It's been a bad week.
Which is funny really.
Because it's been a good week.
Playgroup was great.
Bible study was great.
Scripture was great.
There aren't things that have been going wrong. It's me. I've been going wrong. I've been struggling and working away, not having the energy to battle my usual discontentment and other related sins. And so I just let them grow. It was also a busy week, and I wasn't getting the rest I need.
When organising last Saturday I made the momentous error (for the second time!) of putting our Youth group sleepover on the same time as Equip- a women's ministry conference I take a group of church too. Stupid!
I kind of figured Equip would be pretty refreshing. And it was. But it was also very emotional.
There was a talk on Envy.
I think I've mentioned before that envy is something that I really struggle with.
One women during the conference described the talk as like being placed on an operating table and then "poke, poke, poke".
It was so helpful. But very confronting
One of the big things that was emphasised is that while Envy is obviously about other people, in many ways for Christian it boils down to our relationship with God.
Why is God kinder to her than to me?
It is that unhelpful idea that we sometimes have that God has a certain amount of "goodness" that he has to give people. Limited blessing. And when she is going well, and I am going badly, it's because God has decided to give his good to someone who isn't me.
But God is not like that.
God is infinitely good and generous.
And not only is God good.
He is good to me.
Me.
He is good to me even when my situation is not good.
He is good to me even when my heart is not in the right place.
He is working all things out for my good whether I like how he's doing it or not.
Ironically since the talk, with my lack of sleep, and a few other things, I've been overwhelmed with envy.
But now at least with God's help I'm fighting it. With these words.
God is good to me.
God is good to me.
love B
1 comment:
Hey B,
It's easy to think of God as limiting in blessings... thankfully, Ps 84:11 is a good remedy. =)
Thanks for all the FB pics. Been nice to see your recent activities, Princess Belinda!
Love,
Hon
Psalm 84
10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.
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