'll probably start packing this week". Three weeks ago, that was super organised. This week, given that I haven't actually even put together a box, I realised that a month is not a long time to pack up a house, while working pretty much full time and socialising the rest of the time.
It has hit our year of College that things are almost over. And so the next three weeks or so are filled with lots of "Final events". Final College dinner in the playground. Final Bible study social. Final book club, final chapel, extra four year specific thanksgiving service. Official College good-bye dinner and any number of goodbye dinners that we organise just because we are going to miss everyone. A friend and I were saying, it's great that we are being so social, but we wish we'd realise how much we'd miss our year sooner so we could have fit all these events into the whole year and not just the last month!
And so, even though it will be a special and meaningful month, I feel a little dizzy when I think about it. Because I already feel exhausted coming home from work to quickly cook dinner before heading out again. Adding packing to the mix seems like a bit much.
We have been in Sydney for Four years. Sometimes it seems like the time has flown and sometimes it seems that four years cannot be enough time to fit in all that we have experienced, the good and the bad. Nothing has been as I have expected- the things I thought would be hard have not been, the things that I thought would be easy have not been. But God has got us to this point anyway, and I am grateful.
On Tuesday, Tim will sit his last exam for a very long time. And then, we will get ready to pack up and leave this Sydney life forever.
Time is such a weird thing.
Love B
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Two highlights from the week
I am a shocker of a blogger. To be honest- blogging on this blog has been pretty low on my list of priorities. And I don't really apologise for that. But I feel I would have to apologise if I let two very important events pass by without a shout out to the blogisphere!
Number 1: Tim has finished his project and college! Well, kind of the second one. He still has one exam to go, but he's quitely confident, and he's finished classes (true story, the last lecture of his degree he actually was the lecturer, how funny is that! He and a mate from the class ran a fun lecture of preaching). He has also finished his project, which is basically his honours thesis. And I am proud not only because it's done but because it's fabulous. He did his project on "Hope". How non-academic and practical is that! Of course it was an academic paper, but I read it and felt encouraged as a Christian so go Tim!
I thought I would find the photo of facebook of Tim where he looks the smartest. What do you think?
Highlight number two was three of the girls from Tim and my Bible study who got baptised on the weekend. It was such a special day, so special to see them make this important step in acknowledging their faith. I got to hang out with them as they got ready, I got to pray for them at church, and most priveledged of all, I've got to see them grow into the fine Christian women that they are. Super proud moment :)
Number 1: Tim has finished his project and college! Well, kind of the second one. He still has one exam to go, but he's quitely confident, and he's finished classes (true story, the last lecture of his degree he actually was the lecturer, how funny is that! He and a mate from the class ran a fun lecture of preaching). He has also finished his project, which is basically his honours thesis. And I am proud not only because it's done but because it's fabulous. He did his project on "Hope". How non-academic and practical is that! Of course it was an academic paper, but I read it and felt encouraged as a Christian so go Tim!
I thought I would find the photo of facebook of Tim where he looks the smartest. What do you think?
Highlight number two was three of the girls from Tim and my Bible study who got baptised on the weekend. It was such a special day, so special to see them make this important step in acknowledging their faith. I got to hang out with them as they got ready, I got to pray for them at church, and most priveledged of all, I've got to see them grow into the fine Christian women that they are. Super proud moment :)
Despite my lack of blogging, I am planning on continuing to blog, and am kinda excited about starting with a fresh new name when I am no longer Sydney-side. I do like blogging. I just like it in moderation.
love B
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Website
Our Church plant has it's own website! It is in it's early stages, but it's still pretty exciting.
www.gracechristiancommunity.org.au
Have a look!
love B
www.gracechristiancommunity.org.au
Have a look!
love B
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Working at something you are not good at
This last few weeks have been mad in our household. Things haven't been too crazy for me, but they have been mad for Tim.
He's been very busy with study, and he's been doing I suspect about 1.5 days worth of work on the church plant on top of that.
Of course, I would love him to not be as busy, and for us to spend our usual amount of time together, but the truth is, I am also incredibly proud of him.
Tim is not an administrator. He is not a money man. And he is not an IT person. But in the last month he has worked his butt off to work out how to do all these things, so that the church plant can get off the ground.
He hasn't enjoyed it. He has been dreaming longingly of the time when he can leave that behind and put his time into ministry planning.
It's funny because Tim's one of those people who lots of things come easy to him. He is confident up the front, he is someone who loves preaching and teaching, and people naturally warm to him without him having to put in too much effort to win their affections. Ministry is never easy, but it's always come more naturally to him than to many of the rest of us.
Making websites, setting up bank-accounts, and understanding tax laws, does not come easy to him.
But it's been wonderful to see him working hard for God, because something is important, not because it's easy.
It's a challenge for me, because I am someone who hates being bad at anything. So much of the time I run to things I'm good at, congratulating myself on my abilities (which are God's gift anyway) and avoiding things that might make me look or feel bad because I am not as competent as others.
Tim's efforts these last few weeks have been a good reminder to do what is best for the kingdom, and not just what is easy.
love B
He's been very busy with study, and he's been doing I suspect about 1.5 days worth of work on the church plant on top of that.
Of course, I would love him to not be as busy, and for us to spend our usual amount of time together, but the truth is, I am also incredibly proud of him.
Tim is not an administrator. He is not a money man. And he is not an IT person. But in the last month he has worked his butt off to work out how to do all these things, so that the church plant can get off the ground.
He hasn't enjoyed it. He has been dreaming longingly of the time when he can leave that behind and put his time into ministry planning.
It's funny because Tim's one of those people who lots of things come easy to him. He is confident up the front, he is someone who loves preaching and teaching, and people naturally warm to him without him having to put in too much effort to win their affections. Ministry is never easy, but it's always come more naturally to him than to many of the rest of us.
Making websites, setting up bank-accounts, and understanding tax laws, does not come easy to him.
But it's been wonderful to see him working hard for God, because something is important, not because it's easy.
It's a challenge for me, because I am someone who hates being bad at anything. So much of the time I run to things I'm good at, congratulating myself on my abilities (which are God's gift anyway) and avoiding things that might make me look or feel bad because I am not as competent as others.
Tim's efforts these last few weeks have been a good reminder to do what is best for the kingdom, and not just what is easy.
love B
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Things I'm loving right now
SPRING!
Spring is sprung the grass is ris, I wonder where the birdies is.
They say the bird is on the wing.
That's absurd, the wing is on the bird!
That is little saying my Dad has said for every Spring since I can remember. It's a bit strange, but I keep up the tradition, though usually only in my head.
I love spring! I love cherry blossoms and birds songs and early morning sunshine and weather in it's mid 20s and blue skies. And linked in with spring.
MY SANDAL THONGS
These are the same shape if not the same pattern as mine (mine are even nicer). I suspect it wasn't actually Gisele Bundchen who invented her range of sandal/thongs but whoever did, I want to make them a mango smoothie. They are comfy enough to walk decent distances in, and they are casual but they look lovely. And in the end of summer sales at Myer they cost only $20. Loving having them on again.
KNITTING!
I am loving knitting so much. Seriously, what a great way to somehow legitimise all the time I spend in front of the TV. I have knitted before but struggled with how long it takes, but now I've worked out the secret to knitting fast.
Using really big needles.
I've just made a woolen shrug which I absolutely love although I did leave my run to late and haven't been about to wear it in this gorgeous weather. I've also been knitting for a family member's baby and it turns out when the person you are knitting for is 10 times smaller than you, it takes a tenth of the time to make. And it turns out alot cuter too!
PRAYING with Friends
I just joined my 2nd Prayer triplet yesterday. They have different focuses and different people in them, and I love both of them. So great to be able to pray with others, particularly as it's been something I've been struggling a bit with on my own.
MY TEENAGE BIBLE STUDY
On Sunday one of the teens pouted and said "Why do you leave us, just when we learnt to love you?" I always loved them, but I've been really appreciating them all, as they have been appreciating Tim and I, because I know we have only a term left together. Some of the girls are getting Baptised in October, and I've been loving our weekly coffees/baptism classes :) So great to see those little year seven's we started with beginning to take their faith really seriously. So encouraging. Not to mention they are tonnes of fun!
I don't write this post about things I love because I'm going wonderfully or because there are only good things going on. That is not the case. It's been a hard month, and hard year.
But there are things that bring me joy, and I want to dwell on and celebrate them.
God is giving me good things every day.
Love B
Spring is sprung the grass is ris, I wonder where the birdies is.
They say the bird is on the wing.
That's absurd, the wing is on the bird!
That is little saying my Dad has said for every Spring since I can remember. It's a bit strange, but I keep up the tradition, though usually only in my head.
I love spring! I love cherry blossoms and birds songs and early morning sunshine and weather in it's mid 20s and blue skies. And linked in with spring.
MY SANDAL THONGS
KNITTING!
I am loving knitting so much. Seriously, what a great way to somehow legitimise all the time I spend in front of the TV. I have knitted before but struggled with how long it takes, but now I've worked out the secret to knitting fast.
Using really big needles.
I've just made a woolen shrug which I absolutely love although I did leave my run to late and haven't been about to wear it in this gorgeous weather. I've also been knitting for a family member's baby and it turns out when the person you are knitting for is 10 times smaller than you, it takes a tenth of the time to make. And it turns out alot cuter too!
PRAYING with Friends
I just joined my 2nd Prayer triplet yesterday. They have different focuses and different people in them, and I love both of them. So great to be able to pray with others, particularly as it's been something I've been struggling a bit with on my own.
MY TEENAGE BIBLE STUDY
On Sunday one of the teens pouted and said "Why do you leave us, just when we learnt to love you?" I always loved them, but I've been really appreciating them all, as they have been appreciating Tim and I, because I know we have only a term left together. Some of the girls are getting Baptised in October, and I've been loving our weekly coffees/baptism classes :) So great to see those little year seven's we started with beginning to take their faith really seriously. So encouraging. Not to mention they are tonnes of fun!
I don't write this post about things I love because I'm going wonderfully or because there are only good things going on. That is not the case. It's been a hard month, and hard year.
But there are things that bring me joy, and I want to dwell on and celebrate them.
God is giving me good things every day.
Love B
Monday, September 12, 2011
Enevitable Change Funk
I've been in a funk of late.
Easily loosing it emotionally. Snappy and less sensitive with Tim. Less motivated with house chores/everything.
It was only today it hit me.
The change factor.
When I was about 3 months out of getting married, I fell apart. Tim was actually really worried, who was this crazy emotional women who had taken over from the lovely lady he proposed to! I still remember on a Sunday morning at that time, getting ready to clean the unit I was sharing with a friend. Mum came over. I burst into tears, she ripped the vacuum out of my hands, sat me on the couch, and did the vacuuming for me. What a Mum!
But the most valuable thing was that she commented that of course I was loosing it. I was about to go through a change. I always struggle in the lead up to a change. "Been like this since you were 4 years old" said Mum.
For her it was an "Of course" moment, but for me it was a huge break-through.
Change totally freaks me out emotionally and I need to be aware of that and be prepared for it.
Tim has taken this news on board, and done a fabulous job of talking me through and encouraging me through change. And today he gave me another breakthrough moment when he commented that of course I was emotional, I was getting ready for change.
As far as change goes- moving cities, church planting, and leaving one job to an unknown future is pretty high up there on the change-odometer.
One comment Tim often makes to comfort me through change is that I am actually a great hand at dealing with it. I've been through tonnes of changes in the last 7 years, and most of the changes have actually been good/positive ones, which I've dealt with well. Almost as if I put all the angst into the lead up and then cope fine at the change itself.
I've actually started to think maybe I am not such a change hater after all.
But this month, that same little 4 year old peaks out her ugly head and throws her usual change tantrum.
Please pray that I will cope okay over the next few months, and that the changes will be good.
Love B
Easily loosing it emotionally. Snappy and less sensitive with Tim. Less motivated with house chores/everything.
It was only today it hit me.
The change factor.
When I was about 3 months out of getting married, I fell apart. Tim was actually really worried, who was this crazy emotional women who had taken over from the lovely lady he proposed to! I still remember on a Sunday morning at that time, getting ready to clean the unit I was sharing with a friend. Mum came over. I burst into tears, she ripped the vacuum out of my hands, sat me on the couch, and did the vacuuming for me. What a Mum!
But the most valuable thing was that she commented that of course I was loosing it. I was about to go through a change. I always struggle in the lead up to a change. "Been like this since you were 4 years old" said Mum.
For her it was an "Of course" moment, but for me it was a huge break-through.
Change totally freaks me out emotionally and I need to be aware of that and be prepared for it.
Tim has taken this news on board, and done a fabulous job of talking me through and encouraging me through change. And today he gave me another breakthrough moment when he commented that of course I was emotional, I was getting ready for change.
As far as change goes- moving cities, church planting, and leaving one job to an unknown future is pretty high up there on the change-odometer.
One comment Tim often makes to comfort me through change is that I am actually a great hand at dealing with it. I've been through tonnes of changes in the last 7 years, and most of the changes have actually been good/positive ones, which I've dealt with well. Almost as if I put all the angst into the lead up and then cope fine at the change itself.
I've actually started to think maybe I am not such a change hater after all.
But this month, that same little 4 year old peaks out her ugly head and throws her usual change tantrum.
Please pray that I will cope okay over the next few months, and that the changes will be good.
Love B
Friday, September 2, 2011
Novel Spelling
Oh Dear...
After several weeks off I started back onto my novel. While working away, suddenly Microsoft Word gave me a pop-up box I had never seen before. It informed me that there were so many grammatical and spelling errors in my document that it could no longer show them all, but if I wanted to check my spelling or grammar I would from now on have to run my own manual check.
!!!!!!!
Has this ever happened to anyone else in the history of Microsoft word before!
I like to think it's because I've been so wonderful in actually writing 65,394 words, and that of course when a document gets big these things happen.
I like to think it's because I'm writing Fantasy so Microsoft doesn't recognise all the cool people and place names that I've brilliantly invented..
I'm hoping it's because I can't spell, and I've never been able to spell. I think spelling is a completely over-rated talent in this new world of wonderful spell correcting technology- and bad spelling doesn't make someone a bad writer.
But bad grammar does. I'm hoping it's not because I'm a really bad writer.
But it did make me laugh.
Love B
After several weeks off I started back onto my novel. While working away, suddenly Microsoft Word gave me a pop-up box I had never seen before. It informed me that there were so many grammatical and spelling errors in my document that it could no longer show them all, but if I wanted to check my spelling or grammar I would from now on have to run my own manual check.
!!!!!!!
Has this ever happened to anyone else in the history of Microsoft word before!
I like to think it's because I've been so wonderful in actually writing 65,394 words, and that of course when a document gets big these things happen.
I like to think it's because I'm writing Fantasy so Microsoft doesn't recognise all the cool people and place names that I've brilliantly invented..
I'm hoping it's because I can't spell, and I've never been able to spell. I think spelling is a completely over-rated talent in this new world of wonderful spell correcting technology- and bad spelling doesn't make someone a bad writer.
But bad grammar does. I'm hoping it's not because I'm a really bad writer.
But it did make me laugh.
Love B
Sunday, August 21, 2011
An answered prayer
I am having a wonderful Bible reading month.
I have been getting such joy and help from everything I am been reading.
Of course, it's not normally like that. My parent's instilled in me the wonderful habit of reading the Bible before bed, and so it's something that I don't struggle to do. But I struggle sometimes to concentrate. I struggle sometimes to learn. I struggle sometimes to remember what I read the day before. I do it, because i know it is good for me, and because I know God's word is powerful and I need it in my life. But I don't always do it because I enjoy it.
I encourage our teenagers at church to read the Bible every day but they struggle with it. It just doesn't hold the same addictive power as Vampires, or Angels or other super-nature teenagers and their complicated life-styles! And I understand that. I actually made a new rule this year- read my Bible before I read fiction. Because I would read fiction until I was sleepy and then...oh wait, Bible.
But I think i need to keep reminding them and myself that it is a process. That you do go through periods where it just seems boring and hard to understand, and that is just because of who we are, sinners who don't realise what we have. That doesn't mean you give up or stop- good things sometimes take hard work. You persevere, and you ask God to change you and help you, and to mercifully help you to enjoy what is such a special and magical thing.
And you expect that sometimes it will be hard.
But you can also expect that sometimes it will be a joy. And at those times you need to just ride the wave and read like crazy :)
Love B
I have been getting such joy and help from everything I am been reading.
Of course, it's not normally like that. My parent's instilled in me the wonderful habit of reading the Bible before bed, and so it's something that I don't struggle to do. But I struggle sometimes to concentrate. I struggle sometimes to learn. I struggle sometimes to remember what I read the day before. I do it, because i know it is good for me, and because I know God's word is powerful and I need it in my life. But I don't always do it because I enjoy it.
I encourage our teenagers at church to read the Bible every day but they struggle with it. It just doesn't hold the same addictive power as Vampires, or Angels or other super-nature teenagers and their complicated life-styles! And I understand that. I actually made a new rule this year- read my Bible before I read fiction. Because I would read fiction until I was sleepy and then...oh wait, Bible.
But I think i need to keep reminding them and myself that it is a process. That you do go through periods where it just seems boring and hard to understand, and that is just because of who we are, sinners who don't realise what we have. That doesn't mean you give up or stop- good things sometimes take hard work. You persevere, and you ask God to change you and help you, and to mercifully help you to enjoy what is such a special and magical thing.
And you expect that sometimes it will be hard.
But you can also expect that sometimes it will be a joy. And at those times you need to just ride the wave and read like crazy :)
Love B
Saturday, August 6, 2011
An important purchasing decision
I have a few minutes spare and so I walk into the newagent. I have a really important purchase coming up, and I want to make sure I have put thought into it before I buy.
I love newsagents. I am not someone who likes spending money, but if I was, I would spend it on stationary. I still remember the joy of my first "proper job"- and being shown the stationary cupboard and being told "take whatever you need". Pens, texta's, pretty paper, highlighters. It's a magical world.
But I'm not here for pens.
I walk through rows of notebooks. A5 of course. A5 is perfect because it's portable. And this purchase must be portable.
But they are plain, boring, and very ordinary. And very ordinary is fine for my work notebook. But not for this.
A lady directs me to the "pretty section", and I begin to smile. So many lovely ones. I eye the leather ones jealously. They look so "authorey" but they are expensive, and usually don't have lines I like.
There is a beautiful blue shiny one with glitter and ocean-shades. I open it up, only to realise it's not ring bound. It must be ring bound. I need to be able to flip over the page, so that wherever I am, I can prop up a knee, and write
I open another one. It is a bit plain, but still pretty. But the lines are too widely spaced.
I sigh as I look. When I'm shopping for clothes, usually after a few minutes of flicking up a few tags to look at prices, and running my hands along a row of hangers- I realise, today is not a day where I have patients for shopping. Today is similar. I'm just not ready. This is an important purchase- and I must get it right.
The frustrating thing is that somewhere lost at home i have a lovely, red-leather bound notebook with perfectly spaced lines. It has no ring binding, but it was a present from a dear friend- and this covers up a multitude of sins. It seems appropriate too- because my current writing notebook was a gift as well. A simple pink notebook with a black panel filled with poka-dots.
But my beloved poka-dot journal is on it's last legs. And appropriately enough- there is just enough space to take the notes I need to finish my novel.
I think that is partly why this is an important purchase. This is the next stage. This notebook will be for my next writing project, my next novel. That idea fills me with excitement. What fun I will have! What ideas will be worked on and processed and work-shoped or will just come?
And such ideas need a pretty place to play.
I love newsagents. I am not someone who likes spending money, but if I was, I would spend it on stationary. I still remember the joy of my first "proper job"- and being shown the stationary cupboard and being told "take whatever you need". Pens, texta's, pretty paper, highlighters. It's a magical world.
But I'm not here for pens.
I walk through rows of notebooks. A5 of course. A5 is perfect because it's portable. And this purchase must be portable.
But they are plain, boring, and very ordinary. And very ordinary is fine for my work notebook. But not for this.
A lady directs me to the "pretty section", and I begin to smile. So many lovely ones. I eye the leather ones jealously. They look so "authorey" but they are expensive, and usually don't have lines I like.
There is a beautiful blue shiny one with glitter and ocean-shades. I open it up, only to realise it's not ring bound. It must be ring bound. I need to be able to flip over the page, so that wherever I am, I can prop up a knee, and write
I open another one. It is a bit plain, but still pretty. But the lines are too widely spaced.
I sigh as I look. When I'm shopping for clothes, usually after a few minutes of flicking up a few tags to look at prices, and running my hands along a row of hangers- I realise, today is not a day where I have patients for shopping. Today is similar. I'm just not ready. This is an important purchase- and I must get it right.
The frustrating thing is that somewhere lost at home i have a lovely, red-leather bound notebook with perfectly spaced lines. It has no ring binding, but it was a present from a dear friend- and this covers up a multitude of sins. It seems appropriate too- because my current writing notebook was a gift as well. A simple pink notebook with a black panel filled with poka-dots.
But my beloved poka-dot journal is on it's last legs. And appropriately enough- there is just enough space to take the notes I need to finish my novel.
I think that is partly why this is an important purchase. This is the next stage. This notebook will be for my next writing project, my next novel. That idea fills me with excitement. What fun I will have! What ideas will be worked on and processed and work-shoped or will just come?
And such ideas need a pretty place to play.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
A week of tears
This week is the week of the due date for our baby that never got to be due.
It is such a hard, messy, sad, horrible week. It is a week of remembering. It is a week of tears. It is a week of love that is still there even after our baby is gone from this earth. Love that will probably always be there.
It is a week of asking Why? Why? Why? Of imagining a life that is so different to what is actually here.
And it's a week of realising just how empty a pair of arms can feel.
love B
It is such a hard, messy, sad, horrible week. It is a week of remembering. It is a week of tears. It is a week of love that is still there even after our baby is gone from this earth. Love that will probably always be there.
It is a week of asking Why? Why? Why? Of imagining a life that is so different to what is actually here.
And it's a week of realising just how empty a pair of arms can feel.
love B
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Two terms of Playtime to Go!
We've hit the "5 months to go" mark in the previous week.
Quite extrodinary. Really, moving to Melbourne seems to get closer and closer every day ;)
But of course there is a lot of sadness, particularly when I think of saying goodbye to the kids and families I've been working with over the last three years.
I was thinking of some of the most memorable Playgroup kid moments (warning- some of these are repeats from other posts):
-Little Lisa, such a gorgeous little treasure! If she sees me sitting down will come up behind me and pretend to "cut" my hair. "It's too longer, it's too longer" she says, as she pretends to cut it with some fake sissors from the playgroup doctors kit. "Stay still" she says, if I move my head to much, in a very hairdressery voice.
-Little Hayley, after struggling to say my name for nearly a year, finally calls me "Aunty Bananna"
-Ren, who insisted for a while on "Playing Belinda" before meals, which meant saying the following "Dear God, thank you for friends and food. If you haven't paid for this term, please see me afterwards. Amen"
-Little Max, with his gorgeous big blue eyes. On the week of his birthday (when we did a cake for him) he said "I love you Belinda, you are the best Belinda ever". Another time he said to me "I like you Belinda" before saying quietly to himself "Beautiful Belinda".
-Oli and Matty- who like to play "Aunty Bawinda" at home, which basically means getting out their teddie bears and ordering them to sing and dance.
-Shy little Harper, who will quite often announce (after she has warmed up a bit) "Look I can hop". And so she does and soon she has the 7 or 8 other kids hoping around in front of me. So gorgeous.
-Nathaniel- whose Mum will suggest he gives me a hug. He will walk towards me, and as I drop down and open my arms, he will bolt in the other direction- laughing hesterically at his own little joke.
-Little Hanna, who spends all week singing playgroup songs at home. When she is tired and struggling to get out of bed her Mum says "maybe you are too tired for playgroup". She shakes her head and says "No, we have to go. Belinda is WAITING for me".
-And little Xavier, who at 6 months old always gives me the biggest grins whenever I smile at him.
So special to be involved in these moments :)
Belinda
Quite extrodinary. Really, moving to Melbourne seems to get closer and closer every day ;)
But of course there is a lot of sadness, particularly when I think of saying goodbye to the kids and families I've been working with over the last three years.
I was thinking of some of the most memorable Playgroup kid moments (warning- some of these are repeats from other posts):
-Little Lisa, such a gorgeous little treasure! If she sees me sitting down will come up behind me and pretend to "cut" my hair. "It's too longer, it's too longer" she says, as she pretends to cut it with some fake sissors from the playgroup doctors kit. "Stay still" she says, if I move my head to much, in a very hairdressery voice.
-Little Hayley, after struggling to say my name for nearly a year, finally calls me "Aunty Bananna"
-Ren, who insisted for a while on "Playing Belinda" before meals, which meant saying the following "Dear God, thank you for friends and food. If you haven't paid for this term, please see me afterwards. Amen"
-Little Max, with his gorgeous big blue eyes. On the week of his birthday (when we did a cake for him) he said "I love you Belinda, you are the best Belinda ever". Another time he said to me "I like you Belinda" before saying quietly to himself "Beautiful Belinda".
-Oli and Matty- who like to play "Aunty Bawinda" at home, which basically means getting out their teddie bears and ordering them to sing and dance.
-Shy little Harper, who will quite often announce (after she has warmed up a bit) "Look I can hop". And so she does and soon she has the 7 or 8 other kids hoping around in front of me. So gorgeous.
-Nathaniel- whose Mum will suggest he gives me a hug. He will walk towards me, and as I drop down and open my arms, he will bolt in the other direction- laughing hesterically at his own little joke.
-Little Hanna, who spends all week singing playgroup songs at home. When she is tired and struggling to get out of bed her Mum says "maybe you are too tired for playgroup". She shakes her head and says "No, we have to go. Belinda is WAITING for me".
-And little Xavier, who at 6 months old always gives me the biggest grins whenever I smile at him.
So special to be involved in these moments :)
Belinda
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Kids Club
There is something really special about working with a team to share the gospel. Kids Club this year has once again been a huge effort and lots of work. But I've been so encouraged.
I've been encouraged by our teens who are putting up their hands and doing a remarkable job of not just being helpers, but leaders. Having lead most of them for three years, and having got them "tagging" along when they were in year seven, it is great to see them in year 9 really taking initiative.
I've been encouraged by people who would never call themselves 'kid' people, who non-the-less volunteer and come along and make a real contribution. Even taking off work so they can help!
I've been encouraged by the servant hearted nature of everyone- who are so ready to stop and help a kid that's sad, or to drop everything and set up a game, or tidy a room.
And I've been encouraged by everyone's thoughtfulness. Today because I had said the day before I had a sore throat, one of the leaders made lemon and honey drinks for everyone in the morning. A lady in the kitchen bought ingredients and made wraps for every member of our team for lunch today, with no prompting- just out of the kindness of her spontaneous heart.
It can be scary leaving a ministry job, wondering how things will go without me. I need to keep remembering that God is in control and he is the one who provides and grows people.
But I'm also reminded that am leaving a committed group of Godly, fun, special people. The kids club is in some wonderful hands.
love B
I've been encouraged by our teens who are putting up their hands and doing a remarkable job of not just being helpers, but leaders. Having lead most of them for three years, and having got them "tagging" along when they were in year seven, it is great to see them in year 9 really taking initiative.
I've been encouraged by people who would never call themselves 'kid' people, who non-the-less volunteer and come along and make a real contribution. Even taking off work so they can help!
I've been encouraged by the servant hearted nature of everyone- who are so ready to stop and help a kid that's sad, or to drop everything and set up a game, or tidy a room.
And I've been encouraged by everyone's thoughtfulness. Today because I had said the day before I had a sore throat, one of the leaders made lemon and honey drinks for everyone in the morning. A lady in the kitchen bought ingredients and made wraps for every member of our team for lunch today, with no prompting- just out of the kindness of her spontaneous heart.
It can be scary leaving a ministry job, wondering how things will go without me. I need to keep remembering that God is in control and he is the one who provides and grows people.
But I'm also reminded that am leaving a committed group of Godly, fun, special people. The kids club is in some wonderful hands.
love B
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Who am I?
I've been going through a week of big questions about my life and the future and what I am doing.
Part of it was being on holidays and having time to think. Part of it is still dealing with the pain of our loss. Part of it is knowing that next year is going to be a time of huge changes, as I leave a job and a city and a life. Part of it is being asked regularly (and not surprisingly) "What are you going to do next year?". Most of the questioning has been serious and tough. I feel like I don't know what my life is about and it's really hard to be in my thirties and still not be sure about what is the best thing to be doing with my time. And I can't help thinking about how different next year could have been... :'(
But there has been a little silly part of me that has been doing some dreaming out of the box, and that has been the fun part of the uncertainty of next year.
Things I would love to do if I actually had the power to get any job I want:
-Author
Of course I will be writing regardless. But the dream is that someone will see my novel, realise it's potential, and give me lots of money to finish it.
-Playschool presenter!
It's been a dream of mine since I used to watch it, but after nearly three years of Playgroup running I genuinely think I would be really good. I can't speak for other demographics, but I rock the under 5. Now if we can only convince the ABC...
-Video game story-line writer
I really enjoy watching my husband play story based video games, which often have a sci-fi/Fantasy twist. I would love to come up with concepts that can be turned into a video game. They are like fatasy movies, although with different plots and posibilities depending on what the player does. It's like choose your own adventure writing on steriods!
Governor General
I've seen the house. It's got the best view in Sydney. Of course we are moving back to Melbourne so it wouldn't really work...maybe a retirement options?
The next Oprah
Do i need an explanation?
The possibilities are endless...
Love B
Part of it was being on holidays and having time to think. Part of it is still dealing with the pain of our loss. Part of it is knowing that next year is going to be a time of huge changes, as I leave a job and a city and a life. Part of it is being asked regularly (and not surprisingly) "What are you going to do next year?". Most of the questioning has been serious and tough. I feel like I don't know what my life is about and it's really hard to be in my thirties and still not be sure about what is the best thing to be doing with my time. And I can't help thinking about how different next year could have been... :'(
But there has been a little silly part of me that has been doing some dreaming out of the box, and that has been the fun part of the uncertainty of next year.
Things I would love to do if I actually had the power to get any job I want:
-Author
Of course I will be writing regardless. But the dream is that someone will see my novel, realise it's potential, and give me lots of money to finish it.
-Playschool presenter!
It's been a dream of mine since I used to watch it, but after nearly three years of Playgroup running I genuinely think I would be really good. I can't speak for other demographics, but I rock the under 5. Now if we can only convince the ABC...
-Video game story-line writer
I really enjoy watching my husband play story based video games, which often have a sci-fi/Fantasy twist. I would love to come up with concepts that can be turned into a video game. They are like fatasy movies, although with different plots and posibilities depending on what the player does. It's like choose your own adventure writing on steriods!
Governor General
I've seen the house. It's got the best view in Sydney. Of course we are moving back to Melbourne so it wouldn't really work...maybe a retirement options?
The next Oprah
Do i need an explanation?
The possibilities are endless...
Love B
Sunday, June 19, 2011
The perfect ministry couple, from Anne of Green Gables
At the moment, I pretty much read a fiction book every day. Even if it's only a couple of pages, I just find that this is the pattern I use to go to bed. But I also read at other times too. Often my fiction books will overlap with my non-fiction, usually Christian or writing books, so sometimes I'm thinking of one as I read the other.
Me and a few friend have been reading a book called "More than a Pastor's Wife". It's all about being a pastor's wife, the expectations people sometimes hold of them, and the helpful things you can be doing to serve God in this very unusual role. I was reading it on Friday
I am also reading Anne of Green Gables. Which I have read many times before. But I think, given our plans for next year, and the other book I was reading concurrently- I noticed this line for the first time.
"Mrs Lynde says that sound doctrine in the man and good housekeeping in the women make an ideal combination for a minister's family"
Oh dear! It's alright on Tim's side but...
:)
love B
Me and a few friend have been reading a book called "More than a Pastor's Wife". It's all about being a pastor's wife, the expectations people sometimes hold of them, and the helpful things you can be doing to serve God in this very unusual role. I was reading it on Friday
I am also reading Anne of Green Gables. Which I have read many times before. But I think, given our plans for next year, and the other book I was reading concurrently- I noticed this line for the first time.
"Mrs Lynde says that sound doctrine in the man and good housekeeping in the women make an ideal combination for a minister's family"
Oh dear! It's alright on Tim's side but...
:)
love B
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A dream close to realisation
I think I've mentioned before on this blog that often that when I'm not blogging much it's because I'm too busy writing other things.
That is very true at the moment. My blog is getting more and more bare but that doesn't mean i'm not doing much writing. Writing has become my life!
Last week I printed off my novel as it stands at present. It is still not finished, but there is something about having it in your hand as opposed to seeing "number of pages" listed on the bottom of a word document. I was singing to myself based on the old hymn "This is my story, this is my song, Praising my savior, all the day long", though instead i was singing "This is my story, this is my novel". Hope that's not too heretical :)
It really feels like a novel. And even as I read through it, rather than seeing major holes in the story, I just see little sections that need filling. You could actually read it, and even if you wouldn't necessarily enjoy it yet, you would be able to understand the plot and the story. Jotted all the way through my hard copy are words like "Describe character more", or "Need to put in an explanation of X" or quite commonly "That sounds so silly Belinda you really need to learn how to write better!". Whereas the last time I printed it out it was much more likely to say "Work out how the story could have gotten from this to that?"
Writing a novel is like solving a puzzle. At any stage I have a certain number of pieces already in, bits of the story that are already figured out. But I need new pieces to put it together and make it all work and fit. But rather than looking for pieces that exist, I just fill them up with my own home-made pieces. I love the illumination of finally figuring out a piece. So much of writing for me is coming up with an idea, and then working out how it is possibly viable within my story. And sometimes my favourite plot twists, characters, and concepts were created just because my story didn't make sense without them.
And now I have a confession. You might wonder why I don't write anything about my novel, except that it is a novel and it's a fantasy story. The truth is, I'm worried someone will steal my ideas. Yes, I know how silly that sounds. That someone would come to my incredibly popular blog, followed by a whopping 10 people, and steal my novel ideas. But I can't help it. It's my story and I love it, and even if it isn't any good, it's mine. And I don't want anyone knowing about it or reading it until it is beautiful and ready!
Which might be soon than I imagined :)
love B
That is very true at the moment. My blog is getting more and more bare but that doesn't mean i'm not doing much writing. Writing has become my life!
Last week I printed off my novel as it stands at present. It is still not finished, but there is something about having it in your hand as opposed to seeing "number of pages" listed on the bottom of a word document. I was singing to myself based on the old hymn "This is my story, this is my song, Praising my savior, all the day long", though instead i was singing "This is my story, this is my novel". Hope that's not too heretical :)
It really feels like a novel. And even as I read through it, rather than seeing major holes in the story, I just see little sections that need filling. You could actually read it, and even if you wouldn't necessarily enjoy it yet, you would be able to understand the plot and the story. Jotted all the way through my hard copy are words like "Describe character more", or "Need to put in an explanation of X" or quite commonly "That sounds so silly Belinda you really need to learn how to write better!". Whereas the last time I printed it out it was much more likely to say "Work out how the story could have gotten from this to that?"
Writing a novel is like solving a puzzle. At any stage I have a certain number of pieces already in, bits of the story that are already figured out. But I need new pieces to put it together and make it all work and fit. But rather than looking for pieces that exist, I just fill them up with my own home-made pieces. I love the illumination of finally figuring out a piece. So much of writing for me is coming up with an idea, and then working out how it is possibly viable within my story. And sometimes my favourite plot twists, characters, and concepts were created just because my story didn't make sense without them.
And now I have a confession. You might wonder why I don't write anything about my novel, except that it is a novel and it's a fantasy story. The truth is, I'm worried someone will steal my ideas. Yes, I know how silly that sounds. That someone would come to my incredibly popular blog, followed by a whopping 10 people, and steal my novel ideas. But I can't help it. It's my story and I love it, and even if it isn't any good, it's mine. And I don't want anyone knowing about it or reading it until it is beautiful and ready!
Which might be soon than I imagined :)
love B
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Interesting Sell
Was talking to someone who trying to convince a friend to come to church. One of her selling points: We sing Karaoke! I was a bit confused, but she went on to say. Everyone sings, and instead of Kylie Minogue Love songs we sing love songs about God.
Interesting selling point. But should we include a bouncy ball scrolling over the words on the powerpoint to increase the appeal?
:)
B
Interesting selling point. But should we include a bouncy ball scrolling over the words on the powerpoint to increase the appeal?
:)
B
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Being yourself in Ministry
Today I had a conversation with a lady who is investigating Jesus that started like this:
"Belinda, you are never envious or jealous. How can I be like you?"
Ouch
It would have been bad enough if it was just a regular week, but this comment came smack bang in the middle of a week where Jealousy, Envy, and Anger were probably my three strongest emotions.
And once again I am forced to take a look at the way I do ministry.
Am I being fake?
I'm not deliberately being fake. I do try to talk about my struggles and sin. But I think in my efforts to be a good example, and particularly in my efforts to teach godly living, I give the impression that I have it figured all out. And that, even accidentally, IS being fake. I need to be more real and honest.
It was a great conversation, because it ultimately came back to the gospel, that Christians are not perfect, we are just sinners who acknowledge how bad we are and get God to help us as we struggle to change. I said I could see myself growing, but that I often felt like the longer I lived, the more bad I find out I am. This was something my friend could identify with!
Interesting she also said "Your husband must be more perfect than you because he is going to be a Pastor". It makes me realise that this is going to be a problem that grows for both Tim and I, that because of our very roles people were going to assume the best of our character. And this is bad, both because it undermines the gospel (suggesting that being a Christian is about being good), and also because it means that people will see themselves on another level from us and therefore will be hesitant to either share struggles, or even follow our example (because they assume they will fail). Our challenge is to be real, to keep sharing the gospel, and to keep pushing people to persevere with godliness, even though it is a life long task.
I don't have any answers though. How do I be real about sin without revealing too-private struggles? What struggles should I publicise.
Tricky questions!
love B
"Belinda, you are never envious or jealous. How can I be like you?"
Ouch
It would have been bad enough if it was just a regular week, but this comment came smack bang in the middle of a week where Jealousy, Envy, and Anger were probably my three strongest emotions.
And once again I am forced to take a look at the way I do ministry.
Am I being fake?
I'm not deliberately being fake. I do try to talk about my struggles and sin. But I think in my efforts to be a good example, and particularly in my efforts to teach godly living, I give the impression that I have it figured all out. And that, even accidentally, IS being fake. I need to be more real and honest.
It was a great conversation, because it ultimately came back to the gospel, that Christians are not perfect, we are just sinners who acknowledge how bad we are and get God to help us as we struggle to change. I said I could see myself growing, but that I often felt like the longer I lived, the more bad I find out I am. This was something my friend could identify with!
Interesting she also said "Your husband must be more perfect than you because he is going to be a Pastor". It makes me realise that this is going to be a problem that grows for both Tim and I, that because of our very roles people were going to assume the best of our character. And this is bad, both because it undermines the gospel (suggesting that being a Christian is about being good), and also because it means that people will see themselves on another level from us and therefore will be hesitant to either share struggles, or even follow our example (because they assume they will fail). Our challenge is to be real, to keep sharing the gospel, and to keep pushing people to persevere with godliness, even though it is a life long task.
I don't have any answers though. How do I be real about sin without revealing too-private struggles? What struggles should I publicise.
Tricky questions!
love B
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Moving home
There are so many things that make me excited about moving home to Melbourne.
I'm excited about the \church plant!
I'm excited about being able to actually follow AFL again because the games are on at a decent hour (or not to far away to attend in person!).
I'm excited about being around my wonderful families.
I'm excited that I am moving into a Unit that I already know and love, that I already know where I am going to shop and where I will go on my walks.
I'm excited about being ten minutes away from Fi!
And I'm also excited about being around for family things. Each Easter my parents travel up with their friends and stay at the King Valley. They usually bike ride to the Milawa Cheese Factory and meet my Aunt, Uncle and my Cousins. (If you ever get a chance, go there. It is such awesome cheese!)
My cousin Kate, who was the flower-girl at my wedding and is now 10 years old, sent me a message on my Mum's phone when they were hanging out. At first I felt my normal sadness that once again living in Sydney I was away from all the fun, and particularly missing out on spending time with my beautiful cousins. But then I realised that next year I could go!
There will be lots of really sad things about leaving. People and ministries and places that I have become attached to.
But so many good things too look forward to!
love B
I'm excited about the \church plant!
I'm excited about being able to actually follow AFL again because the games are on at a decent hour (or not to far away to attend in person!).
I'm excited about being around my wonderful families.
I'm excited that I am moving into a Unit that I already know and love, that I already know where I am going to shop and where I will go on my walks.
I'm excited about being ten minutes away from Fi!
My cousin Kate, who was the flower-girl at my wedding and is now 10 years old, sent me a message on my Mum's phone when they were hanging out. At first I felt my normal sadness that once again living in Sydney I was away from all the fun, and particularly missing out on spending time with my beautiful cousins. But then I realised that next year I could go!
There will be lots of really sad things about leaving. People and ministries and places that I have become attached to.
But so many good things too look forward to!
love B
Friday, April 22, 2011
When I survey
My parents are Christians, and did a very kind service to me of sharing Jesus with me from a very young age. I don't remember a time when I didn't love God.
So it's always hard for me when it comes to "testimonies" to find a moment when I "became a Christian". But that is something I treasure rather than worry about. It's actually a special thing, to know Jesus as Lord and Savour and have no memories of him being anything but :)
My first memory of understanding Jesus death on the cross, relates to the song "When I survey". It was my Dad's favourite hymn and he would often sing it to me as a lullaby. I have no idea of the age of this memory (it mustn't have been too big, if I was still being sung to sleep!) but I remember reflecting on one of the verses.
See from his head
His hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingle down
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so richer crown
I remember listening and thinking that when Jesus died, he had a horrible painful crown of thorns. But that crown was the most special crown in the world, because Jesus was dying for me. Jesus died because he loved me.
And so, today, many, many years on, I cry when I sing that verse.
Good Friday indeed.
love Belinda
So it's always hard for me when it comes to "testimonies" to find a moment when I "became a Christian". But that is something I treasure rather than worry about. It's actually a special thing, to know Jesus as Lord and Savour and have no memories of him being anything but :)
My first memory of understanding Jesus death on the cross, relates to the song "When I survey". It was my Dad's favourite hymn and he would often sing it to me as a lullaby. I have no idea of the age of this memory (it mustn't have been too big, if I was still being sung to sleep!) but I remember reflecting on one of the verses.
See from his head
His hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingle down
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so richer crown
I remember listening and thinking that when Jesus died, he had a horrible painful crown of thorns. But that crown was the most special crown in the world, because Jesus was dying for me. Jesus died because he loved me.
And so, today, many, many years on, I cry when I sing that verse.
Good Friday indeed.
love Belinda
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
2012 and beyond
When I first started this blog- I had very recently moved to the city of Sydney. The whole idea of the blog was to keep friends updated on my life in the new city, and because I was studying, it was an opportunity to reflect on what I was learning.
Three years on, things are very different. I am no longer studying, but working in a job that is hard work but a blessing. And while this blog is still primarily about informing friends, it is also just a way of me processing the things that happen in my life and hopefully encouraging people along the way.
But the big news is that at the end of this year, Tim will have finished his Bible College studies and we will be moving back to Melbourne.
This means alot of changes, such as minor ones like coming up with a new blog name ;)
But one of the biggest things changes is that Tim and I will be embarking on a new ministry adventure.
God-willing- next year Tim and I will be planting a church in Melbourne, in the Suburb of Box Hill.
Even writing the words I suddenly get filled with all kinds of different emotions: the two biggest being excitement and fear! And I think excitement and fear will be two emotions I will get rather used to as this year continues :)
I know that church planting will not be an easy venture. But I love Jesus, and I love sharing him with those who are yet to know him, and even with the challenges, I look forward to the opportunities for evangelism that Church planting will create.
Tim and I (well, really it was me, I'm the blogger in the family) have started a new blog about the church plant. I'd love you to check it out, and start praying for us :)
http://www.gracechristiancommunity.blogspot.com/
It is hard to believe that it has been three years since I started this blog! I'm really thankful to God for those of you who read it, and particularly those who have continued to love and care for us even when we have been far away.
And I am thankful to God for the last three years. They haven't been easy, but they have been important and filled with much joy and blessing.
Love B
Three years on, things are very different. I am no longer studying, but working in a job that is hard work but a blessing. And while this blog is still primarily about informing friends, it is also just a way of me processing the things that happen in my life and hopefully encouraging people along the way.
But the big news is that at the end of this year, Tim will have finished his Bible College studies and we will be moving back to Melbourne.
This means alot of changes, such as minor ones like coming up with a new blog name ;)
But one of the biggest things changes is that Tim and I will be embarking on a new ministry adventure.
God-willing- next year Tim and I will be planting a church in Melbourne, in the Suburb of Box Hill.
Even writing the words I suddenly get filled with all kinds of different emotions: the two biggest being excitement and fear! And I think excitement and fear will be two emotions I will get rather used to as this year continues :)
I know that church planting will not be an easy venture. But I love Jesus, and I love sharing him with those who are yet to know him, and even with the challenges, I look forward to the opportunities for evangelism that Church planting will create.
Tim and I (well, really it was me, I'm the blogger in the family) have started a new blog about the church plant. I'd love you to check it out, and start praying for us :)
http://www.gracechristiancommunity.blogspot.com/
It is hard to believe that it has been three years since I started this blog! I'm really thankful to God for those of you who read it, and particularly those who have continued to love and care for us even when we have been far away.
And I am thankful to God for the last three years. They haven't been easy, but they have been important and filled with much joy and blessing.
Love B
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Those days
Today was one of those days.
No, I don't mean those days. Today was one of those rare, amazing, I love my job days.
It wasn't that anything different happened than on any other day, or particularly any other Thursday. It was just that it was a day when I was reminded just how special my "ordinary" days are. How priveledged I am to do what I do.
In Bible study we looked at the women who poured perfume on Jesus. We talked about how special Jesus was. We looked at the Lord Supper and realised why Jesus was so special. And then we prayed for each other other and talked and laughed and ate. 'This is so important' said one lady, patting her hand on her Bible, 'I learn so much more when I learn with other people'.
I caught up with my friend who is so interested in learning about Jesus. We sat in a cafe, in plain sight of the world, with the Bible open, talking about the world and Jesus, and how special forgiveness is. We read about how no matter your background, gender, or social standing, if you trust in Jesus, you are equal and part of God's family.
I've just confirmed that I am running an event for women at church, to training them in talking about Jesus with friends. I was just going to do it with my young women's Bible study, but they insisted we make it wider because "Everyone needs to learn this".
And now I am getting ready for another Sunday of teaching.
I love those days.
B
No, I don't mean those days. Today was one of those rare, amazing, I love my job days.
It wasn't that anything different happened than on any other day, or particularly any other Thursday. It was just that it was a day when I was reminded just how special my "ordinary" days are. How priveledged I am to do what I do.
In Bible study we looked at the women who poured perfume on Jesus. We talked about how special Jesus was. We looked at the Lord Supper and realised why Jesus was so special. And then we prayed for each other other and talked and laughed and ate. 'This is so important' said one lady, patting her hand on her Bible, 'I learn so much more when I learn with other people'.
I caught up with my friend who is so interested in learning about Jesus. We sat in a cafe, in plain sight of the world, with the Bible open, talking about the world and Jesus, and how special forgiveness is. We read about how no matter your background, gender, or social standing, if you trust in Jesus, you are equal and part of God's family.
I've just confirmed that I am running an event for women at church, to training them in talking about Jesus with friends. I was just going to do it with my young women's Bible study, but they insisted we make it wider because "Everyone needs to learn this".
And now I am getting ready for another Sunday of teaching.
I love those days.
B
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Symbolic act
Today, I plan to put on my contact lenses. I haven't warn them since my brother-in-laws wedding in January.
It might seem like a simple thing. I have put contact lenses in many times. It is nothing exciting or special in and of itself.
But it is a big step for me.
You see, when I cry I have to take them out. Not just normal crying- I do that everyday, sometimes sad, often happy. Tears are just part of the hyper-emotional person I am! But when I cry and I cry I can't stop, and my nose runs and my eyes go red, my eye-lids can get infected if I keep the contacts in too long. For too many days of that kind of crying.
Over the summer I couldn't wear my contacts (except for the wedding) because I was crying too much. I was just so sad.
It's not that I'm still not sad about our little baby. I am. I can't stop thinking about him. But I'm no longer falling apart all the time. I'm even sometimes a little bit happy when I think about him and our short time together.
It seems like a big step to put them in. To make a conscious decision to pull myself together.
But I think I'm ready.
love B
It might seem like a simple thing. I have put contact lenses in many times. It is nothing exciting or special in and of itself.
But it is a big step for me.
You see, when I cry I have to take them out. Not just normal crying- I do that everyday, sometimes sad, often happy. Tears are just part of the hyper-emotional person I am! But when I cry and I cry I can't stop, and my nose runs and my eyes go red, my eye-lids can get infected if I keep the contacts in too long. For too many days of that kind of crying.
Over the summer I couldn't wear my contacts (except for the wedding) because I was crying too much. I was just so sad.
It's not that I'm still not sad about our little baby. I am. I can't stop thinking about him. But I'm no longer falling apart all the time. I'm even sometimes a little bit happy when I think about him and our short time together.
It seems like a big step to put them in. To make a conscious decision to pull myself together.
But I think I'm ready.
love B
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Answered Prayers
Sometimes I forget that my God answers prayers.
Sometimes I'm so ready to explain to people that he "sometimes says no or not yet" that I forget to emphasis that he says yes too.
My Bible study has been a great reminder of God's ability to answer prayers.
Last year, we had a Mum in the group who wasn't a Christian. She was having real problems with her kids. We prayed about it and their behavior improved. Our Bible study actually has the kids in the same room as the adults and so often it's a little distracting. One week see said to me in exasperation: "There is no point in coming if the kids are ratty". I asked her to please keep coming and she said she would only come on mornings when the kids were well behaved. I said "Okay, I'll pray for them". This was in May last year, and she didn't miss a study for the rest of the year, because the kids behaved so well. And Praise God, she became a Christian at the end of the year.
This year we got a new Non-Christian Mum in the group. Her prayer point on the first day was for her son. He cried almost every day when she left him at Pre-school. She wanted us to pray that he would stop crying. When I saw her at Playgroup then next week she said he hadn't cry since we prayed but that "It wasn't God, it was a coincidence". Two and a half months in, he hasn't cried once. She said a few weeks ago "I thank God and I thank you for praying. I know that it's God who helped him not to cry".
They might seem like small things in this horrible time of earthquakes and impending Nuclear situations. But for these two Mums, it was serious struggles that God had helped them with.
And for me it was a reminder that God can and does answer prayers with yes. And I am reminded to keep praying.
love B
Sometimes I'm so ready to explain to people that he "sometimes says no or not yet" that I forget to emphasis that he says yes too.
My Bible study has been a great reminder of God's ability to answer prayers.
Last year, we had a Mum in the group who wasn't a Christian. She was having real problems with her kids. We prayed about it and their behavior improved. Our Bible study actually has the kids in the same room as the adults and so often it's a little distracting. One week see said to me in exasperation: "There is no point in coming if the kids are ratty". I asked her to please keep coming and she said she would only come on mornings when the kids were well behaved. I said "Okay, I'll pray for them". This was in May last year, and she didn't miss a study for the rest of the year, because the kids behaved so well. And Praise God, she became a Christian at the end of the year.
This year we got a new Non-Christian Mum in the group. Her prayer point on the first day was for her son. He cried almost every day when she left him at Pre-school. She wanted us to pray that he would stop crying. When I saw her at Playgroup then next week she said he hadn't cry since we prayed but that "It wasn't God, it was a coincidence". Two and a half months in, he hasn't cried once. She said a few weeks ago "I thank God and I thank you for praying. I know that it's God who helped him not to cry".
They might seem like small things in this horrible time of earthquakes and impending Nuclear situations. But for these two Mums, it was serious struggles that God had helped them with.
And for me it was a reminder that God can and does answer prayers with yes. And I am reminded to keep praying.
love B
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sad and Romantic
On Valentines day this year, Tim's Nanny went to be with Jesus. Eleven days later, at 2am on the morning of Nanny's funeral, her husband, Tim's Papa went to join them.
I think one day I will be able to look back and realise what a precious reality this is. And as the two coffins, side-by-side, travelled off away from the funeral, was a really beautiful thing. It is romantic and beautiful that we were able to say goodbye together. It is amazing that after nearly 60 years together they were only separated for such a short time. One day we will look back and be thankful.
But at the moment we are all just too sad for that.
Papa had cancer, and he was fighting on for Nanny's sake, but once he knew she was okay, he moved on to palliative care. Nanny died at home in the arms of her daughter. Papa died in a hospital room with Tim's Dad, his son, beside him.
Death is so sad, and Tim and I feel we have had enough of it for one summer!
But it is a good reminder of the shortness of life and what really matters.
I don't know how I'd like to go. Part of me thinks it would be lovely to leave with Tim, and I struggle to think of living without him. But then I look at Tim's Pa, the only Grandparent left, and I see something noble and special about him too. Living on after his wives death in November, rejoicing in the chance he still has to look after his daughters, even as they try to look after him.
Bye Nanny and Papa. We love you, and we are so glad you are with Jesus now.
love B
I think one day I will be able to look back and realise what a precious reality this is. And as the two coffins, side-by-side, travelled off away from the funeral, was a really beautiful thing. It is romantic and beautiful that we were able to say goodbye together. It is amazing that after nearly 60 years together they were only separated for such a short time. One day we will look back and be thankful.
But at the moment we are all just too sad for that.
Papa had cancer, and he was fighting on for Nanny's sake, but once he knew she was okay, he moved on to palliative care. Nanny died at home in the arms of her daughter. Papa died in a hospital room with Tim's Dad, his son, beside him.
Death is so sad, and Tim and I feel we have had enough of it for one summer!
But it is a good reminder of the shortness of life and what really matters.
I don't know how I'd like to go. Part of me thinks it would be lovely to leave with Tim, and I struggle to think of living without him. But then I look at Tim's Pa, the only Grandparent left, and I see something noble and special about him too. Living on after his wives death in November, rejoicing in the chance he still has to look after his daughters, even as they try to look after him.
Bye Nanny and Papa. We love you, and we are so glad you are with Jesus now.
love B
Thursday, February 17, 2011
A helpful Quote
One thing I did not expect in my experience of the miscarriage was how much it would affect my self-esteem and particularly my work. I am just so much more fragile and particularly so much more filled with worry about my own capabilities.
I found this quote from "The Reason for God" (a book I really should get around to reading!) and it really helped me put 'myself' into perspective.
"The Christian Gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less."
Tim Keller.
Love B
I found this quote from "The Reason for God" (a book I really should get around to reading!) and it really helped me put 'myself' into perspective.
"The Christian Gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less."
Tim Keller.
Love B
Monday, February 14, 2011
Update on how I are going
The short answer is probably better, but still not great.
Mostly myself, but with a big new dose of fragile. And sad.
Please keep us in your prayers.
love B
Mostly myself, but with a big new dose of fragile. And sad.
Please keep us in your prayers.
love B
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Another Writing Mile-stone
At some stage in the next week (most likely tonight) I am going to pass the 50,000 word mark on my novel.
I'm so psyched!
50,000! If I had a dollar for every word I've written (and lets remember, many words have been deleted in the process as well) i would have a house deposite!
My question has been for a while "Does writing make me happy, or do I only write when I'm happy?" Turns out it is the first. Because I haven't had a happy time but writing has been a wonderful distraction and joy. Other distractions (like DVDs, Vid games, and even sometimes books) are great while they last but don't do much for my mood when I stop. But the satisfaction of writing and the thoughts about it afterwards keep me going for the rest of the day.
Tim has read the first half. We were on a plane to Melbourne when he started. A very traumatic hour and a bit! He had lots of feedback, at the very start he would have a piece of constructive criticism for every sentence. As it progressed (my novel gets better, the start needs lots of work) this easied somewhat, and to my surprised he really, really enjoyed it. So my next assignment is to work through his detailed comments and see what bits of it I should take on board. Tim is a great first reader because he is honest, he's good with words, he gives replacement ideas to things he doesn't like (why don't you instead get him to...), and most of all, he is really, really easily bored so he has high standards for entertainment :P
I don't really know what will happen when I finish, though Tim and I love to dream about the what ifs of what might happen if it's published. But the journey is fun, even if the destination is unknown.
love B
I'm so psyched!
50,000! If I had a dollar for every word I've written (and lets remember, many words have been deleted in the process as well) i would have a house deposite!
My question has been for a while "Does writing make me happy, or do I only write when I'm happy?" Turns out it is the first. Because I haven't had a happy time but writing has been a wonderful distraction and joy. Other distractions (like DVDs, Vid games, and even sometimes books) are great while they last but don't do much for my mood when I stop. But the satisfaction of writing and the thoughts about it afterwards keep me going for the rest of the day.
Tim has read the first half. We were on a plane to Melbourne when he started. A very traumatic hour and a bit! He had lots of feedback, at the very start he would have a piece of constructive criticism for every sentence. As it progressed (my novel gets better, the start needs lots of work) this easied somewhat, and to my surprised he really, really enjoyed it. So my next assignment is to work through his detailed comments and see what bits of it I should take on board. Tim is a great first reader because he is honest, he's good with words, he gives replacement ideas to things he doesn't like (why don't you instead get him to...), and most of all, he is really, really easily bored so he has high standards for entertainment :P
I don't really know what will happen when I finish, though Tim and I love to dream about the what ifs of what might happen if it's published. But the journey is fun, even if the destination is unknown.
love B
Saturday, January 29, 2011
6 years
A week ago today Tim and I were celebrating Tim's brother's wedding.
Six years ago today, Tim and I were celebrating as well.
Six years ago today, Tim and I were celebrating as well.
Being married to Tim has been the best thing about these last 6 years. He is a super husband and such a blessing to me. He is such an encouragement to my faith and a great supportor of my ministry and dreams.
Praise God for another year of loving each other and keeping our promises.
love B
Thursday, January 27, 2011
God's goodness when life is not good.
I've been reflecting on the concept of God's goodness.
I think when something horrible happens it's a natural progression of your mind, but it was sparked off particularly by a facebook comment. A million people (okay, slight exaggeration) have announced in the last month that they are having a baby, many of which are expecting in July when our little one would have been due. This is heart-breakingly hard for us. One of those people commented on facebook when discussing their pregnancy (which had taken a long time to happen) that "God is good".
I really struggled with that at first. The way I thought about it was that this person thought that the evidence of God's goodness was that they had been given a baby. But then the thing I struggled with was- what was the loss of our baby evidence of? Is God good to give one person a child, and not good to take one away from someone else.
One of my teens at church asked me once "Why is it that when something good happen we have to say thanks to God but when something bad happens it's not his fault?". Brilliant question!
Anyway, all these things had been floating around my head a few nights ago when I got to listen to a recording of a talk on Psalm 136- which was all about God's goodness, and how we can think about God's goodness in relation to the hard things in life. Talk about good timing! It really helped me to put together in my head what it means for God to be good, and how to understand hard things.
I think when something horrible happens it's a natural progression of your mind, but it was sparked off particularly by a facebook comment. A million people (okay, slight exaggeration) have announced in the last month that they are having a baby, many of which are expecting in July when our little one would have been due. This is heart-breakingly hard for us. One of those people commented on facebook when discussing their pregnancy (which had taken a long time to happen) that "God is good".
I really struggled with that at first. The way I thought about it was that this person thought that the evidence of God's goodness was that they had been given a baby. But then the thing I struggled with was- what was the loss of our baby evidence of? Is God good to give one person a child, and not good to take one away from someone else.
One of my teens at church asked me once "Why is it that when something good happen we have to say thanks to God but when something bad happens it's not his fault?". Brilliant question!
Anyway, all these things had been floating around my head a few nights ago when I got to listen to a recording of a talk on Psalm 136- which was all about God's goodness, and how we can think about God's goodness in relation to the hard things in life. Talk about good timing! It really helped me to put together in my head what it means for God to be good, and how to understand hard things.
A few reflections:
-God is the king of all things good. Because he made this world good and every good and perfect gift comes from him- then it is right to respond to happy and good things by remembering- "oh that's right, God is good".
-The world is a mess because of sin. While God is not out-of-control of the bad things, he is not morally responsible for them. Therefore, the bad things that happen don't negate God's goodness.
-God's goodness is seen in what he has done. He has made this world good. He has looked after his people. And most importantly, he has sent his son to die for us. All these things are constant signs of his goodness that we need to hold onto when life is not good. We have powerful evidence of his goodness in the cross.
-God's love is steadfast (Psalm 136 repeats the refrain- his love endures forever). When I feel like God is not being loving or good at the moment it is helpful to hear that he doesn't change. The same love that he had for me when he sent his son to die for sin is the same loyal love he has for me right now in this pain.
The truth is, in my life (quite the opposite of what my teenage friend said), when good things happen I tend to not thank God, and when bad things happen I blame him. When in reality all good things in my life are a sign of his goodness, and the problems and hard things are as a result of human sin. And yet God in his amazing sovereign way is in control of it all and is able to take bad and use it for good.
So yes- when a friend who has been trying for a while gets pregnant- she is right to say "God is good".
When my husband very patiently loves me through this time of depression and doubt- that is God showing his love for me. That is God's goodness. When I have a particularly good ice-cream, or when Tim's brother has a lovely wedding, or when I survive a day that I didn't think I could. That is God showing his love for me. That is God's goodness.
And the fact that God can look at this rebellious child who is so mad at him and still love her and send his son to die for her?
That is God's goodness.
love B
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
What to say?
I've been reflecting quite alot on every one's reaction to our sad news.
One of the most common comments is "I don't know what to say". I think part of that is that people don't know what to say that might help or might make us feel better. But the truth is- from my experience anyway- I really appreciate people saying something, even if its just that.
It's funny because I look back and I realise that most people I know who have miscarried, I have heard second hand, and didn't actually contact them and say something. Now I wish I had.
We love our baby. And we are really hurting. And it's great having people acknowledge that, acknowledge that he was important and therefore our pain is natural and right. I want to talk about it, and appreciate people giving me freedom to process with them.
Some people did the "Don't worry, you'll get pregnant again, then this won't matter". I know what people are trying to do (make us feel better about the future), but I don't want that to be true! I want my baby to still be important even if (God willing) we do have a baby who lives longer than 9 weeks. So rather than down-playing what has happened, I'd rather people let us be sad.
One of the most comforting things has been people sharing their own stories. I feel like there are all these extra kids that I never even knew existed, who are still precious to their parents and are now precious to me too. I look forward to going to heaven and meeting them all.
Thanks for all your prayers. I'm still really struggling to cope with everyday life and I need God's help so desperately. It seems like every time I start feeling better something happens or I hear some news which just floods me again with the "why, why, why". Please keep praying for me.
love B
One of the most common comments is "I don't know what to say". I think part of that is that people don't know what to say that might help or might make us feel better. But the truth is- from my experience anyway- I really appreciate people saying something, even if its just that.
It's funny because I look back and I realise that most people I know who have miscarried, I have heard second hand, and didn't actually contact them and say something. Now I wish I had.
We love our baby. And we are really hurting. And it's great having people acknowledge that, acknowledge that he was important and therefore our pain is natural and right. I want to talk about it, and appreciate people giving me freedom to process with them.
Some people did the "Don't worry, you'll get pregnant again, then this won't matter". I know what people are trying to do (make us feel better about the future), but I don't want that to be true! I want my baby to still be important even if (God willing) we do have a baby who lives longer than 9 weeks. So rather than down-playing what has happened, I'd rather people let us be sad.
One of the most comforting things has been people sharing their own stories. I feel like there are all these extra kids that I never even knew existed, who are still precious to their parents and are now precious to me too. I look forward to going to heaven and meeting them all.
Thanks for all your prayers. I'm still really struggling to cope with everyday life and I need God's help so desperately. It seems like every time I start feeling better something happens or I hear some news which just floods me again with the "why, why, why". Please keep praying for me.
love B
Wedding
So lovely to have something happy to celebrate. Such a special family day. Congratulations to Joel and Angela Grant
love B
Friday, January 14, 2011
A sad month
It's been about a month since I last posted.
Not a very good month.
Three days before Christmas, Tim and I found out via Ultra-sound that our nine week old babie's heart had stopped beating. And after three horrible weeks of waiting for it to happen, I finally miscarried last Tuesday.
So not the Merriest Christmas. I went to bed at 10pm on New Years. I didn't want to think about 2011. 2010 had been tough, and we had such high hopes for this one. Now I can hardly face it. We'd been trying to get through one day at a time- to not think about the future. This gets progressively more difficult when my job at the moment is to start preparing for term 1 at church.
We miss him so much (we refer to him as a him. He just can't be an it, we love him too much). I don't think I've ever felt so lonely since we lost him. We are confident he is with Jesus now- and ultimately we want to be able to look back and celebrate his little life, rejoice that we had him for a little while. But I think it will take a long time before we are properly up for that.
love B
Not a very good month.
Three days before Christmas, Tim and I found out via Ultra-sound that our nine week old babie's heart had stopped beating. And after three horrible weeks of waiting for it to happen, I finally miscarried last Tuesday.
So not the Merriest Christmas. I went to bed at 10pm on New Years. I didn't want to think about 2011. 2010 had been tough, and we had such high hopes for this one. Now I can hardly face it. We'd been trying to get through one day at a time- to not think about the future. This gets progressively more difficult when my job at the moment is to start preparing for term 1 at church.
We miss him so much (we refer to him as a him. He just can't be an it, we love him too much). I don't think I've ever felt so lonely since we lost him. We are confident he is with Jesus now- and ultimately we want to be able to look back and celebrate his little life, rejoice that we had him for a little while. But I think it will take a long time before we are properly up for that.
I have good days, I have bad days. Yesterday was a good day. Tim and I had decided that while we weren't going to broadcast our sadness to the sky, that we wanted some people to know about him. I had already let a few people at church know, and told a few more yesterday. I've been overwhelmed by love and support that people have shown, love both for us and our little one. One friend at church started crying when I told her. That afternoon she dropped off some flowers and chocolates for us. "I had to do something" she said almost apologetically.
But if the last week has taught me anything- it's that this road isn't a road of steady incline back to normality. This is grief, and I can't predict how I will feel or when I will feel it. And that's okay.
I wasn't sure whether to write about it on my blog, but I have learnt so much, and the process from anger at God to crying into his loving arms (which of course is not a steady incline either!) has been something that I'd like to write about.
:'(love B
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