An important purchasing decision

I have a few minutes spare and so I walk into the newagent.  I have a really important purchase coming up, and I want to make sure I have put thought into it before I buy.

I love newsagents.  I am not someone who likes spending money, but if I was, I would spend it on stationary.  I still remember the joy of my first "proper job"- and being shown the stationary cupboard and being told "take whatever you need".  Pens, texta's, pretty paper, highlighters.  It's a magical world.

But I'm not here for pens.

I walk through rows of notebooks.  A5 of course.  A5 is perfect because it's portable.  And this purchase must be portable.

But they are plain, boring, and very ordinary.  And very ordinary is fine for my work notebook.  But not for this.

A lady directs me to the "pretty section", and I begin to smile.  So many lovely ones.  I eye the leather ones jealously.  They look so "authorey" but they are expensive, and usually don't have lines I like.

There is a beautiful blue shiny one with glitter and ocean-shades.  I open it up, only to realise it's not ring bound.  It must be ring bound.  I need to be able to flip over the page, so that wherever I am, I can prop up a knee, and write

I open another one.  It is a bit plain, but still pretty.  But the lines are too widely spaced.

I sigh as I look.  When I'm shopping for clothes, usually after a few minutes of flicking up a few tags to look at prices, and running my hands along a row of hangers- I realise, today is not a day where I have patients for shopping.  Today is similar.  I'm just not ready.  This is an important purchase- and I must get it right.

The frustrating thing is that somewhere lost at home i have a lovely, red-leather bound notebook with perfectly spaced lines.  It has no ring binding, but it was a present from a dear friend- and this covers up a multitude of sins.  It seems appropriate too- because my current writing notebook was a gift as well.  A simple pink notebook with a black panel filled with poka-dots.

But my beloved poka-dot journal is on it's last legs.  And appropriately enough- there is just enough space to take the notes I need to finish my novel.

I think that is partly why this is an important purchase.  This is the next stage.  This notebook will be for my next writing project, my next novel.  That idea fills me with excitement.  What fun I will have!  What ideas will be worked on and processed and work-shoped or will just come?

And such ideas need a pretty place to play.

Who am I?

I've been going through a week of big questions about my life and the future and what I am doing.

Part of it was being on holidays and having time to think.  Part of it is still dealing with the pain of our loss.  Part of it is knowing that next year is going to be a time of huge changes, as I leave a job and a city and a life.  Part of it is being asked regularly (and not surprisingly) "What are you going to do next year?".  Most of the questioning has been serious and tough.  I feel like I don't know what my life is about and it's really hard to be in my thirties and still not be sure about what is the best thing to be doing with my time.  And I can't help thinking about how different next year could have been... :'(

But there has been a little silly part of me that has been doing some dreaming out of the box, and that has been the fun part of the uncertainty of next year.

Things I would love to do if I actually had the power to get any job I want:

-Author 
Of course I will be writing regardless.  But the dream is that someone will see my novel, realise it's potential, and give me lots of money to finish it.
-Playschool presenter!
It's been a dream of mine since I used to watch it, but after nearly three years of Playgroup running I genuinely think I would be really good.  I can't speak for other demographics, but I rock the under 5.  Now if we can only convince the ABC...
-Video game story-line writer
I really enjoy watching my husband play story based video games, which often have a sci-fi/Fantasy twist.  I would love to come up with concepts that can be turned into a video game.  They are like fatasy movies, although with different plots and posibilities depending on what the player does.  It's like choose your own adventure writing on steriods!
Governor General
I've seen the house.  It's got the best view in Sydney.  Of course we are moving back to Melbourne so it wouldn't really work...maybe a retirement options?
The next Oprah
Do i need an explanation?

The possibilities are endless...
Love B

2012 and beyond

When I first started this blog- I had very recently moved to the city of Sydney.  The whole idea of the blog was to keep friends updated on my life in the new city, and because I was studying, it was an opportunity to reflect on what I was learning.

Three years on, things are very different.  I am no longer studying, but working in a job that is hard work but a blessing.  And while this blog is still primarily about informing friends, it is also just a way of me processing the things that happen in my life and hopefully encouraging people along the way.

But the big news is that at the end of this year, Tim will have finished his Bible College studies and we will be moving back to Melbourne.

This means alot of changes, such as minor ones like coming up with a new blog name ;)

But one of the biggest things changes is that Tim and I will be embarking on a new ministry adventure.

God-willing- next year Tim and I will be planting a church in Melbourne, in the Suburb of Box Hill.

Even writing the words I suddenly get filled with all kinds of different emotions: the two biggest being excitement and fear!  And I think excitement and fear will be two emotions I will get rather used to as this year continues :)

I know that church planting will not be an easy venture.  But I love Jesus, and I love sharing him with those who are yet to know him, and even with the challenges, I look forward to the opportunities for evangelism that Church planting will create.

Tim and I (well, really it was me, I'm the blogger in the family) have started a new blog about the church plant.  I'd love you to check it out, and start praying for us :)

http://www.gracechristiancommunity.blogspot.com/

It is hard to believe that it has been three years since I started this blog!  I'm really thankful to God for those of you who read it, and particularly those who have continued to love and care for us even when we have been far away.

And I am thankful to God for the last three years.  They haven't been easy, but they have been important and filled with much joy and blessing.
Love B

Operation Relocation

It just hit me today.

So far in my mind I've been pining after Melbourne people. Melbourne friends. Regretting the things that I'm missing, longing for the day when I would be back again.

But its just hit me. In a year and a little more than half we will be back in Melbourne. Perhaps for the rest of our lives.

And I'm suddenly realising how much I love my Sydney friends. How hard it will be to leave.

But before my Melbourne friends let out a sigh of horror (or even a few I told you so's) rest assured we are definitely coming back to Melbourne. Melbourne is home, and even if it wasn't- it is where I think we are needed.

But it's gonna hurt. Not to leave the city. But to leave the people. And it won't be like these two years of missing Melbourne friends, because in my mind it was always temporary.

But realistically, there are people who I dearly love who I will probably never live in the same city as again.

Wait- that's not true. In Heaven we will. And that will be amazing.

But I'll miss them while I wait.

And that brings me to my new plan.

Operation Relocation!

Get all my dearest Sydney friends to decide to make the permanent move to Melbourne!

I started with one friend today. She might have been humouring me, but she didn't sound totally against to the idea.

Operation Relocation.

Sydney friends- you have been warned!
love B

30 years worth of thankyous!

On Kyck we were challenged to not be people who were focused on gaining things that don't last (money, fame, things etc), but to be people who thanked God for the good gifts he gives us.

So, to celebrate my birthday- I thought I would thank God for things that he has given me over the years of my life.

Year 0-Thanks God for giving me life!
Year 1- Thanks God for giving me awesome parents who told me of you and loved me so kindly and wisely
Year 2- Thanks for my sister!
Year 3-Thanks for the Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins who bring such joy
Year 4- Thanks for the house I grew up in, particularly the huge backyard where I could run around, dream, make up stories, and talk to you
Year 5- Thanks for primary school- for the things you taught me and the lessons I learnt about life and the world you created
Year 6- Thanks for my Grandparents farm- a place where I experienced so much joy.
Year 7- Thanks for St Mary's and St Paul's where I had such fun at church and where I learnt so many amazing things about you and your son.
Year 8-Thanks for the imagination that you gave me, and the many fun years (still continuing) of making up stories
Year 9-Thanks for friends you gave me
Year 10-Thanks for the time you gave me in the states- the beautiful world of Madison that you decided in your Divine plan to share with me
Year 11-Thanks for the experience of living in another country- and the love you gave me starting then for people who are from countries other than Australia
Year 12- Thanks for the church I went to in America- particularly my Sunday School teacher Laura who helped me understand what it means that we are all sinners
Year 13- Thanks for High school. Even though it was a hard 6 years, I learnt so much and I grew so much and I am thankful for how you used it to shape me into the person that I am.
Year 14- Thanks for Youth Group- for the leaders, for the opportunities for ministry, for all the fun times, and for the friends.
Year 15- Thanks for Jesus! (That is relevant for every year- but I might as well stick it here, and 15 was a hard year and knowing that Jesus died for me was something that helped get me through it)
Year 16-Thanks for letting me go overseas to Europe. You have blessed me with so many special experiences and I am grateful.
Year 17- Thanks for Beach Mission! It was such a key time in my walk with you, the friends I made are so precious, and it was there that I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life telling people about Jesus. What a blessing!
Year 18-Thanks for giving me a love of learning.
Year 19-Thanks for Uni. Thanks for that fun crazy time. Thanks particularly for the Christian Union I was apart of- for the fun, the friendships, and the Bible teaching and training which has made such a difference to my Christian life and service.
Year 20-Thanks for my friend Fi- thanks for the way you have used her over the years to be such a source of encouragement and fun!
Year 21-Thanks for teaching me that I should find my self-worth in you and not in other people (still learning that one- but 21 was a key year)
Year 22-Thanks for giving me jobs- allowing me to earn money. Thanks for the growing up that took place and the lessons I learnt.
Year 23-Thanks for introducing me to the most amazing man in the world. Thanks that (after a while!) he decided to ask me out. Thanks that despite my worries over the previous 22 years that you had it all figured out!
Year 24-Thanks for my marriage to Tim. Thanks that despite the fact that we are both sinners, that you have used us to grow each other. Thanks for all those amazing fun times.
Year 25-Thanks for the chance to do an apprenticeship at RMIT. It was just amazing to have people donate money so that I could spend my time reading the Bible with Uni-students and encouraging them in their faith. Thanks for the blessing of being trained by the gifted and godly Steve and Heather. I grew so much.
Year 26- Thanks for Scots Church- for all the things we learnt and the dear friends we made. It is such a blessing even now when we are far away that we have such caring lovely "couple friends" who welcome us back as if we never left.
Year 27-Thanks for Bible College. I still can't believe I got that one precious year of studying your word. Thanks for that unexpected Gift.
Year 28-Thanks for Chatswood Baptist and particularly the chance of getting to work there. Only you could work things out so well! Thanks for Children's ministry and making it fun as well as challenging
Year 29-Thanks for the way that despite hard things and trials and time away from family, that you have held me tight to you, and grown me in my faith.

Year 30
Plenty of things I could say- but as it's only been 11 and half hours (or less than an hour depending if you are going via the actual time of birth), I won't dwell on them ;)
But even though I don't know what this year holds- I know that it is in the hands of a creator who loves me.
Thanks God for being in control of my life.
I love you.
Amen
B

Reflection on the term that's been

Technically the term is not over yet- I still have two playgroups, several meetings, a Bible study and a scripture Easter lesson to go!

But I've spent much of the weekend thinking about the term that's been and I thought I'd share a little (don't worry, not everything!) of what's been coming up.

As I approached this year i was excited. For the first time in many years, with the exception of moving house- I was hitting a year without major changes. I normally hate change, and so I thought that it was going to be an easy year start.

It wasn't.

For a start, my job ramped up a notch. Normally when I tell people that I work 4 days a week Tim pipes up with the quip "No, you work full-time, your just paid four days". I normally disagree, but I've had to confess that this year- due to some ministry commitments that I have somewhat willingly taken on- it is definitely heading to at the least 4.5 days, some weeks 5.

Plus, to my complete shock, the fact that there wasn't any changes was hard.

So many people in my life are going to changes. Good changes. Exciting new jobs, changes to their families, whatever it might be. And in many ways I was feeling like i was being left behind- like my life and my world were stagnant. Envy- the sin monster who is my most violent of foes- reared up more overwhelming than ever.

It's been a hard term.

But I've been learning alot.

Unsurprisingly I suppose- the hard things have been nosing me toward God, and I've actually seen my trust in God grow. My huge fears about the future and what we might be doing are still there, but they now stand along side a strange new feeling, a sense that maybe uncertainty and suffering are okay- if they are for Jesus.

And I've rediscovered in the last 4 weeks a love for my job.

As term began I knew I was leading a Bible study- and I knew I didn't have time for it. I felt a bit resentful that once again something had fallen to me to do- because there was no one else. My feelings where not helped when the first week for various good reasons- no one came. I sat in the room where the Bible study was suppose to be and managed just to hold in my tears.

The next week Bible study happened. And it was wonderful!

I forgot how much I loved leading Bible study. I forgot how special it is to sit down with other Christian women and see what God has to say to us. In my frustration at the situation I forgot the privileged that it is to serve.

So those are some of the things that have been going on. I am very tired and weary, and looking forward to the holidays so I can stop, and work four days for a change :)
So tired in fact, that I can't think of a good end to this post. So...
love B