There are certain things I know about myself.
For the sake of my mental health, every so often, I need two nights away with my husband.
Two nights.
Not one.
Two.
Don't get me wrong. One night is wonderful! It is so wonderful. But the problem is that it ends up being just that. One night.
Mornings packing, cleaning the house so it doesn't depress the holiday out of us when we get home, and thinking- we should get a bite to eat before we go. Arrive at the place usually around 3. Have a lovely, lovely time. But then, the next day, once you've packed up and eaten lunch and you hit that afternoon slump, you end up heading home. To a home that isn't quite as clean as you remembered. To computers and books and xbox and television and whatever is happening the next day. Not that these things are bad. But suddenly the holiday grinds to a holt.
But when you have two nights holiday- you end up with this glorious, completely-contained holiday day in the middle. And THAT is what I need right now.
Tim and I were trying to work out it.
First plan was for me to leave work early on Thursday- so that we could go somewhere for Thursday night and Friday night.
Commitment Saturday morning. Scratch that.
I didn't know what i could do! Then my scripture class was cancelled for Thursday and one of the lovely Mum's in my Bible study offered to run an end of year morning tea and prayer time for that day so I could take it off.
I enthusiastically told Tim: "We can go away Wednesday night and Thursday night".
Tim: "But we have "Food for Thought" on that night" (FFT is our annual big church dinner when people can invite their friends to hear about Jesus)
GRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr... (don't get me wrong- I LOVE Food For Though- but the timing is just...Grrrrrr)
We still haven't worked out exactly what it will look like- but we are getting our two nights. Even if it means starting our mini-break at 10pm on Wednesday night!
It has been a big year. And while I have had lovely holiday time in Melbourne, I have not had holiday time with Tim.
I need my one glorious day.
love B
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
life sans sunsets
The biggest drag about living in the crammed urban world that is the Inner West of Sydney is the lack of sunsets. I sometimes get glimmers of how good it could be by the light reflecting off the apartment building out the study window. But when in excitement I go searching to see it- there is nowhere to go. No big hills or flat expanses to walk to. Just more buildings close together. An occasional glimmer between them, and its gone.
I miss my sunsets :(
love B
I miss my sunsets :(
love B
Friday, June 18, 2010
The fog lifts
It started with the Roses. It always does.
I didn't realise it at the time. But as I walked towards the office I looked up and there they were. The Roses. Bobbing away in the breeze, under a sky which had been blue for days. They were always there. But on Wednesday, I saw them. I hadn't seen them for weeks.
It wasn't what I would call an easy morning. There was lots to do, and lots of conversations to be had. My throat was tired and after singing and story telling and entertaining I was ready for a nap, not for work. But I grabbed myself some lunch and sat down at my desk.
I sat at my computer for around 30 minutes. Not working. I can't do this. I just can't do this. I thought to myself. Not just that I can't do the work that I knew needed to get done. I meant I can't do this job. I'm no good at it. It's too hard. I can't do this and life and everything else. I can't do this.
Just one email. I told myself. Send one email and then you will feel better.
So I sent one. And then I sent another. And then I opened up a document and starting listening what we would do at the Kids Club training day.
That actually sounds pretty good I thought to myself.
I kept working. I thought about Kids Club and all the great things that would happen. I thought about Scripture and Bible study. It was good. It was work. But it was good. And I was too busy doing it to tell myself that I couldn't.
Even then I didn't know.
It was this morning. The roses aren't the only sign for me. As I went for my walk I started singing. Singing in my head. Lolling along Glebe Point Road singing a song in my head. I had sung, I had listened to songs, I had even had them stuck in my head. But not this "I'm happy so I will sing" that I found myself in for the first time in weeks.
That's when I realised.
The fog had lifted.
When your feeling depressed and you loose your confidence, you don't always know what's going on. You know that it's happening, but you don't see the way that it creeps into every aspect of your life and colours it grey.
But when the fog goes away, when God in his kindness and wisdom helps you think true helpful thoughts and not negative lies.
The sky clears.
And you see the roses.
love B
I didn't realise it at the time. But as I walked towards the office I looked up and there they were. The Roses. Bobbing away in the breeze, under a sky which had been blue for days. They were always there. But on Wednesday, I saw them. I hadn't seen them for weeks.
It wasn't what I would call an easy morning. There was lots to do, and lots of conversations to be had. My throat was tired and after singing and story telling and entertaining I was ready for a nap, not for work. But I grabbed myself some lunch and sat down at my desk.
I sat at my computer for around 30 minutes. Not working. I can't do this. I just can't do this. I thought to myself. Not just that I can't do the work that I knew needed to get done. I meant I can't do this job. I'm no good at it. It's too hard. I can't do this and life and everything else. I can't do this.
Just one email. I told myself. Send one email and then you will feel better.
So I sent one. And then I sent another. And then I opened up a document and starting listening what we would do at the Kids Club training day.
That actually sounds pretty good I thought to myself.
I kept working. I thought about Kids Club and all the great things that would happen. I thought about Scripture and Bible study. It was good. It was work. But it was good. And I was too busy doing it to tell myself that I couldn't.
Even then I didn't know.
It was this morning. The roses aren't the only sign for me. As I went for my walk I started singing. Singing in my head. Lolling along Glebe Point Road singing a song in my head. I had sung, I had listened to songs, I had even had them stuck in my head. But not this "I'm happy so I will sing" that I found myself in for the first time in weeks.
That's when I realised.
The fog had lifted.
When your feeling depressed and you loose your confidence, you don't always know what's going on. You know that it's happening, but you don't see the way that it creeps into every aspect of your life and colours it grey.
But when the fog goes away, when God in his kindness and wisdom helps you think true helpful thoughts and not negative lies.
The sky clears.
And you see the roses.
love B
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Technology and compliments
Tim has recently acquired a new toy- an iPhone.
When they first came out he was a little bit interested but that interest quickly waned. After his old phone busted and he was finally due for a new plan- the topic came up again. And after numerous debates and discussions, now he has one.
I spent the first week joking that the iPhone was the third partner in our relationship, as when we went to bed, rather than speaking to me he would be checking facebook or playing the Settlers-of-Catan ap!
And at a recent seminar on marriage at college- when people had to put up suggestions of what was "marriage intimacy" killers- several people suggested iPhone and ipods!
But there are some benefits to our relationship.
I love compliments, and I particularly appreciate when I'm feeling down having Tim list all the things he appreciates about me. He willingly does it for me very regularly, but it can be a bit taxing for him.
Enter the iPhone!
Now- with the excellent voice recorder software- Tim has made a copy of him saying how much he loves and appreciates me. So whenever I need to hear it- its there- in just the touch of a button :)
And now, with Tim being away for the weekend, he's sent me a copy so I can hear his sexy voice saying lovely things whenever I want!
I think the iPhone can stay :)
love B
When they first came out he was a little bit interested but that interest quickly waned. After his old phone busted and he was finally due for a new plan- the topic came up again. And after numerous debates and discussions, now he has one.
I spent the first week joking that the iPhone was the third partner in our relationship, as when we went to bed, rather than speaking to me he would be checking facebook or playing the Settlers-of-Catan ap!
And at a recent seminar on marriage at college- when people had to put up suggestions of what was "marriage intimacy" killers- several people suggested iPhone and ipods!
But there are some benefits to our relationship.
I love compliments, and I particularly appreciate when I'm feeling down having Tim list all the things he appreciates about me. He willingly does it for me very regularly, but it can be a bit taxing for him.
Enter the iPhone!
Now- with the excellent voice recorder software- Tim has made a copy of him saying how much he loves and appreciates me. So whenever I need to hear it- its there- in just the touch of a button :)
And now, with Tim being away for the weekend, he's sent me a copy so I can hear his sexy voice saying lovely things whenever I want!
I think the iPhone can stay :)
love B
Saturday, June 12, 2010
My little book
Earlier this week I opened my novel. For the first time in ages. I thought I'd check how long. I opened up the properties in the document to see when it was last accessed. April 29th. Yikes!
I think I've talked about this before- but the times when I'm writing I'm happy, and my periods of non-writing are often when I'm stress, overworked, or down. I don't know what comes first: Does writing make me happy, or do I only write when I'm happy?
Regardless of which is which- I want to write more :)
I printed out my story so I could have a read of it hard copy to start working out what needs to be added. It was trippy. I accidentally printed it out in booklet form. And you know what! It actually looks like a little book. I sat on the train reading it thinking- this feels like a book! A book that makes only a little sense because large chunks of the story haven't been finished yet- but a book nonetheless.
So what are the stats?
144 pages
40,895 words.
My aim for this month is to make the changes that I have written onto my hard copy, and to finish writing up everything in my notebook onto my computer copy. And to fill in the small holes in the first half of the story.
The second half of this year? Write the bulk of the second half of my story. A scary but exhilarating prospect.
love B
I think I've talked about this before- but the times when I'm writing I'm happy, and my periods of non-writing are often when I'm stress, overworked, or down. I don't know what comes first: Does writing make me happy, or do I only write when I'm happy?
Regardless of which is which- I want to write more :)
I printed out my story so I could have a read of it hard copy to start working out what needs to be added. It was trippy. I accidentally printed it out in booklet form. And you know what! It actually looks like a little book. I sat on the train reading it thinking- this feels like a book! A book that makes only a little sense because large chunks of the story haven't been finished yet- but a book nonetheless.
So what are the stats?
144 pages
40,895 words.
My aim for this month is to make the changes that I have written onto my hard copy, and to finish writing up everything in my notebook onto my computer copy. And to fill in the small holes in the first half of the story.
The second half of this year? Write the bulk of the second half of my story. A scary but exhilarating prospect.
love B
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
How Long...
Monday wasn't a great day.
Part way through the day I was struggling with unanswered prayers and thinking about Psalms- and I started thinking about the one or two Psalms which have the line in them "How Long, oh Lord...". I decided to try to find them, so I opened up www.biblegateway.com
I found many, many Psalms which contained the words "How Long?". How often does the cry come from God's people! And it is not an incorrect thing to ask.
But something else came up too:
"This is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, says: 'How long will you refuse to humble yourself before me? Ex 10:3
Then the LORD said to Moses, "How long will you refuse to keep my commands and my instructions?Exodus 16:27
The LORD said to Moses, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them?Numbers 14:11
The LORD said to Samuel, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king." 1 Samuel 16:1
Elijah went before the people and said, "How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him." But the people said nothing. 1 Kings 18:21
How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame ? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ? Psalm 4:2
How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? Prov 6:9
O Jerusalem, wash the evil from your heart and be saved. How long will you harbor wicked thoughts? Jeremiah 4:14
God has given this cry to, when he's observed stiff-necked people. People like me.
Thank you Lord, for your patience.
Please grant me patience too.
Amen
Love B
Part way through the day I was struggling with unanswered prayers and thinking about Psalms- and I started thinking about the one or two Psalms which have the line in them "How Long, oh Lord...". I decided to try to find them, so I opened up www.biblegateway.com
I found many, many Psalms which contained the words "How Long?". How often does the cry come from God's people! And it is not an incorrect thing to ask.
But something else came up too:
"This is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, says: 'How long will you refuse to humble yourself before me? Ex 10:3
Then the LORD said to Moses, "How long will you refuse to keep my commands and my instructions?Exodus 16:27
The LORD said to Moses, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them?Numbers 14:11
The LORD said to Samuel, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king." 1 Samuel 16:1
Elijah went before the people and said, "How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him." But the people said nothing. 1 Kings 18:21
How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame ? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ? Psalm 4:2
How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? Prov 6:9
O Jerusalem, wash the evil from your heart and be saved. How long will you harbor wicked thoughts? Jeremiah 4:14
God has given this cry to, when he's observed stiff-necked people. People like me.
Thank you Lord, for your patience.
Please grant me patience too.
Amen
Love B
Monday, June 7, 2010
Graciousness
Sometimes in Ministry you can't win!
You offend people when you ask them to help you with a ministry
You offend people when you don't ask them to help with a ministry
You offend people because they are convinced that you are offended by them- and they feel that you have no right to be offended by them, so they express to you how offended they are by the fact that you are offended by them when in fact you weren't offended in the first place.
But you are now!
And to be fair, sometimes I offend people because I don't put thought into how they are feeling and I am so busy and so self-absorbed that I don't treat them the way that I would like to be treated.
Ministry takes alot of grace.
God please help me to show grace to people the way you've shown grace to me!
Amen
love B
You offend people when you ask them to help you with a ministry
You offend people when you don't ask them to help with a ministry
You offend people because they are convinced that you are offended by them- and they feel that you have no right to be offended by them, so they express to you how offended they are by the fact that you are offended by them when in fact you weren't offended in the first place.
But you are now!
And to be fair, sometimes I offend people because I don't put thought into how they are feeling and I am so busy and so self-absorbed that I don't treat them the way that I would like to be treated.
Ministry takes alot of grace.
God please help me to show grace to people the way you've shown grace to me!
Amen
love B
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Fiona's Kitchen (Tea!) Rules
Hi folks,
I thought I'd share with you a few photos of my friends Fi's Kitchen Tea- particularly because I'm a little bit proud of it! It was something that myself and the other Bridesmaids put allot of thought into- and it was really fun. It's the kind of thing that could work for a social event at church or with friends.
We decided that given Australia's current obsession with Cooking shows we would have a Master Chef themed Kitchen Tea.
We called it "Fiona's Kitchen (Tea!) Rules"- complete with a little FKR logo on the invites and on posters on the walls. Fi didn't know details of what was going to happen. We got everyone to dress up in aprons.
Everyone also bought along a receipy to put into Fi's special FKR book
We dressed Fiona up in her very own "Princess Fiona" apron- complete with a crown
First challenge was the mystery box! Fi (along with two hand picked helpers) had to make something out of the ingredience we gave her. People could watch and chat.
Fi and her helpers had 15 minutes to either plate up (ideally) or at least have her dish in the oven.
These are Fi's beautiful Pear pancakes with cinnamon flavoured cream cheese icing with pear garnish :)
We got some guests (including Fi's Mum and Mother-in-Law to be!) who gave some Master chef-eques special comments and scores.
Then it was on to the Taste Test! My Mum had prepared an amazing slow cooked lamb stew made of 14 ingredients.
Guests got to taste and look at the stew and decide what they thought was in it.
Final activity: We all got a chance to decorate some cupcakes with various goodies we provided.
And Fi got to judge the most beautiful creation
Me and My sister
All in all, it was a fun but exhausting morning!
I thought I'd share with you a few photos of my friends Fi's Kitchen Tea- particularly because I'm a little bit proud of it! It was something that myself and the other Bridesmaids put allot of thought into- and it was really fun. It's the kind of thing that could work for a social event at church or with friends.
We decided that given Australia's current obsession with Cooking shows we would have a Master Chef themed Kitchen Tea.
We called it "Fiona's Kitchen (Tea!) Rules"- complete with a little FKR logo on the invites and on posters on the walls. Fi didn't know details of what was going to happen. We got everyone to dress up in aprons.
Everyone also bought along a receipy to put into Fi's special FKR book
We dressed Fiona up in her very own "Princess Fiona" apron- complete with a crown
First challenge was the mystery box! Fi (along with two hand picked helpers) had to make something out of the ingredience we gave her. People could watch and chat.
Fi and her helpers had 15 minutes to either plate up (ideally) or at least have her dish in the oven.
These are Fi's beautiful Pear pancakes with cinnamon flavoured cream cheese icing with pear garnish :)
We got some guests (including Fi's Mum and Mother-in-Law to be!) who gave some Master chef-eques special comments and scores.
Then it was on to the Taste Test! My Mum had prepared an amazing slow cooked lamb stew made of 14 ingredients.
Guests got to taste and look at the stew and decide what they thought was in it.
Final activity: We all got a chance to decorate some cupcakes with various goodies we provided.
And Fi got to judge the most beautiful creation
Me and My sister
All in all, it was a fun but exhausting morning!
love B
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Pictures from the wedding week
Here are some pics from my crazy but wonderful wedding week:
The first needs a bit of an explanation. On the Tuesday before the wedding I fulfilled a life long dream by being the entertainment at a kids birthday, specifically I was "Princess Belinda" for Ella's (one of the wedding flower-girls) Princess party. Don't have that many good pics yet of it, but here is a little self-portrait featuring a cute little tiara.
In the car on the way to the wedding, with my fellow bridesmaids Kate and Lisa
Hmm, not sure how to turn pictures around, but here is me arriving at the church
Kate and I- gives you a sense of the dress, which I absolutely loved. They worked so well, and even though Lisa had a maternity version made (she was six months pregnant) it still worked really well together
Me and Tim! The wedding week was the longest we'd been apart since we got married.
Me and the beautiful Ella (4)- she was a flowergirl and very delightful company in the week leading up to the wedding
And Fi the beautiful bride!
The first needs a bit of an explanation. On the Tuesday before the wedding I fulfilled a life long dream by being the entertainment at a kids birthday, specifically I was "Princess Belinda" for Ella's (one of the wedding flower-girls) Princess party. Don't have that many good pics yet of it, but here is a little self-portrait featuring a cute little tiara.
In the car on the way to the wedding, with my fellow bridesmaids Kate and Lisa
Hmm, not sure how to turn pictures around, but here is me arriving at the church
Kate and I- gives you a sense of the dress, which I absolutely loved. They worked so well, and even though Lisa had a maternity version made (she was six months pregnant) it still worked really well together
Me and Tim! The wedding week was the longest we'd been apart since we got married.
Me and the beautiful Ella (4)- she was a flowergirl and very delightful company in the week leading up to the wedding
And Fi the beautiful bride!
love B
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