Thursday, May 27, 2010

My week

As I sit down to write about this week, I feel like falling asleep on the key board instead.

It has been a great week. But you don't realise how tiring it is running around doing little errands until you come home and stop and realise how nice that feels.

It's been a great week. But you can't just go on holidays after a very busy and difficult month and expect recovery to be instantaneous. I am still emotionally winding down, and returning to a normal Belinda. Hopefully I will be there before I go back to work :)

It's been a great week. But not as I expected. Rather than heaps of social time with Fi, it's been lots of quality family time, and time hanging with the other Bridesmaids. Two people who I didn't know that well, who I've always liked from afar, and who I now know are as lovely as I'd imagined.

It's been a great week. But it isn't over. Not tomorrow but the next day I get to see my friend Fi walk down the aile, not as a rehearsal but for real. I get to hear her make amazing promises and start a new stage of life with her husband.

I'm so excited.
love B

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Flash back

Hello,
I am writing to you from the study in my parents house. In the house where I lived from the time my mother brought me home from hospital.

It's changed a little.

There are new rooms, there is a rather nice patio. And after 20 odd years of hints, there is finally a fireplace.

But some things haven't changed. My room is still blue- though it seems so much smaller with a big sofa bed and my sisters sewing things stacked on my old desk.

Yesterday I road in the car with my sister.

She tried to get me to listen to her alternative music.
Then she eventually gave in and we listened to Crowded House and Van Morrison which we both like.
We coughed in songs to block out the swear words.
We talked about life and God and friends.
I teased her about being a Melbourne Uni Alternative-hippy who scorns me for my "pop" music and doesn't buy retail.
She teased me about my inability to offer my assistance in housework until the job was already finished.

My life has changed so much in the last six years since I moved out. And many of the changes are very, very good.

But some things haven't changed.

It's lovely.
love B

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Where I am now

I'm sitting in our study. Outside the gum trees are there, but I can only see a few leaves shadowing across the lights of a near by apartment.

Earlier tonight I saw a clear flash of lightening, and then- BOOM, the thunder sounded.

Tim has often commented on things that he wants about the house that we live in. He often says, he's love to have a clean study that was all his own- a haven (the need for a haven may have something to do with the usual state of the house ;).

What do I want?

I want a room with a view.

I want to be able to be sitting on the computer- working on my story, and then look up and see something beautiful.

It makes my day.

I have that at the moment. Lovely trees, and a square of sky.

It's strange. Because I've had a really tough month. I'm overworked. I'm burning out. I'm tired.

But this room is my haven.

This room with a view.
love B

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Operation Relocation

It just hit me today.

So far in my mind I've been pining after Melbourne people. Melbourne friends. Regretting the things that I'm missing, longing for the day when I would be back again.

But its just hit me. In a year and a little more than half we will be back in Melbourne. Perhaps for the rest of our lives.

And I'm suddenly realising how much I love my Sydney friends. How hard it will be to leave.

But before my Melbourne friends let out a sigh of horror (or even a few I told you so's) rest assured we are definitely coming back to Melbourne. Melbourne is home, and even if it wasn't- it is where I think we are needed.

But it's gonna hurt. Not to leave the city. But to leave the people. And it won't be like these two years of missing Melbourne friends, because in my mind it was always temporary.

But realistically, there are people who I dearly love who I will probably never live in the same city as again.

Wait- that's not true. In Heaven we will. And that will be amazing.

But I'll miss them while I wait.

And that brings me to my new plan.

Operation Relocation!

Get all my dearest Sydney friends to decide to make the permanent move to Melbourne!

I started with one friend today. She might have been humouring me, but she didn't sound totally against to the idea.

Operation Relocation.

Sydney friends- you have been warned!
love B

Monday, May 10, 2010

God is good to me

It's been a bad week.

Which is funny really.

Because it's been a good week.

Playgroup was great.
Bible study was great.
Scripture was great.

There aren't things that have been going wrong. It's me. I've been going wrong. I've been struggling and working away, not having the energy to battle my usual discontentment and other related sins. And so I just let them grow. It was also a busy week, and I wasn't getting the rest I need.


When organising last Saturday I made the momentous error (for the second time!) of putting our Youth group sleepover on the same time as Equip- a women's ministry conference I take a group of church too. Stupid!


I kind of figured Equip would be pretty refreshing. And it was. But it was also very emotional.


There was a talk on Envy.


I think I've mentioned before that envy is something that I really struggle with.


One women during the conference described the talk as like being placed on an operating table and then "poke, poke, poke".


It was so helpful. But very confronting


One of the big things that was emphasised is that while Envy is obviously about other people, in many ways for Christian it boils down to our relationship with God.

Why is God kinder to her than to me?

It is that unhelpful idea that we sometimes have that God has a certain amount of "goodness" that he has to give people. Limited blessing. And when she is going well, and I am going badly, it's because God has decided to give his good to someone who isn't me.

But God is not like that.

God is infinitely good and generous.

And not only is God good.

He is good to me.

Me.

He is good to me even when my situation is not good.

He is good to me even when my heart is not in the right place.

He is working all things out for my good whether I like how he's doing it or not.

Ironically since the talk, with my lack of sleep, and a few other things, I've been overwhelmed with envy.

But now at least with God's help I'm fighting it. With these words.

God is good to me.

God is good to me.

love B