Today, I plan to put on my contact lenses. I haven't warn them since my brother-in-laws wedding in January.
It might seem like a simple thing. I have put contact lenses in many times. It is nothing exciting or special in and of itself.
But it is a big step for me.
You see, when I cry I have to take them out. Not just normal crying- I do that everyday, sometimes sad, often happy. Tears are just part of the hyper-emotional person I am! But when I cry and I cry I can't stop, and my nose runs and my eyes go red, my eye-lids can get infected if I keep the contacts in too long. For too many days of that kind of crying.
Over the summer I couldn't wear my contacts (except for the wedding) because I was crying too much. I was just so sad.
It's not that I'm still not sad about our little baby. I am. I can't stop thinking about him. But I'm no longer falling apart all the time. I'm even sometimes a little bit happy when I think about him and our short time together.
It seems like a big step to put them in. To make a conscious decision to pull myself together.
But I think I'm ready.
love B
2 comments:
What a relief to pass the 'ridiculous grief' stage and move into the 'simple sadness' stage.
Been there. Your body must nearly be settled down again, too. Such a crazy time.
Joy and hope are coming your way again!
I don't know what to say but that I am thinking of you and will pray for you tonight.
x
Post a Comment