Things I'm loving right now

SPRING!
Spring is sprung the grass is ris, I wonder where the birdies is.
They say the bird is on the wing.
That's absurd, the wing is on the bird!

That is little saying my Dad has said for every Spring since I can remember.  It's a bit strange, but I keep up the tradition, though usually only in my head.

I love spring!  I love cherry blossoms and birds songs and early morning sunshine and weather in it's mid 20s and blue skies.  And linked in with spring.

MY SANDAL THONGS

These are the same shape if not the same pattern as mine (mine are even nicer).  I suspect it wasn't actually Gisele Bundchen who invented her range of sandal/thongs but whoever did, I want to make them a mango smoothie.  They are comfy enough to walk decent distances in, and they are casual but they look lovely.  And in the end of summer sales at Myer they cost only $20.  Loving having them on again.

KNITTING!
I am loving knitting so much.  Seriously, what a great way to somehow legitimise all the time I spend in front of the TV.  I have knitted before but struggled with how long it takes, but now I've worked out the secret to knitting fast.

Using really big needles.

I've just made a woolen shrug which I absolutely love although I did leave my run to late and haven't been about to wear it in this gorgeous weather.  I've also been knitting for a family member's baby and it turns out when the person you are knitting for is 10 times smaller than you, it takes a tenth of the time to make.  And it turns out alot cuter too!

PRAYING with Friends
I just joined my 2nd Prayer triplet yesterday.  They have different focuses and different people in them, and I love both of them.  So great to be able to pray with others, particularly as it's been something I've been struggling a bit with on my own.

MY TEENAGE BIBLE STUDY
On Sunday one of the teens pouted and said "Why do you leave us, just when we learnt to love you?" I always loved them, but I've been really appreciating them all, as they have been appreciating Tim and I, because I know we have only a term left together.  Some of the girls are getting Baptised in October, and I've been loving our weekly coffees/baptism classes :)  So great to see those little year seven's we started with beginning to take their faith really seriously.  So encouraging.  Not to mention they are tonnes of fun!

I don't write this post about things I love because I'm going wonderfully or because there are only good things going on.  That is not the case.  It's been a hard month, and hard year.

But there are things that bring me joy, and I want to dwell on and celebrate them.
God is giving me good things every day.
Love B

Being yourself in Ministry

Today I had a conversation with a lady who is investigating Jesus that started like this:

"Belinda, you are never envious or jealous.  How can I be like you?"

Ouch

It would have been bad enough if it was just a regular week, but this comment came smack bang in the middle of a week where Jealousy, Envy, and Anger were probably my three strongest emotions.

And once again I am forced to take a look at the way I do ministry.

Am I being fake?

I'm not deliberately being fake.  I do try to talk about my struggles and sin.  But I think in my efforts to be a good example, and particularly in my efforts to teach godly living, I give the impression that I have it figured all out.  And that, even accidentally, IS being fake.  I need to be more real and honest.

It was a great conversation, because it ultimately came back to the gospel, that Christians are not perfect, we are just sinners who acknowledge how bad we are and get God to help us as we struggle to change.  I said I could see myself growing, but that I often felt like the longer I lived, the more bad I find out I am.  This was something my friend could identify with!

Interesting she also said "Your husband must be more perfect than you because he is going to be a Pastor". It makes me realise that this is going to be a problem that grows for both Tim and I, that because of our very roles people were going to assume the best of our character.  And this is bad, both because it undermines the gospel (suggesting that being a Christian is about being good), and also because it means that people will see themselves on another level from us and therefore will be hesitant to either share struggles, or even follow our example (because they assume they will fail).  Our challenge is to be real, to keep sharing the gospel, and to keep pushing people to persevere with godliness, even though it is a life long task.

I don't have any answers though.  How do I be real about sin without revealing too-private struggles?  What struggles should I publicise.
Tricky questions!
love B

When I survey

My parents are Christians, and did a very kind service to me of sharing Jesus with me from a very young age.  I don't remember a time when I didn't love God.

So it's always hard for me when it comes to "testimonies" to find a moment when I "became a Christian".  But that is something I treasure rather than worry about.  It's actually a special thing, to know Jesus as Lord and Savour and have no memories of him being anything but :)

My first memory of understanding Jesus death on the cross, relates to the song "When I survey".  It was my Dad's favourite hymn and he would often sing it to me as a lullaby. I have no idea of the age of this memory (it mustn't have been too big, if I was still being sung to sleep!) but I remember reflecting on one of the verses.

See from his head
His hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingle down
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so richer crown

I remember listening and thinking that when Jesus died, he had a horrible painful crown of thorns.  But that crown was the most special crown in the world, because Jesus was dying for me.  Jesus died because he loved me.

And so, today, many, many years on, I cry when I sing that verse.

Good Friday indeed.
love Belinda

The work year over

For the first time all year- I am staring at the possibility of having a to-do list actually completed.

Clean office
Send final email re summer supervision
Put together activity sheets for Christmas and Boxing Day services.

Then I'm off.

Reflections on this year at work.

Really tough.

And yet really wonderful.

I wouldn't say it has been the easiest working year of my life. I've just been overwhelmed with the tasks I've had to do. It's funny- for various reasons- our whole staff team has designated this year as the year of "Just getting by". All the grand plans of things we hoped to achieve were dumped around May- and just surviving the year with the day to day jobs has been enough of a triumph.

And yet, God has continued to work.

Term 4- the craziest term in the year- has also been the most amazing. My Playgroup friend Maggie has become a Christian. The kids at Youth group seem to really be growing. I have three women to follow up in the New year who really want to know more about Jesus. My Mum's Bible study group is filled with the most enthuastic women. And after a slow year on the Sunday School front- at the end of the year we have been innondated with new families and crazy numbers of kids!. For the first term ever- I didn't have any stresses in organising Sunday School leaders and one of the leaders commented that this term of teaching- rather than being the overload she had felt previously- had been a huge delight and had really grown her in the faith. And our Carols service was the best attended ever with heaps of visitors. I am so thankful to God for this term, and humbled that I had so little to do with it :)

As I close the chapter on the best term of the year- I get excited about the holidays and try not to think too much about term 1- the worst term of the year. It's always so difficult!

But for now I'm relishing the fact that the for the first time all year- my to do list is about to become empty.
love Belinda

The fog lifts

It started with the Roses. It always does.

I didn't realise it at the time. But as I walked towards the office I looked up and there they were. The Roses. Bobbing away in the breeze, under a sky which had been blue for days. They were always there. But on Wednesday, I saw them. I hadn't seen them for weeks.

It wasn't what I would call an easy morning. There was lots to do, and lots of conversations to be had. My throat was tired and after singing and story telling and entertaining I was ready for a nap, not for work. But I grabbed myself some lunch and sat down at my desk.

I sat at my computer for around 30 minutes. Not working. I can't do this. I just can't do this. I thought to myself. Not just that I can't do the work that I knew needed to get done. I meant I can't do this job. I'm no good at it. It's too hard. I can't do this and life and everything else. I can't do this.

Just one email. I told myself. Send one email and then you will feel better.

So I sent one. And then I sent another. And then I opened up a document and starting listening what we would do at the Kids Club training day.

That actually sounds pretty good I thought to myself.

I kept working. I thought about Kids Club and all the great things that would happen. I thought about Scripture and Bible study. It was good. It was work. But it was good. And I was too busy doing it to tell myself that I couldn't.

Even then I didn't know.

It was this morning. The roses aren't the only sign for me. As I went for my walk I started singing. Singing in my head. Lolling along Glebe Point Road singing a song in my head. I had sung, I had listened to songs, I had even had them stuck in my head. But not this "I'm happy so I will sing" that I found myself in for the first time in weeks.

That's when I realised.

The fog had lifted.

When your feeling depressed and you loose your confidence, you don't always know what's going on. You know that it's happening, but you don't see the way that it creeps into every aspect of your life and colours it grey.

But when the fog goes away, when God in his kindness and wisdom helps you think true helpful thoughts and not negative lies.

The sky clears.

And you see the roses.
love B

Graciousness

Sometimes in Ministry you can't win!

You offend people when you ask them to help you with a ministry

You offend people when you don't ask them to help with a ministry

You offend people because they are convinced that you are offended by them- and they feel that you have no right to be offended by them, so they express to you how offended they are by the fact that you are offended by them when in fact you weren't offended in the first place.

But you are now!

And to be fair, sometimes I offend people because I don't put thought into how they are feeling and I am so busy and so self-absorbed that I don't treat them the way that I would like to be treated.

Ministry takes alot of grace.

God please help me to show grace to people the way you've shown grace to me!
Amen

love B