Today I had a conversation with a lady who is investigating Jesus that started like this:
"Belinda, you are never envious or jealous. How can I be like you?"
Ouch
It would have been bad enough if it was just a regular week, but this comment came smack bang in the middle of a week where Jealousy, Envy, and Anger were probably my three strongest emotions.
And once again I am forced to take a look at the way I do ministry.
Am I being fake?
I'm not deliberately being fake. I do try to talk about my struggles and sin. But I think in my efforts to be a good example, and particularly in my efforts to teach godly living, I give the impression that I have it figured all out. And that, even accidentally, IS being fake. I need to be more real and honest.
It was a great conversation, because it ultimately came back to the gospel, that Christians are not perfect, we are just sinners who acknowledge how bad we are and get God to help us as we struggle to change. I said I could see myself growing, but that I often felt like the longer I lived, the more bad I find out I am. This was something my friend could identify with!
Interesting she also said "Your husband must be more perfect than you because he is going to be a Pastor". It makes me realise that this is going to be a problem that grows for both Tim and I, that because of our very roles people were going to assume the best of our character. And this is bad, both because it undermines the gospel (suggesting that being a Christian is about being good), and also because it means that people will see themselves on another level from us and therefore will be hesitant to either share struggles, or even follow our example (because they assume they will fail). Our challenge is to be real, to keep sharing the gospel, and to keep pushing people to persevere with godliness, even though it is a life long task.
I don't have any answers though. How do I be real about sin without revealing too-private struggles? What struggles should I publicise.
Tricky questions!
love B
