The Art of Overdoing exam prep

I hate being a semi-perfectionist!

I have to say semi, because though I have perfectionist tendencies- I can't call myself a true perfectionist. My house is disgracefully messy, my hand-writing in atrocious, and when I've been writing an essay forever, like your standard non-perfectionist I hand it in rather than checking and double checking because I am SO VERY SICK OF IT!

In fact, it was only a few years ago that I worked out I was a perfectionist at all. I was sitting in church and in the sermon it talked about how we tend to see perfectionism as a slight problem but really a good quality ( the kind of thing you say when asked in an interview what your weakness's are..."I'm too much of a perfectionist, I need my work to be just right!"). But that in reality perfectionism can often mask an underlying insecurity that what I do has to be perfect or people/God won't be happy with me. I suddenly realised at that moment that I was a perfectionist. I may not be in all areas of my life. But I know I avoid doing things I know that I'll be bad at- I just stick with my strengths. I set ridiculously high standards for myself academically- and it's only when I talk to other people that I realise that this isn't normal. And particularly in relationships I'm often so stressed about serving people that it becomes about "Being the perfect friend" and not about serving or caring for them.

While I think I'm getting better in all these areas, the semi-perfectionist tendencies reared their ugly heads again this week as I began to study for exams.

The reality of exams is usually that you work out what might be on the exam, and you make sure you cover enough topics in your prep to make sure you can answer most of the questions.

But this is what goes through my head "Alright, for section C of the OT exam, I'll make sure I've got Psalms and Job down. One of them has come up in every exam for the last ten years. I'll be fine. But what if they don't? What if this is the year that they don't? I really should cover wisdom literature generally? But what about if there is a question about "The writings" generally. That came up in 2002. There could be 3 questions- one on the Apocryphal writing, one on "the writings", and one on Daniel- none of my topics. Maybe I should do the writings too. I could probably wing it though- I could just work it out on the day if I had to. But what if I panic? I don't normally panic in exams. But what if this is the first, what if this is the first and I panic and I fail. I never failed before...maybe I should do the writings too".

This is the point where I come to Tim- he rolls his eyes at me, tells me that I'll be fine and I realise I'm being an idiot.

Friends, please pray for me. I want to do well, but more than that I want to learn and grow. And most of all, I want to learn not to put my eggs in the "I'm academic" basket. My eggs should all be in the "Jesus died for me" basket.
love B