BG Sydney-side

My New Blog!

2011-12-15T10:11:00.000+11:00

I have a new blog! From now on I will be writing at www.threeworldsofbg.blogspot.com

I'd love you to come and have a look.

It's been wonderful sharing my adventures Sydneyside with you all :)

love B

The last post in Sydney- from Melbourne

2011-12-15T07:27:00.000+11:00

Things in your head very rarely turn out quite like you expect on the plate.

That is in many ways how I feel about this blog post. It would have been really lovely to have a final blog post from this blog, written on my final day or two in Sydney. A beautiful opportunity to reflect on all that is happened, all that I have learnt.

But of course, the last two weeks have been spent finishing work and packing and cleaning the house. So my final post "Sydney-side" is actually being written at my parent-in-laws dinning room table in Camberwell :)

But, in this un-ideal reality I thought I would be still worthwhile reflecting on my time in Sydney, and particularly the goodbyes of the last few weeks.

SYDNEY
It really is a special city. In many ways its always seemed surreal, catching a train to work over the harbour bridge, hanging at darling harbour, driving the 20 minutes it takes to get to Bondi. I have enjoyed living there. But the main things that have made our time in Sydney have been People, College, Church, and Newtown. God has provided some terrific friends, friends that have been with us through some really tough times, laughed with us through the fun times, and been some amazing godly examples to us. College has been wonderful, both for supplying many of the above friends, but also for the wonderful stretching Tim has been through as he's wrestled with God's Word in great depth. Church has been such an important part of our lives in Sydney, in many ways they have been our family. And Newtown has been such a fun place to live, in many ways feeling like another character in the play of our lives in Sydney.

THE LAST FEW WEEKS
The last few weeks have been mad, so many goodbyes, some really positive and happy, some really sad. I have felt so loved and appreciated by those I've worked with. The thoughtful presents from Playgroup people, the words of encouragement, and the support of our future plans has been great comfort through the pain of change. When I look back on these last few weeks, I am very aware of God's goodness in providing lots of evidence that the last three years of ministry have not been in vain. This is not aways the case for those of us in ministry, and it is a great comfort as I step into a new life and a new role, to see that God can use me despite my weakness

NOW?
Now, well, now is time to get a new blog. I'm going to do some work on it tonight, and hopefully have it ready in the next week :) Stay tuned for the link!

Thanks for following my Sydney adventures!
love B

Slowly disappearing

2011-11-22T17:48:00.001+11:00

Man moving is weird.

It is going so fast. And one of the reasons it is going so fast is because we are so busy. Packing is going quite slowly. Every time I set aside for packing, someone invites us to do something. Hmmmm- hanging out with friends we will not longer live near or packing.

Which do you think I choose?
:)
B

I feel like such a goose. I just read this post and realised that it didn't make sense- the title is "slowly disappearing" and then I say "going so fast". Perhaps shares more about my crazy brain that the post itself :)

For Term 4

2011-11-16T13:21:00.000+11:00

Why do I do ministry?

I do ministry for Term 4

Ministry can be really hard. It can be such a term 1. Lots of admin, lots of organisation, lots of asking people to do this or that and have them say no and thinking "For once I wish I could say no- but I can't because I'm paid to do this". New relationship where you can't tell if people are shy or if they actually don't want to talk to you! All that careful planning and you still find yourself saying "Why didn't I do this task before the madness of the year began!"

But I do ministry for Term 4

Ministry can be really crazy. It can be such a Term 2. Seeing an event you were going to run sneaking up on the calender, and having to decide that its just not going to happen. Exhaustion as everyone Else's long weekend is your busy time. A whirl wind of emotions, as one week you see Teenagers get so excited about God, and the next week someone suggests that there is something wrong with the way you are leading Bible study. And all the prep for a big ministry event- with the fruit still along way off.

But I do Ministry for Term 4

Ministry can be really exhausting. It can be such a Term 3. And amazing week of Kids Club- but with no time to recover before it's back to work again. All the events that all ended up in the same month, despite your supposed careful planning of the church calendar. All the people who suddenly want to meet, learn, grow, find out about Jesus, who you are so excited about- and yet how do you fit them in? All the personal drama's that always seems to come up right on the day of a talk your giving, a Bible study your leading, or a kids talk you are doing. And all you can do is dry your eyes, pray like crazy, and do your job.

But I do Ministry for Term 4

Term 4! The relationships that after a year are deep enough so that people actually come to you to talk about things of God. The kids who go from seeming to get nothing from your teaching- to all of a suddenly showing they were listening all along. Parents who start to think that maybe taking kids to church is a priority. Women who shyly tell you they have started meeting with someone to read the Bible and they'd like some advice. People who become Christians. People who get Baptised. People who grow. People who change. Term 4 is where the rubber hits the road, when you SEE and don't just know- that no work you do for the Lord is ever in vain.

I write this because ministry is hard. It is sometimes a Term 1, 2, and 3 and at those times I forget the big picture. But Term 4 doesn't happen without the hard slog through the others.

And I do ministry for Term 4
B

Objections to a song

2011-11-10T13:06:00.001+11:00

Last week at playgroup, in the middle of one of my songs, three year old Max stamped his way to the front of the kids.

One hand went on his hip, the other was pointed at me and gesuring as he talked. He has the most adorable Aussie/Polish accent.

"Belinda. We shouldn't sing this song. It is a bad song. Spiders are bad. They bite you and they put venom in you and they hurt you and kill you."

The Mum's in the group began to laugh, while I did my best to keep a straight face, to keep singing, and to use gaps in the song to rescue poor Insy-Winsies now tanished reputation!
love B

Teaching the Christmas story at playgroup

2011-11-08T17:25:00.000+11:00

(This is actually a post I planned and took photos for last year and never got around to posting, but better late than never!)

The nature of our playgroup is that it is a group run for people in the community, and our prayer and hope is that it might lead parents and kids to develop an interest in God and Jesus. This means that times like Christmas and Easter are important- because they are very natural times for talking about such things.

The first year I ran playgroup I decided to do two weeks on the Christmas story with the kids. The first week I found a good story book and read it through. On the second week, when I got to a picture of the "nativity scene" I asked if any of the kids remembered who the characters in the story were. One boy yelled out "Santa" and another girl cried "The Wiggles". I realised then that perhaps with pre-schoolers I needed a few more weeks to get the story to stick :)

The follow year, and this year, I worked out a cool way to cover the Christmas story, assisted with some suggestion from the website kidzlink which has some great ideas which I stole and adapted for my situation and style.

The first thing I did was get a plastic plant we had at church and turned it into a Christmas tree!

Then I brought in my nativity scene which my sister bought me when she went to Israel. I like it because its really rustic, it's not very comercial, and in some ways it represents quite well I think the simplicity of the first Christmas.

Each week I choose part of the Christmas story to cover. Usually in the first week I do the Angel telling Mary and Joseph they are going to have Jesus, the second week they go to Bethlehem and have Jesus, the third week the shepherds and the fourth week the wise men.

I wrap up the pieces of the nativity scene which come up in that week. I don't have an angel in my set so I had to use this ornament :)

Once the pieces are wrapped, I place them underneither the Christmas tree

Each week I pick a few kids (making sure its not the same ones every week!) to unwrap the "presents" and then I use the figures to tell the story.

I love it, because it involves the kids, they don't just hear but they see and touch as well, and we have multiple weeks to go over the story. It also starts with things they associate with Christmas (presents and trees) and uses them to bring it back to the real reason behind the celebrations.

To keep emphasising it, I also show them the pictures from the Beginner's Bible, which I think does a great job of covering the Christmas story.

It is amazing how much more the kids take it. They love looking at and holding the Baby Jesus. And each week I get to say- "Christmas is actually all about Jesus"

And so far this year, we haven't had a single mention of the Wiggles. Thought the term is not over yet!

love B

Time

2011-11-05T10:50:00.000+11:00

There is a silly joke in our household. Tim and I have some similar taste in movies and TV shows (Sci-fi and adventure sitting pretty high on the list), but one thing that brings us together like nothing else is the Back to the Future Movies. We both loved them as kids, we still love them as adults. One of the jokes that occasionally comes up is the excitement of counting down until we reach 2015. Because, despite no advancements to suggest this is the case yet, of course by 2015 there will be flying cars and most particularly hover-boards. That reminds me, I need to start working on my skateboard skills in preparations ;)

Time is such a weird thing.

We have just a little under a month and a half until we move to Melbourne for good. It hit me this week that I could no longer feel super organised by saying "Yes, I think I'll probably start packing this week". Three weeks ago, that was super organised. This week, given that I haven't actually even put together a box, I realised that a month is not a long time to pack up a house, while working pretty much full time and socialising the rest of the time.

It has hit our year of College that things are almost over. And so the next three weeks or so are filled with lots of "Final events". Final College dinner in the playground. Final Bible study social. Final book club, final chapel, extra four year specific thanksgiving service. Official College good-bye dinner and any number of goodbye dinners that we organise just because we are going to miss everyone. A friend and I were saying, it's great that we are being so social, but we wish we'd realise how much we'd miss our year sooner so we could have fit all these events into the whole year and not just the last month!

And so, even though it will be a special and meaningful month, I feel a little dizzy when I think about it. Because I already feel exhausted coming home from work to quickly cook dinner before heading out again. Adding packing to the mix seems like a bit much.

We have been in Sydney for Four years. Sometimes it seems like the time has flown and sometimes it seems that four years cannot be enough time to fit in all that we have experienced, the good and the bad. Nothing has been as I have expected- the things I thought would be hard have not been, the things that I thought would be easy have not been. But God has got us to this point anyway, and I am grateful.

On Tuesday, Tim will sit his last exam for a very long time. And then, we will get ready to pack up and leave this Sydney life forever.

Time is such a weird thing.
Love B

Two highlights from the week

2011-11-01T18:27:00.000+11:00

I am a shocker of a blogger. To be honest- blogging on this blog has been pretty low on my list of priorities. And I don't really apologise for that. But I feel I would have to apologise if I let two very important events pass by without a shout out to the blogisphere!

Number 1: Tim has finished his project and college! Well, kind of the second one. He still has one exam to go, but he's quitely confident, and he's finished classes (true story, the last lecture of his degree he actually was the lecturer, how funny is that! He and a mate from the class ran a fun lecture of preaching). He has also finished his project, which is basically his honours thesis. And I am proud not only because it's done but because it's fabulous. He did his project on "Hope". How non-academic and practical is that! Of course it was an academic paper, but I read it and felt encouraged as a Christian so go Tim!

I thought I would find the photo of facebook of Tim where he looks the smartest. What do you think?

Highlight number two was three of the girls from Tim and my Bible study who got baptised on the weekend. It was such a special day, so special to see them make this important step in acknowledging their faith. I got to hang out with them as they got ready, I got to pray for them at church, and most priveledged of all, I've got to see them grow into the fine Christian women that they are. Super proud moment :)

Despite my lack of blogging, I am planning on continuing to blog, and am kinda excited about starting with a fresh new name when I am no longer Sydney-side. I do like blogging. I just like it in moderation.

love B

Website

2011-10-12T14:03:00.001+11:00

Our Church plant has it's own website! It is in it's early stages, but it's still pretty exciting.

www.gracechristiancommunity.org.au

Have a look!
love B

Working at something you are not good at

2011-10-04T15:12:00.000+11:00

This last few weeks have been mad in our household. Things haven't been too crazy for me, but they have been mad for Tim.

He's been very busy with study, and he's been doing I suspect about 1.5 days worth of work on the church plant on top of that.

Of course, I would love him to not be as busy, and for us to spend our usual amount of time together, but the truth is, I am also incredibly proud of him.

Tim is not an administrator. He is not a money man. And he is not an IT person. But in the last month he has worked his butt off to work out how to do all these things, so that the church plant can get off the ground.

He hasn't enjoyed it. He has been dreaming longingly of the time when he can leave that behind and put his time into ministry planning.

It's funny because Tim's one of those people who lots of things come easy to him. He is confident up the front, he is someone who loves preaching and teaching, and people naturally warm to him without him having to put in too much effort to win their affections. Ministry is never easy, but it's always come more naturally to him than to many of the rest of us.

Making websites, setting up bank-accounts, and understanding tax laws, does not come easy to him.

But it's been wonderful to see him working hard for God, because something is important, not because it's easy.

It's a challenge for me, because I am someone who hates being bad at anything. So much of the time I run to things I'm good at, congratulating myself on my abilities (which are God's gift anyway) and avoiding things that might make me look or feel bad because I am not as competent as others.

Tim's efforts these last few weeks have been a good reminder to do what is best for the kingdom, and not just what is easy.
love B

Things I'm loving right now

2011-09-24T08:47:00.000+10:00

SPRING!
Spring is sprung the grass is ris, I wonder where the birdies is.
They say the bird is on the wing.
That's absurd, the wing is on the bird!

That is little saying my Dad has said for every Spring since I can remember. It's a bit strange, but I keep up the tradition, though usually only in my head.

I love spring! I love cherry blossoms and birds songs and early morning sunshine and weather in it's mid 20s and blue skies. And linked in with spring.

MY SANDAL THONGS

These are the same shape if not the same pattern as mine (mine are even nicer). I suspect it wasn't actually Gisele Bundchen who invented her range of sandal/thongs but whoever did, I want to make them a mango smoothie. They are comfy enough to walk decent distances in, and they are casual but they look lovely. And in the end of summer sales at Myer they cost only $20. Loving having them on again.

KNITTING!
I am loving knitting so much. Seriously, what a great way to somehow legitimise all the time I spend in front of the TV. I have knitted before but struggled with how long it takes, but now I've worked out the secret to knitting fast.

Using really big needles.

I've just made a woolen shrug which I absolutely love although I did leave my run to late and haven't been about to wear it in this gorgeous weather. I've also been knitting for a family member's baby and it turns out when the person you are knitting for is 10 times smaller than you, it takes a tenth of the time to make. And it turns out alot cuter too!

PRAYING with Friends
I just joined my 2nd Prayer triplet yesterday. They have different focuses and different people in them, and I love both of them. So great to be able to pray with others, particularly as it's been something I've been struggling a bit with on my own.

MY TEENAGE BIBLE STUDY
On Sunday one of the teens pouted and said "Why do you leave us, just when we learnt to love you?" I always loved them, but I've been really appreciating them all, as they have been appreciating Tim and I, because I know we have only a term left together. Some of the girls are getting Baptised in October, and I've been loving our weekly coffees/baptism classes :) So great to see those little year seven's we started with beginning to take their faith really seriously. So encouraging. Not to mention they are tonnes of fun!

I don't write this post about things I love because I'm going wonderfully or because there are only good things going on. That is not the case. It's been a hard month, and hard year.

But there are things that bring me joy, and I want to dwell on and celebrate them.
God is giving me good things every day.
Love B

Enevitable Change Funk

2011-09-12T14:12:00.000+10:00

I've been in a funk of late.

Easily loosing it emotionally. Snappy and less sensitive with Tim. Less motivated with house chores/everything.

It was only today it hit me.

The change factor.

When I was about 3 months out of getting married, I fell apart. Tim was actually really worried, who was this crazy emotional women who had taken over from the lovely lady he proposed to! I still remember on a Sunday morning at that time, getting ready to clean the unit I was sharing with a friend. Mum came over. I burst into tears, she ripped the vacuum out of my hands, sat me on the couch, and did the vacuuming for me. What a Mum!

But the most valuable thing was that she commented that of course I was loosing it. I was about to go through a change. I always struggle in the lead up to a change. "Been like this since you were 4 years old" said Mum.

For her it was an "Of course" moment, but for me it was a huge break-through.

Change totally freaks me out emotionally and I need to be aware of that and be prepared for it.

Tim has taken this news on board, and done a fabulous job of talking me through and encouraging me through change. And today he gave me another breakthrough moment when he commented that of course I was emotional, I was getting ready for change.

As far as change goes- moving cities, church planting, and leaving one job to an unknown future is pretty high up there on the change-odometer.

One comment Tim often makes to comfort me through change is that I am actually a great hand at dealing with it. I've been through tonnes of changes in the last 7 years, and most of the changes have actually been good/positive ones, which I've dealt with well. Almost as if I put all the angst into the lead up and then cope fine at the change itself.

I've actually started to think maybe I am not such a change hater after all.

But this month, that same little 4 year old peaks out her ugly head and throws her usual change tantrum.

Please pray that I will cope okay over the next few months, and that the changes will be good.
Love B

Novel Spelling

2011-09-02T22:13:00.000+10:00

Oh Dear...

After several weeks off I started back onto my novel. While working away, suddenly Microsoft Word gave me a pop-up box I had never seen before. It informed me that there were so many grammatical and spelling errors in my document that it could no longer show them all, but if I wanted to check my spelling or grammar I would from now on have to run my own manual check.

!!!!!!!

Has this ever happened to anyone else in the history of Microsoft word before!

I like to think it's because I've been so wonderful in actually writing 65,394 words, and that of course when a document gets big these things happen.

I like to think it's because I'm writing Fantasy so Microsoft doesn't recognise all the cool people and place names that I've brilliantly invented..

I'm hoping it's because I can't spell, and I've never been able to spell. I think spelling is a completely over-rated talent in this new world of wonderful spell correcting technology- and bad spelling doesn't make someone a bad writer.

But bad grammar does. I'm hoping it's not because I'm a really bad writer.

But it did make me laugh.
Love B

An answered prayer

2011-08-21T07:30:00.000+10:00

I am having a wonderful Bible reading month.

I have been getting such joy and help from everything I am been reading.

Of course, it's not normally like that. My parent's instilled in me the wonderful habit of reading the Bible before bed, and so it's something that I don't struggle to do. But I struggle sometimes to concentrate. I struggle sometimes to learn. I struggle sometimes to remember what I read the day before. I do it, because i know it is good for me, and because I know God's word is powerful and I need it in my life. But I don't always do it because I enjoy it.

I encourage our teenagers at church to read the Bible every day but they struggle with it. It just doesn't hold the same addictive power as Vampires, or Angels or other super-nature teenagers and their complicated life-styles! And I understand that. I actually made a new rule this year- read my Bible before I read fiction. Because I would read fiction until I was sleepy and then...oh wait, Bible.

But I think i need to keep reminding them and myself that it is a process. That you do go through periods where it just seems boring and hard to understand, and that is just because of who we are, sinners who don't realise what we have. That doesn't mean you give up or stop- good things sometimes take hard work. You persevere, and you ask God to change you and help you, and to mercifully help you to enjoy what is such a special and magical thing.

And you expect that sometimes it will be hard.

But you can also expect that sometimes it will be a joy. And at those times you need to just ride the wave and read like crazy :)
Love B

An important purchasing decision

2011-08-06T11:45:00.001+10:00

I have a few minutes spare and so I walk into the newagent. I have a really important purchase coming up, and I want to make sure I have put thought into it before I buy.

I love newsagents. I am not someone who likes spending money, but if I was, I would spend it on stationary. I still remember the joy of my first "proper job"- and being shown the stationary cupboard and being told "take whatever you need". Pens, texta's, pretty paper, highlighters. It's a magical world.

But I'm not here for pens.

I walk through rows of notebooks. A5 of course. A5 is perfect because it's portable. And this purchase must be portable.

But they are plain, boring, and very ordinary. And very ordinary is fine for my work notebook. But not for this.

A lady directs me to the "pretty section", and I begin to smile. So many lovely ones. I eye the leather ones jealously. They look so "authorey" but they are expensive, and usually don't have lines I like.

There is a beautiful blue shiny one with glitter and ocean-shades. I open it up, only to realise it's not ring bound. It must be ring bound. I need to be able to flip over the page, so that wherever I am, I can prop up a knee, and write

I open another one. It is a bit plain, but still pretty. But the lines are too widely spaced.

I sigh as I look. When I'm shopping for clothes, usually after a few minutes of flicking up a few tags to look at prices, and running my hands along a row of hangers- I realise, today is not a day where I have patients for shopping. Today is similar. I'm just not ready. This is an important purchase- and I must get it right.

The frustrating thing is that somewhere lost at home i have a lovely, red-leather bound notebook with perfectly spaced lines. It has no ring binding, but it was a present from a dear friend- and this covers up a multitude of sins. It seems appropriate too- because my current writing notebook was a gift as well. A simple pink notebook with a black panel filled with poka-dots.

But my beloved poka-dot journal is on it's last legs. And appropriately enough- there is just enough space to take the notes I need to finish my novel.

I think that is partly why this is an important purchase. This is the next stage. This notebook will be for my next writing project, my next novel. That idea fills me with excitement. What fun I will have! What ideas will be worked on and processed and work-shoped or will just come?

And such ideas need a pretty place to play.

A week of tears

2011-07-28T12:57:00.000+10:00

This week is the week of the due date for our baby that never got to be due.

It is such a hard, messy, sad, horrible week. It is a week of remembering. It is a week of tears. It is a week of love that is still there even after our baby is gone from this earth. Love that will probably always be there.

It is a week of asking Why? Why? Why? Of imagining a life that is so different to what is actually here.

And it's a week of realising just how empty a pair of arms can feel.
love B

Two terms of Playtime to Go!

2011-07-16T14:17:00.000+10:00

We've hit the "5 months to go" mark in the previous week.

Quite extrodinary. Really, moving to Melbourne seems to get closer and closer every day ;)

But of course there is a lot of sadness, particularly when I think of saying goodbye to the kids and families I've been working with over the last three years.

I was thinking of some of the most memorable Playgroup kid moments (warning- some of these are repeats from other posts):

-Little Lisa, such a gorgeous little treasure! If she sees me sitting down will come up behind me and pretend to "cut" my hair. "It's too longer, it's too longer" she says, as she pretends to cut it with some fake sissors from the playgroup doctors kit. "Stay still" she says, if I move my head to much, in a very hairdressery voice.

-Little Hayley, after struggling to say my name for nearly a year, finally calls me "Aunty Bananna"

-Ren, who insisted for a while on "Playing Belinda" before meals, which meant saying the following "Dear God, thank you for friends and food. If you haven't paid for this term, please see me afterwards. Amen"

-Little Max, with his gorgeous big blue eyes. On the week of his birthday (when we did a cake for him) he said "I love you Belinda, you are the best Belinda ever". Another time he said to me "I like you Belinda" before saying quietly to himself "Beautiful Belinda".

-Oli and Matty- who like to play "Aunty Bawinda" at home, which basically means getting out their teddie bears and ordering them to sing and dance.

-Shy little Harper, who will quite often announce (after she has warmed up a bit) "Look I can hop". And so she does and soon she has the 7 or 8 other kids hoping around in front of me. So gorgeous.

-Nathaniel- whose Mum will suggest he gives me a hug. He will walk towards me, and as I drop down and open my arms, he will bolt in the other direction- laughing hesterically at his own little joke.

-Little Hanna, who spends all week singing playgroup songs at home. When she is tired and struggling to get out of bed her Mum says "maybe you are too tired for playgroup". She shakes her head and says "No, we have to go. Belinda is WAITING for me".

-And little Xavier, who at 6 months old always gives me the biggest grins whenever I smile at him.

So special to be involved in these moments :)
Belinda

Kids Club

2011-07-14T18:56:00.000+10:00

There is something really special about working with a team to share the gospel. Kids Club this year has once again been a huge effort and lots of work. But I've been so encouraged.

I've been encouraged by our teens who are putting up their hands and doing a remarkable job of not just being helpers, but leaders. Having lead most of them for three years, and having got them "tagging" along when they were in year seven, it is great to see them in year 9 really taking initiative.

I've been encouraged by people who would never call themselves 'kid' people, who non-the-less volunteer and come along and make a real contribution. Even taking off work so they can help!

I've been encouraged by the servant hearted nature of everyone- who are so ready to stop and help a kid that's sad, or to drop everything and set up a game, or tidy a room.

And I've been encouraged by everyone's thoughtfulness. Today because I had said the day before I had a sore throat, one of the leaders made lemon and honey drinks for everyone in the morning. A lady in the kitchen bought ingredients and made wraps for every member of our team for lunch today, with no prompting- just out of the kindness of her spontaneous heart.

It can be scary leaving a ministry job, wondering how things will go without me. I need to keep remembering that God is in control and he is the one who provides and grows people.

But I'm also reminded that am leaving a committed group of Godly, fun, special people. The kids club is in some wonderful hands.
love B

Who am I?

2011-06-28T17:02:00.000+10:00

I've been going through a week of big questions about my life and the future and what I am doing.

Part of it was being on holidays and having time to think. Part of it is still dealing with the pain of our loss. Part of it is knowing that next year is going to be a time of huge changes, as I leave a job and a city and a life. Part of it is being asked regularly (and not surprisingly) "What are you going to do next year?". Most of the questioning has been serious and tough. I feel like I don't know what my life is about and it's really hard to be in my thirties and still not be sure about what is the best thing to be doing with my time. And I can't help thinking about how different next year could have been... :'(

But there has been a little silly part of me that has been doing some dreaming out of the box, and that has been the fun part of the uncertainty of next year.

Things I would love to do if I actually had the power to get any job I want:

-Author
Of course I will be writing regardless. But the dream is that someone will see my novel, realise it's potential, and give me lots of money to finish it.
-Playschool presenter!
It's been a dream of mine since I used to watch it, but after nearly three years of Playgroup running I genuinely think I would be really good. I can't speak for other demographics, but I rock the under 5. Now if we can only convince the ABC...
-Video game story-line writer
I really enjoy watching my husband play story based video games, which often have a sci-fi/Fantasy twist. I would love to come up with concepts that can be turned into a video game. They are like fatasy movies, although with different plots and posibilities depending on what the player does. It's like choose your own adventure writing on steriods!
Governor General
I've seen the house. It's got the best view in Sydney. Of course we are moving back to Melbourne so it wouldn't really work...maybe a retirement options?
The next Oprah
Do i need an explanation?

The possibilities are endless...
Love B

The perfect ministry couple, from Anne of Green Gables

2011-06-19T07:52:00.000+10:00

At the moment, I pretty much read a fiction book every day. Even if it's only a couple of pages, I just find that this is the pattern I use to go to bed. But I also read at other times too. Often my fiction books will overlap with my non-fiction, usually Christian or writing books, so sometimes I'm thinking of one as I read the other.

Me and a few friend have been reading a book called "More than a Pastor's Wife". It's all about being a pastor's wife, the expectations people sometimes hold of them, and the helpful things you can be doing to serve God in this very unusual role. I was reading it on Friday

I am also reading Anne of Green Gables. Which I have read many times before. But I think, given our plans for next year, and the other book I was reading concurrently- I noticed this line for the first time.

"Mrs Lynde says that sound doctrine in the man and good housekeeping in the women make an ideal combination for a minister's family"

Oh dear! It's alright on Tim's side but...
:)
love B

A dream close to realisation

2011-06-15T16:12:00.000+10:00

I think I've mentioned before on this blog that often that when I'm not blogging much it's because I'm too busy writing other things.

That is very true at the moment. My blog is getting more and more bare but that doesn't mean i'm not doing much writing. Writing has become my life!

Last week I printed off my novel as it stands at present. It is still not finished, but there is something about having it in your hand as opposed to seeing "number of pages" listed on the bottom of a word document. I was singing to myself based on the old hymn "This is my story, this is my song, Praising my savior, all the day long", though instead i was singing "This is my story, this is my novel". Hope that's not too heretical :)

It really feels like a novel. And even as I read through it, rather than seeing major holes in the story, I just see little sections that need filling. You could actually read it, and even if you wouldn't necessarily enjoy it yet, you would be able to understand the plot and the story. Jotted all the way through my hard copy are words like "Describe character more", or "Need to put in an explanation of X" or quite commonly "That sounds so silly Belinda you really need to learn how to write better!". Whereas the last time I printed it out it was much more likely to say "Work out how the story could have gotten from this to that?"

Writing a novel is like solving a puzzle. At any stage I have a certain number of pieces already in, bits of the story that are already figured out. But I need new pieces to put it together and make it all work and fit. But rather than looking for pieces that exist, I just fill them up with my own home-made pieces. I love the illumination of finally figuring out a piece. So much of writing for me is coming up with an idea, and then working out how it is possibly viable within my story. And sometimes my favourite plot twists, characters, and concepts were created just because my story didn't make sense without them.

And now I have a confession. You might wonder why I don't write anything about my novel, except that it is a novel and it's a fantasy story. The truth is, I'm worried someone will steal my ideas. Yes, I know how silly that sounds. That someone would come to my incredibly popular blog, followed by a whopping 10 people, and steal my novel ideas. But I can't help it. It's my story and I love it, and even if it isn't any good, it's mine. And I don't want anyone knowing about it or reading it until it is beautiful and ready!
Which might be soon than I imagined :)
love B

Interesting Sell

2011-06-08T14:13:00.001+10:00

Was talking to someone who trying to convince a friend to come to church. One of her selling points: We sing Karaoke! I was a bit confused, but she went on to say. Everyone sings, and instead of Kylie Minogue Love songs we sing love songs about God.

Interesting selling point. But should we include a bouncy ball scrolling over the words on the powerpoint to increase the appeal?
:)
B

Being yourself in Ministry

2011-05-26T13:35:00.000+10:00

Today I had a conversation with a lady who is investigating Jesus that started like this:

"Belinda, you are never envious or jealous. How can I be like you?"

Ouch

It would have been bad enough if it was just a regular week, but this comment came smack bang in the middle of a week where Jealousy, Envy, and Anger were probably my three strongest emotions.

And once again I am forced to take a look at the way I do ministry.

Am I being fake?

I'm not deliberately being fake. I do try to talk about my struggles and sin. But I think in my efforts to be a good example, and particularly in my efforts to teach godly living, I give the impression that I have it figured all out. And that, even accidentally, IS being fake. I need to be more real and honest.

It was a great conversation, because it ultimately came back to the gospel, that Christians are not perfect, we are just sinners who acknowledge how bad we are and get God to help us as we struggle to change. I said I could see myself growing, but that I often felt like the longer I lived, the more bad I find out I am. This was something my friend could identify with!

Interesting she also said "Your husband must be more perfect than you because he is going to be a Pastor". It makes me realise that this is going to be a problem that grows for both Tim and I, that because of our very roles people were going to assume the best of our character. And this is bad, both because it undermines the gospel (suggesting that being a Christian is about being good), and also because it means that people will see themselves on another level from us and therefore will be hesitant to either share struggles, or even follow our example (because they assume they will fail). Our challenge is to be real, to keep sharing the gospel, and to keep pushing people to persevere with godliness, even though it is a life long task.

I don't have any answers though. How do I be real about sin without revealing too-private struggles? What struggles should I publicise.
Tricky questions!
love B

Moving home

2011-04-24T15:03:00.000+10:00

There are so many things that make me excited about moving home to Melbourne.

I'm excited about the \church plant!

I'm excited about being able to actually follow AFL again because the games are on at a decent hour (or not to far away to attend in person!).

I'm excited about being around my wonderful families.

I'm excited that I am moving into a Unit that I already know and love, that I already know where I am going to shop and where I will go on my walks.

I'm excited about being ten minutes away from Fi!

And I'm also excited about being around for family things. Each Easter my parents travel up with their friends and stay at the King Valley. They usually bike ride to the Milawa Cheese Factory and meet my Aunt, Uncle and my Cousins. (If you ever get a chance, go there. It is such awesome cheese!)

My cousin Kate, who was the flower-girl at my wedding and is now 10 years old, sent me a message on my Mum's phone when they were hanging out. At first I felt my normal sadness that once again living in Sydney I was away from all the fun, and particularly missing out on spending time with my beautiful cousins. But then I realised that next year I could go!

There will be lots of really sad things about leaving. People and ministries and places that I have become attached to.

But so many good things too look forward to!
love B

When I survey

2011-04-22T12:44:00.000+10:00

My parents are Christians, and did a very kind service to me of sharing Jesus with me from a very young age. I don't remember a time when I didn't love God.

So it's always hard for me when it comes to "testimonies" to find a moment when I "became a Christian". But that is something I treasure rather than worry about. It's actually a special thing, to know Jesus as Lord and Savour and have no memories of him being anything but :)

My first memory of understanding Jesus death on the cross, relates to the song "When I survey". It was my Dad's favourite hymn and he would often sing it to me as a lullaby. I have no idea of the age of this memory (it mustn't have been too big, if I was still being sung to sleep!) but I remember reflecting on one of the verses.

See from his head
His hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingle down
Did e'er such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so richer crown

I remember listening and thinking that when Jesus died, he had a horrible painful crown of thorns. But that crown was the most special crown in the world, because Jesus was dying for me. Jesus died because he loved me.

And so, today, many, many years on, I cry when I sing that verse.

Good Friday indeed.
love Belinda

2012 and beyond

2011-04-05T16:54:00.000+10:00

When I first started this blog- I had very recently moved to the city of Sydney. The whole idea of the blog was to keep friends updated on my life in the new city, and because I was studying, it was an opportunity to reflect on what I was learning.

Three years on, things are very different. I am no longer studying, but working in a job that is hard work but a blessing. And while this blog is still primarily about informing friends, it is also just a way of me processing the things that happen in my life and hopefully encouraging people along the way.

But the big news is that at the end of this year, Tim will have finished his Bible College studies and we will be moving back to Melbourne.

This means alot of changes, such as minor ones like coming up with a new blog name ;)

But one of the biggest things changes is that Tim and I will be embarking on a new ministry adventure.

God-willing- next year Tim and I will be planting a church in Melbourne, in the Suburb of Box Hill.

Even writing the words I suddenly get filled with all kinds of different emotions: the two biggest being excitement and fear! And I think excitement and fear will be two emotions I will get rather used to as this year continues :)

I know that church planting will not be an easy venture. But I love Jesus, and I love sharing him with those who are yet to know him, and even with the challenges, I look forward to the opportunities for evangelism that Church planting will create.

Tim and I (well, really it was me, I'm the blogger in the family) have started a new blog about the church plant. I'd love you to check it out, and start praying for us :)

http://www.gracechristiancommunity.blogspot.com/

It is hard to believe that it has been three years since I started this blog! I'm really thankful to God for those of you who read it, and particularly those who have continued to love and care for us even when we have been far away.

And I am thankful to God for the last three years. They haven't been easy, but they have been important and filled with much joy and blessing.
Love B

Those days

2011-03-31T15:45:00.000+11:00

Today was one of those days.

No, I don't mean those days. Today was one of those rare, amazing, I love my job days.

It wasn't that anything different happened than on any other day, or particularly any other Thursday. It was just that it was a day when I was reminded just how special my "ordinary" days are. How priveledged I am to do what I do.

In Bible study we looked at the women who poured perfume on Jesus. We talked about how special Jesus was. We looked at the Lord Supper and realised why Jesus was so special. And then we prayed for each other other and talked and laughed and ate. 'This is so important' said one lady, patting her hand on her Bible, 'I learn so much more when I learn with other people'.

I caught up with my friend who is so interested in learning about Jesus. We sat in a cafe, in plain sight of the world, with the Bible open, talking about the world and Jesus, and how special forgiveness is. We read about how no matter your background, gender, or social standing, if you trust in Jesus, you are equal and part of God's family.

I've just confirmed that I am running an event for women at church, to training them in talking about Jesus with friends. I was just going to do it with my young women's Bible study, but they insisted we make it wider because "Everyone needs to learn this".

And now I am getting ready for another Sunday of teaching.

I love those days.
B

Symbolic act

2011-03-26T12:31:00.000+11:00

Today, I plan to put on my contact lenses. I haven't warn them since my brother-in-laws wedding in January.

It might seem like a simple thing. I have put contact lenses in many times. It is nothing exciting or special in and of itself.

But it is a big step for me.

You see, when I cry I have to take them out. Not just normal crying- I do that everyday, sometimes sad, often happy. Tears are just part of the hyper-emotional person I am! But when I cry and I cry I can't stop, and my nose runs and my eyes go red, my eye-lids can get infected if I keep the contacts in too long. For too many days of that kind of crying.

Over the summer I couldn't wear my contacts (except for the wedding) because I was crying too much. I was just so sad.

It's not that I'm still not sad about our little baby. I am. I can't stop thinking about him. But I'm no longer falling apart all the time. I'm even sometimes a little bit happy when I think about him and our short time together.

It seems like a big step to put them in. To make a conscious decision to pull myself together.

But I think I'm ready.
love B

Answered Prayers

2011-03-17T12:49:00.000+11:00

Sometimes I forget that my God answers prayers.

Sometimes I'm so ready to explain to people that he "sometimes says no or not yet" that I forget to emphasis that he says yes too.

My Bible study has been a great reminder of God's ability to answer prayers.

Last year, we had a Mum in the group who wasn't a Christian. She was having real problems with her kids. We prayed about it and their behavior improved. Our Bible study actually has the kids in the same room as the adults and so often it's a little distracting. One week see said to me in exasperation: "There is no point in coming if the kids are ratty". I asked her to please keep coming and she said she would only come on mornings when the kids were well behaved. I said "Okay, I'll pray for them". This was in May last year, and she didn't miss a study for the rest of the year, because the kids behaved so well. And Praise God, she became a Christian at the end of the year.

This year we got a new Non-Christian Mum in the group. Her prayer point on the first day was for her son. He cried almost every day when she left him at Pre-school. She wanted us to pray that he would stop crying. When I saw her at Playgroup then next week she said he hadn't cry since we prayed but that "It wasn't God, it was a coincidence". Two and a half months in, he hasn't cried once. She said a few weeks ago "I thank God and I thank you for praying. I know that it's God who helped him not to cry".

They might seem like small things in this horrible time of earthquakes and impending Nuclear situations. But for these two Mums, it was serious struggles that God had helped them with.

And for me it was a reminder that God can and does answer prayers with yes. And I am reminded to keep praying.
love B

Sad and Romantic

2011-02-26T09:45:00.003+11:00

On Valentines day this year, Tim's Nanny went to be with Jesus. Eleven days later, at 2am on the morning of Nanny's funeral, her husband, Tim's Papa went to join them.

I think one day I will be able to look back and realise what a precious reality this is. And as the two coffins, side-by-side, travelled off away from the funeral, was a really beautiful thing. It is romantic and beautiful that we were able to say goodbye together. It is amazing that after nearly 60 years together they were only separated for such a short time. One day we will look back and be thankful.

But at the moment we are all just too sad for that.

Papa had cancer, and he was fighting on for Nanny's sake, but once he knew she was okay, he moved on to palliative care. Nanny died at home in the arms of her daughter. Papa died in a hospital room with Tim's Dad, his son, beside him.

Death is so sad, and Tim and I feel we have had enough of it for one summer!

But it is a good reminder of the shortness of life and what really matters.

I don't know how I'd like to go. Part of me thinks it would be lovely to leave with Tim, and I struggle to think of living without him. But then I look at Tim's Pa, the only Grandparent left, and I see something noble and special about him too. Living on after his wives death in November, rejoicing in the chance he still has to look after his daughters, even as they try to look after him.

Bye Nanny and Papa. We love you, and we are so glad you are with Jesus now.
love B

A helpful Quote

2011-02-17T15:08:00.003+11:00

One thing I did not expect in my experience of the miscarriage was how much it would affect my self-esteem and particularly my work. I am just so much more fragile and particularly so much more filled with worry about my own capabilities.

I found this quote from "The Reason for God" (a book I really should get around to reading!) and it really helped me put 'myself' into perspective.

"The Christian Gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less."
Tim Keller.

Love B

Update on how I are going

2011-02-14T11:45:00.003+11:00

The short answer is probably better, but still not great.

Mostly myself, but with a big new dose of fragile. And sad.

Please keep us in your prayers.
love B

Another Writing Mile-stone

2011-02-09T13:15:00.003+11:00

At some stage in the next week (most likely tonight) I am going to pass the 50,000 word mark on my novel.

I'm so psyched!

50,000! If I had a dollar for every word I've written (and lets remember, many words have been deleted in the process as well) i would have a house deposite!

My question has been for a while "Does writing make me happy, or do I only write when I'm happy?" Turns out it is the first. Because I haven't had a happy time but writing has been a wonderful distraction and joy. Other distractions (like DVDs, Vid games, and even sometimes books) are great while they last but don't do much for my mood when I stop. But the satisfaction of writing and the thoughts about it afterwards keep me going for the rest of the day.

Tim has read the first half. We were on a plane to Melbourne when he started. A very traumatic hour and a bit! He had lots of feedback, at the very start he would have a piece of constructive criticism for every sentence. As it progressed (my novel gets better, the start needs lots of work) this easied somewhat, and to my surprised he really, really enjoyed it. So my next assignment is to work through his detailed comments and see what bits of it I should take on board. Tim is a great first reader because he is honest, he's good with words, he gives replacement ideas to things he doesn't like (why don't you instead get him to...), and most of all, he is really, really easily bored so he has high standards for entertainment :P

I don't really know what will happen when I finish, though Tim and I love to dream about the what ifs of what might happen if it's published. But the journey is fun, even if the destination is unknown.
love B

6 years

2011-01-29T09:41:00.004+11:00

A week ago today Tim and I were celebrating Tim's brother's wedding. Six years ago today, Tim and I were celebrating as well.

Being married to Tim has been the best thing about these last 6 years. He is a super husband and such a blessing to me. He is such an encouragement to my faith and a great supportor of my ministry and dreams.

Praise God for another year of loving each other and keeping our promises.

love B

God's goodness when life is not good.

2011-01-27T12:11:00.009+11:00

I've been reflecting on the concept of God's goodness.

I think when something horrible happens it's a natural progression of your mind, but it was sparked off particularly by a facebook comment. A million people (okay, slight exaggeration) have announced in the last month that they are having a baby, many of which are expecting in July when our little one would have been due. This is heart-breakingly hard for us. One of those people commented on facebook when discussing their pregnancy (which had taken a long time to happen) that "God is good".

I really struggled with that at first. The way I thought about it was that this person thought that the evidence of God's goodness was that they had been given a baby. But then the thing I struggled with was- what was the loss of our baby evidence of? Is God good to give one person a child, and not good to take one away from someone else.

One of my teens at church asked me once "Why is it that when something good happen we have to say thanks to God but when something bad happens it's not his fault?". Brilliant question!

Anyway, all these things had been floating around my head a few nights ago when I got to listen to a recording of a talk on Psalm 136- which was all about God's goodness, and how we can think about God's goodness in relation to the hard things in life. Talk about good timing! It really helped me to put together in my head what it means for God to be good, and how to understand hard things.

A few reflections:

-God is the king of all things good. Because he made this world good and every good and perfect gift comes from him- then it is right to respond to happy and good things by remembering- "oh that's right, God is good".

-The world is a mess because of sin. While God is not out-of-control of the bad things, he is not morally responsible for them. Therefore, the bad things that happen don't negate God's goodness.

-God's goodness is seen in what he has done. He has made this world good. He has looked after his people. And most importantly, he has sent his son to die for us. All these things are constant signs of his goodness that we need to hold onto when life is not good. We have powerful evidence of his goodness in the cross.

-God's love is steadfast (Psalm 136 repeats the refrain- his love endures forever). When I feel like God is not being loving or good at the moment it is helpful to hear that he doesn't change. The same love that he had for me when he sent his son to die for sin is the same loyal love he has for me right now in this pain.

The truth is, in my life (quite the opposite of what my teenage friend said), when good things happen I tend to not thank God, and when bad things happen I blame him. When in reality all good things in my life are a sign of his goodness, and the problems and hard things are as a result of human sin. And yet God in his amazing sovereign way is in control of it all and is able to take bad and use it for good.

So yes- when a friend who has been trying for a while gets pregnant- she is right to say "God is good".

When my husband very patiently loves me through this time of depression and doubt- that is God showing his love for me. That is God's goodness. When I have a particularly good ice-cream, or when Tim's brother has a lovely wedding, or when I survive a day that I didn't think I could. That is God showing his love for me. That is God's goodness.

And the fact that God can look at this rebellious child who is so mad at him and still love her and send his son to die for her?

That is God's goodness.

love B

What to say?

2011-01-26T13:36:00.003+11:00

I've been reflecting quite alot on every one's reaction to our sad news.

One of the most common comments is "I don't know what to say". I think part of that is that people don't know what to say that might help or might make us feel better. But the truth is- from my experience anyway- I really appreciate people saying something, even if its just that.

It's funny because I look back and I realise that most people I know who have miscarried, I have heard second hand, and didn't actually contact them and say something. Now I wish I had.

We love our baby. And we are really hurting. And it's great having people acknowledge that, acknowledge that he was important and therefore our pain is natural and right. I want to talk about it, and appreciate people giving me freedom to process with them.

Some people did the "Don't worry, you'll get pregnant again, then this won't matter". I know what people are trying to do (make us feel better about the future), but I don't want that to be true! I want my baby to still be important even if (God willing) we do have a baby who lives longer than 9 weeks. So rather than down-playing what has happened, I'd rather people let us be sad.

One of the most comforting things has been people sharing their own stories. I feel like there are all these extra kids that I never even knew existed, who are still precious to their parents and are now precious to me too. I look forward to going to heaven and meeting them all.

Thanks for all your prayers. I'm still really struggling to cope with everyday life and I need God's help so desperately. It seems like every time I start feeling better something happens or I hear some news which just floods me again with the "why, why, why". Please keep praying for me.
love B

Wedding

2011-01-26T13:32:00.004+11:00

So lovely to have something happy to celebrate. Such a special family day.

Congratulations to Joel and Angela Grant

love B

A sad month

2011-01-14T10:21:00.004+11:00

It's been about a month since I last posted.

Not a very good month.

Three days before Christmas, Tim and I found out via Ultra-sound that our nine week old babie's heart had stopped beating. And after three horrible weeks of waiting for it to happen, I finally miscarried last Tuesday.

So not the Merriest Christmas. I went to bed at 10pm on New Years. I didn't want to think about 2011. 2010 had been tough, and we had such high hopes for this one. Now I can hardly face it. We'd been trying to get through one day at a time- to not think about the future. This gets progressively more difficult when my job at the moment is to start preparing for term 1 at church.

We miss him so much (we refer to him as a him. He just can't be an it, we love him too much). I don't think I've ever felt so lonely since we lost him. We are confident he is with Jesus now- and ultimately we want to be able to look back and celebrate his little life, rejoice that we had him for a little while. But I think it will take a long time before we are properly up for that.

I have good days, I have bad days. Yesterday was a good day. Tim and I had decided that while we weren't going to broadcast our sadness to the sky, that we wanted some people to know about him. I had already let a few people at church know, and told a few more yesterday. I've been overwhelmed by love and support that people have shown, love both for us and our little one. One friend at church started crying when I told her. That afternoon she dropped off some flowers and chocolates for us. "I had to do something" she said almost apologetically.

But if the last week has taught me anything- it's that this road isn't a road of steady incline back to normality. This is grief, and I can't predict how I will feel or when I will feel it. And that's okay.

I wasn't sure whether to write about it on my blog, but I have learnt so much, and the process from anger at God to crying into his loving arms (which of course is not a steady incline either!) has been something that I'd like to write about.

:'(
love B

The work year over

2010-12-16T12:05:00.002+11:00

For the first time all year- I am staring at the possibility of having a to-do list actually completed.

Clean office
Send final email re summer supervision
Put together activity sheets for Christmas and Boxing Day services.

Then I'm off.

Reflections on this year at work.

Really tough.

And yet really wonderful.

I wouldn't say it has been the easiest working year of my life. I've just been overwhelmed with the tasks I've had to do. It's funny- for various reasons- our whole staff team has designated this year as the year of "Just getting by". All the grand plans of things we hoped to achieve were dumped around May- and just surviving the year with the day to day jobs has been enough of a triumph.

And yet, God has continued to work.

Term 4- the craziest term in the year- has also been the most amazing. My Playgroup friend Maggie has become a Christian. The kids at Youth group seem to really be growing. I have three women to follow up in the New year who really want to know more about Jesus. My Mum's Bible study group is filled with the most enthuastic women. And after a slow year on the Sunday School front- at the end of the year we have been innondated with new families and crazy numbers of kids!. For the first term ever- I didn't have any stresses in organising Sunday School leaders and one of the leaders commented that this term of teaching- rather than being the overload she had felt previously- had been a huge delight and had really grown her in the faith. And our Carols service was the best attended ever with heaps of visitors. I am so thankful to God for this term, and humbled that I had so little to do with it :)

As I close the chapter on the best term of the year- I get excited about the holidays and try not to think too much about term 1- the worst term of the year. It's always so difficult!

But for now I'm relishing the fact that the for the first time all year- my to do list is about to become empty.
love Belinda

When life gets busy...

2010-11-27T07:52:00.003+11:00

A few things happen when life gets busy.

Number One- fiction writing goes out the window. It's really sad, as I suspect my mental health would survive the busy-ness better if I could escape regularly from all the tasks spinning round in my head with a short trip to my fantasy world. Hoping that today will be the day to get back into it.

Number Two-Shopping goes out the window. By shopping I mean regular grocery shopping. Of course I still shop- otherwise Tim and i would be taking out every meal (that's just for the really, really busy times :). But it tends to me a quick duck to the shops after work to get something for that particular night. It is the breakfasts which suffer the most for this situation. Don't tell Tim, but I'm having Maggi noddles for breakfast this morning ;P

Number Three-The house. It is atrocious. Praise God busy time for me coincides with holidays for Tim- so it's not a total loss. If I can managed to put cloths in the washing machine and clear the dish rack, then generally speaking when I wake up/arrive home the washing is on the line and the dish rack is full again.

Number Four-Early nights and early mornings. Generally, when I'm busy when I wake up in the morning I can't get back to sleep, I'm thinking to much. It's a bizarre form of insomnia because for some reason those same thoughts didn't bother me when I originally went to sleep. So I get tired earlier so go to bed earlier, then wake up earlier again. Vicious cycle :)

Number Five-I can't wait, wait, wait for holidays!

love B
PS It's a totally stupid, particularly given that my family haven't even celebrated it for years and years themselves- but I always miss my Mum and Dad and Sister alot on Thanksgiving. We lived in the states for two years and I loved that holiday. For the first ten years or so back we used to have one ourselves. Poor Tim has had me groaning all week about Turkey and pumpkin pie. He tries to be sympathetic, but he just can't get passed the idea that pumpkin in a pie sounds disgusting. Oh sweet oblivion!

Updates

2010-11-21T16:25:00.002+11:00

November isn't a good day for blogs.

I don't know if December is going to be any better.

Life is hectic but kinda exciting too!

Exciting number one
Tim has finished exams! He is now a big bad fourth year- and only 12 months off finishing for good. Doesn't seem possible that these last three years have gone so fast.

Exciting number two
Christmas ministry! What do I mean? I mean playgroup parties and Scripture Christmas parties, and our Carols Outreach service. I am also giving an evangelistic talk at an outreach event for our playgroup Mum's. Please pray for me.

Exciting number three
One of the playgroup Mum's in my Bible study has become a Christian! She and I sat down today to talk about it because she wants to be baptised. She brought along another friend who has been thinking through Christianity and in the course of the conversation she realised she wanted to be a follower of Jesus too! I feel overwhelmed by God's incredible mercy in these women's lives, and the opportunity I have to see God work in so many amazing ways.

Exciting number four
Tim and I got to be God-Parents for our friends beautiful little girl Maggie. We were greatly honoured.

Exciting number four
I just had a lightening visit down to Melbourne for my cousin Kate's 10Th birthday. And. We. Saw. Mary. Poppins.
SO GOOD!

Please pray. Lots of excitement, but lots to do as well.
love Belinda

Sad and happy

2010-10-28T14:18:00.003+11:00

This morning we heard the news that Tim's Nanna passed away earlier today.

We are very sad for Pa, for ourselves, and particularly for Tim's Mum and her sister. We will all miss her terribly- Pa especially.

But in Bible study today we were talking about death- and I was reminded that I don't have to be sad for her.

We were reading the story of the Paralytic in Mark 2. We were reminded that while sickness and disease are bad- we all have a bigger problem- sin.

But we learnt that Jesus is the one who can deal with that sin.

Nanna trusted in Jesus. And so praise God- her biggest problem is solved. Her sin has been dealt with. She has gone from being God's enemy to God's beloved Daughter. And now she is with him forever- all the tears and pain and sadness is gone. Face to face.

Sad for us. Happy for her.
love B

Verbs

2010-10-15T18:19:00.004+11:00

I'm writing again.

Actually, I've been writing again for over a month but I think it probably takes a month of writing before I can really say that I really am writing again.

I gave myself a rule that for two weeks I wasn't allowed to read any fiction (gasp!!!!) and my reading would be for work or would be ON the topic of writing. Reading about writing is almost as much fun as writing itself (if its a good book on writing) but it actually sends me to my story as oposed to fiction reading which usually keeps me from it.

I'm back reading fiction again now, but even it has been inspiring me. I'm reading as a writer, and as I get caught up in the little world there is still a part of my brain facinated by what they say and how they say it and how it makes me feel.

One of the big things I've been observing is verbs.

One of the writing books I am reading is Mark Treswick???s "The little Red Writing book" (and yes- it was only last week, after owning the book for two years that I realised why he called it that and how the words sound. So slow :) It's fantastic because its a book on writing which is actually well written! Kind of logical but strangely refreshing. The last chapter was on verbs, and it was the verbs chapter that sent me sailing back into fiction reading again. Mark said that verbs are often the difference between good writing and bad writing and that you need to collect verbs.

And so I read, and I realised the truth. Good verbs really do make good writing. And so I am on a mission to collect verbs. To see what I always use and to add to them.

The verbs (or other words acting as verbs) in this post so far are: writing, think, say, gave, allowed, gasp, sends, keeps, "has been inspiring", get caught, facinated, feel, observing, reading, owning, realised, sound, was on, sailing back, said, need, read, realised, make, collect, use, add.

I love writing.
love B
PS 168 pages

The packet of Tim-tams that never runs out...

2010-10-14T12:48:00.006+11:00

"Wait- did that really happen?" said R in my scripture class today.

"Yes, it really did" I answered, "The Bible said so".

"Really?" R said, still looking sceptical

"that" was the widow that Elijah stayed with having her bowl of flour never run out, and her bottle of olive oil continuing to fill.

"Maybe Elijah snuck in at night and filled it" said K, one of the more disruptive boys in my class, who today was hanging off every word.

"That's not what the Bible says" I said smiling, "And besides, the whole point was that there was no food, for the widow or for Elijah. God provided".

It's funny what the kids can cope with. They can cope with Goliath being defeated by David. They can cope with Jesus stopping the storm. They could cope with Jesus rising from the dead. But a BC version of the packet of Tim-tams that never runs out- was just a bit too much.

"God made the world. He controls everything. He made the rules of how things work- he made Physics. So he can do anything he wants. Nothing is too hard for him" This was my attempt at answering.

I don't know if they got it. But when God sent fire down from Heaven- and burnt up Elijah's sacrifice- they loved it. And I think they even believed it.
love B

BFFs?

2010-10-05T11:33:00.004+11:00

I have a bit of a bee in my bonnet about the whole concept of BFFs.

If you are not familiar with the term, it starts for "Best friends forever". It is a term which i hear quite alot, due to my facebook friendship with numerous teens.

Don't get me started on people who use the term "BFFs forever", just like PIN number and ATM machine.

But my big issues are first the use of the world best, and second the use of the world forever.

Firstly- when I was in primary school I learnt you would rate things like this: good, better, best. And Best was the absolute cream of the crop. You couldn't have two bests (although you could have a collective group that was the best I suppose, but that's another story).

Hence the use of the Kath and Kim phrase "Second-best friend". I realise sometimes people don't like making distinctions and can't choose between friends who is "the best". Then I argue it makes sense to use a different term.

But BFFs? Well, most people have several BFFs, or they regularly change BFFs depending on their mood. I don't think that should be possible.

And the second F? When I was in my teens I may have had people I could call my "best friend" but I had no illusions that they would be my best friend forever? I mean, you can't tell the future! I was hoping at that time to get married, and I presumed that whoever I married would become my best friend. So any "Best friends" I had were highly likely to be temporary.

So, my new suggestion is "CFF?"

Close friends forever?

You are committing to prioritise that relationship long term. The question mark is that you don't know what will happen in the future, but you will work hard to stay close through lives changes. Because its more realistic, I actually think its more powerful. BFF is just a throw away term. "CFF?" is a commitment!

Do you think it will take off?
love B

Long Service Leave

2010-09-20T10:01:00.003+10:00

Tim has been causing a sensation.

In social situations he will announce to everyone "Belinda and I are going on holidays to Europe".

Everyone looks very shocked and surprised, no doubt wondering if being a four day a week children's/women's church worker and a Bible College student pays better than they had expected!

"When?" Is always the next question.

"In Twelve Years" is Tim's cheeky reply, "Long Service Leave".

Tim has wanted to go to Europe for as long as I've known him (don't get him started on the fact that his parents took his little brother without him!). And the wish has been growing more and more.

Lots of our friends have gone. In fact, along with buying a house, it seems to be "the thing" that every couple does. And for me it is just one more thing that we are missing out on doing together. And I don't like my attitude! As Tim keeps reminding me- I wouldn't trade a European holiday or a house for the awesome relationships and ministry that God has so graciously thrown my way!

But it is still so hard.

Hence the plan.

Tim will (God willing)- start working in 16 months. Starting in January we will put aside $100 each month into savings. That way, by the time we hit long service leave, we will have at least $12,000 saved up for our holiday.

And just having made that plan, we feel better. Yes, we have made sacrifices, and we would make them again.

But its so lovely to have a goal, something special and exciting to look forward to, to celebrate potentially ten years of ministry work. (James 4:13-15 of course in mind and acknowledged).

And strange though it seems, Tim and I are already excited thinking about it.

Of course there are other options. Tim's sister cheekily suggested we go to Europe this summer, go into debt- and spend the next twelve years paying off the debt rather than saving up for it. Or someone else suggested Tim could always become a multi-millionaire Televangelist and have his own private jet to go to Europe whenever he wants.

But I think we'll stick to the savings plan ;)
love B
PS To be fair, I have been to Europe before with my family. But I don't really care about going except that it would make Tim so happy. And I like a happy Tim!

10 things that make me happy

2010-09-19T15:23:00.003+10:00

My friend Jean tagged me for a meme. Ten things that make me happy.

1. Sunsets

2. Cherry Blossoms

3. Dates with Tim

4. Sharing Jesus with people who don't know him

5. The kids at church, and particularly being called "Aunty Belinda" (or Blinda, or Binda, or Bananna or whatever version they say!)

6. Praying and reading God's word and seeing it change people's lives :)

7. Nights of chatting with friends that slip into the early hours of the morning, because you are having so much fun.

8. Playing silly games with my Grant family

9. Telling old stories with my Clarke family

10. Walking on the beach

Tough stopping at ten. Praise God for so much joy potential in my life!
love B

Holidays

2010-09-13T09:28:00.003+10:00

Holidays in Melbourne are...

-Eating lots of food I shouldn't and not getting any exercise except a little bit of Wii fit. Though I did managed for the first time ever to get a Wii fit age which was actually within 10 years of my actual age so I assume I can't be going so bad!

-Being late to everything because every moment you spend with people you want to drag on and on. Or being late to everything because you just aren't in the habit of calculating the time it takes to get from A to B anymore.

-(speaking of cars) That Melbourne roads are beautifully wide and uncomplicated and that small cars like my sisters and my Mum's can't fit much stuff but they are so zippy and fun!

-lots of tears, as you realise once again that life is hard and that a burden shared may not be a burden halved, but that it does make a difference to be able to share the tough stuff over the last little while that you've all been through.

-Seeing people you don't see or talk to for 5 months and it is as if you just spoke yesterday

-Mad, crazy, not enough sleep.

-Wonderful.
love B

Bible study 5 months on

2010-09-02T15:14:00.003+10:00

Today I was talking with my boss (Senior pastor boss I mean, not God!) and we were reflecting on my Mum's Bible study- and reflecting on the change since it started.

Five Months ago- there were weeks when nobody came.

This week there were seven Mum!

This isn't an exercise in numbers. But its just funny to think of the March Belinda- sitting in a room by herself trying not to cry thinking that it was because of her that nobody came.

It's Encouraging to see perseverence paying off.

And particularly encouraging to see Mum's excited to read God's word, even when with small kids, it can be a bit of a sacrifice.
love Belinda

Worst that can happen...

2010-08-28T14:54:00.004+10:00

Conversation between me and Tim while we stroll through the Markets near our home.

Me: "I'm looking forward to this week of Sunday School being over(the kids are normally divided up and Tim and I take the youth but this week I am running things with the youths help). I had another nightmare about it last night. I'm so stressed about it and I don't know why."

Tim: "I don't know why you are stressed either. It's going to be fine. What is the worst that can happen?"

Me: (smiles) "I guess your right, the worst thing would be if I didn't turn up to teach it, and even then it would be okay"

Tim: (pause) "One of the Kids could die. That would be bad."

Me: "That would be bad. But the worst would be if they died because I accidently dropped something on their head. (pause again). Actually, it would probably be worst if I actually deliberately killed them out of rage. That would be the worst thing. And that would be bad"

As we walked on, I felt better, confident that though the worst thing that could happen tomorrow would indeed be terribly bad- it was not particularly likely.

love B

Holidays, on the way

2010-08-26T11:59:00.005+10:00

Holidays are almost sorted.

It is amazing the difference a few days make.

Two days ago I woke up from a shocking nightmare where I arrived at church to find out I was doing a kids talk and teaching Sunday School and I hadn't done any prep (most of my nightmares these days involve me getting into trouble for a lack of organisation- that is the monster in my nightmares!)

But now the kind of pent up stress that leads to such a dream has disapated.

Holidays are almost sorted. People have almost all agreed to look after my ministries while I am away. And even though I have many things to finish off in the weeks leading up to when I go away- I am starting to feel like it might all just come together in the end!

So what do I have to look forward to:

-Two nights in the Kangaroo Valley with a few great friends from college

-Four nights in Melbourne. Unfortunately it won't be a very long stay but it will be great to see family and I even get to help my soon to be sister-in-law Angie with putting together wedding invatations!

-One night at home

-Tim and I go away for a one night retreate for those considering church planting. It will involve talks and workshops, but it will also involve Tim and I time which I am really looking forward too!

Amazing how holidays put a tired brain in a better place!
love Belinda

Advice on things you've never experienced

2010-08-12T13:51:00.004+10:00

One of the realities of having a role like I do in a church is I often have people discussing their problems with me and getting advice.

But sometimes those questions are things that I myself do not have any personal experience with.

The main one at the moment is parenting. Working with Mum's so much, I am asked often things like "How should I pray for my kids?", "How do I explain to my kids about other religions?", "How can I get my child to read their Bible", "What should I do if my teenager stops talking to me?", "How do I help my kid cope with bullying".

And now I find myself preparing a session on how to encourage your children's Christian faith for the Mum's Bible study I lead!

While much of this relates to my particular role, this is not a new experience for me. I discipled women who were dating when I had never had a boyfriend.

And sometimes I felt completely inadequate, and a little bit uncomfortable- longing to find someone else who could do the job for me who is more "experienced"!

But there is a few things I've realised.

Yes you can't help with everything.

Yes there are things that you can't understand until you've experienced them.

And yes, I do think about and research and ask questions to those who have been through these experiences and can share the knowledge they have gained.

But the biggest thing I've found when faced with questions about life situations that I've never experienced is that the Bible often has something to say about them.

I have never had to discipline a child

But I know something of what the Bible says about discipline. And so rather than being caught up with feelings of inadequacy, I turn to God's Word and together me and my friend work out what our good God has to say that might help guide them in that particular situation.

When I was 22 I had a women who was a great deal older than me ask me advice about a situation with her husband. I was completely shocked to be asked, surprised that she would think I had anything to say. For a moment I was speechless

But I did have something to say.

I just told her what the Bible said about that particular issue.
And she did it.
love B

Thanks

2010-08-11T14:49:00.001+10:00

Hi friends,
Feeling very prayed for at the moment- just wanted to say thanks!
love B

After a slightly depressing last post...

2010-08-09T20:09:00.004+10:00

I actually had time today for a nice long walk. The sky was blue and wind wasn't icy and it actually felt like spring might be around the corner.

I found an op shop and bought two tops, one that is cool and one that is pretty! I tried on one dress which I absolutely loved-it was this strange peasanty number with a mash up of brown and green paisley patterns. It was a little too weird for me to wear in public so I didn't buy it. But I'm glad I got to try it on :)

I had a cup of tea with a good friend

I worked on my novel (160 pages- oh yeah!)

I cooked dinner for Tim that he absolutely loved and he's been going on about it ever since.

Small blessings.

Lovely day off.
love B

Update and prayer points

2010-08-04T13:30:00.004+10:00

It's been an interesting month.

I have been very weary- but not because I haven't been sleeping or because I haven't had time off. I have.

I'm just worn out.

It is amazing how easily discouraged I get. I find myself feeling like I am not doing a very good job at my job. I know that these feelings are not based on reality, and I know that other people don't feel this way- but I find it so easy to blame on myself when things don't get done or when things don't turn out like I prayed. The discouragement is part of the weariness- and a great opportunity to think hard about how I view my work. Because if I feel pride or self-loathing about the way I do things- the problem is that I am too focused on myself and not the God who I am serving. So I am praying that God will help me to see him in everything and not me.

I am also missing Melbourne and feeling very removed from family and friends. I find myself crying every time I see the My Dog add because the dog looks so much like my parent's in-law's little Pippin! It's not about Pippin (although I do miss him)- its about everything he represents. Home. Welcome. Love. Acceptance.

God is still encouraging me in many ways- most particularly through his Word and through Tim's ever present humour and encouragement. I am growing, changing.

But I am so tired.
Please pray for refreshment and peace.
love B

Reflections from Kids Club Day 2

2010-07-15T15:19:00.002+10:00

Today was Kids Club, day 2.

It's been going really well.

Everything has been so well done, and the children seem to be having an awesome time. They really seem to be getting into the story, and really understanding what we are trying to teach them. My hunch is its going to be the best Kids club I've ever been involved in- and I've been involved in at least 15 in my life!

So much of the time in ministry you feel like you are pushing, pushing, pushing people to be enthusiastic about ministry.

Sometimes you tear your hair out about people not doing their share of the work.

Sometimes in ministry you spend weeks and months leading up to an event like kids club, doing the admin that you hate and thinking- this is so hard!

And then sometimes- you sit back and watch incredibly gifted, godly people, who work their butts of to serve Jesus and the precious children he loves so much. And you see God doing amazing things in the lives and kids.

And you think to yourself. Oh right. That's why I do this job again.
love B

Tim and I in Kiama

2010-07-10T20:40:00.004+10:00

Just a few pictures from our brief time away

What my blog is

2010-07-06T09:44:00.004+10:00

Hello people,

It's a strange thing with this blog. Up to about 3 months ago I was under the impression that what I wrote on this blog- though intended for whoever wants to hear it- was only really going to a few people. I could have almost counted them on one hand- and when I wrote- I basically had in mind that the people reading it would be my sister, my friend's Fi and Suz, my sister-in-law-to-be Angie (who is also my friend of course :), and a few old friends who I've reacquainted with through their blogs.

But over the last few months i keep finding out that there are actually lots of people who do read by blog, sporadically perhaps- but I've at least moved off counting my fingers to having to count using my toes ;)

Nothing like the huge readership of most of the blogs I read, or even some of my friends, but slightly intimidating none the less.

I always find it funny to read blog posts on blogging. But here is one.

When I first started this blog in 2008, I was a studying first year Bible College student, terribly homesick for Melbourne, who was feeling strange because for the first time in many years she wasn't really doing any formal ministry. Part of the idea of the blog was that maybe this would be the much needed avenue for reflecting on and sharing what I was learning. For some reason it didn't really turn out like that.

Then I started my Kids/Women's ministry job. And I quickly gave up any intention of making this blog a deliberate "ministry". I was too tired, and to be honest whenever I started writing a post that was to instruct or teach, I felt a bit overwhelmed. I didn't feel like an expert enough in anything to write something instructive. I would write such posts, but I would always feel a bit proud and arrogant, and they would remain in my drafts folder. I think that I underestimate myself. I have lots of things I could say that might be helpful- but until that knowledge is reflected in how I feel about it- this blog will remain a reflection of what I've discovered and learnt- not primarily what I want to teach others.

And with a novel thrown in, which I know deserves more attention than its given, my blog takes second place to most things in my life. I blog because i want to- not because i feel like I should. This is somewhat reflected in the occasional months that go past without a post.

So what is this blog?:

This blog is NOT honest. What do I mean? I mean that this blog is not a blog where I write all my true experiences and feelings. There are things in my life that are too private for a non-anonymous blog. I share what I feel comfortable with, and while i sometimes worry that this is a bit of a rose-coloured glance at my life- that's just how it has to be sometimes. And I think I've come to peace with that.

This blog is for friends. That doesn't mean I don't love it when people I don't know read it and comment! I do. But I can't be bothered thinking every time I write it about how to make it good or interesting or relevant for "the public". So apologies if it's not! :)

This blog is mostly for me. I do think about who is reading it, and I occasionally don't say things that I think might be unhelpful. But this blog first and foremost is for me to have time to reflect and record this strange time in my life. The idea of thinking really hard about my blog and how it might help people makes me very tired :) And so I pray that God will take my reflections and use them to help others, even if I don't have time to be deliberate about it.

Thanks to all of you who read it. I'm very thankful to God for you. It's lovely that even though many of you are far away- that I can share a little bit of this adventure with you.
love B

Only one night away...

2010-07-03T20:44:00.004+10:00

But, given that- absolutely wonderful.

Highlight? The gorgeous B&B? The walk along the ocean? The Spa bath?

No. It was the same highlight that I've had from every holiday since I've been married.

The highlight was Tim.

love B

Nose dive in Novel confidence

2010-07-01T08:24:00.003+10:00

I'm having a crisis in confidence to do with my novel.

Each week I get an email from the NSW Writers Centre letting me know of what courses they are running, what writing festivals are on, and what competitions are out there.

And ever since being totally inspired by the Sydney Writers festival session I went to (Isabelle Carmody- writer of two of my favourite series, and Garth Nix- who I've only just started reading now, but whose insightful comments on that day have made a huge difference in my writing)- I've been thinking I should go along to more of those things. I know there are huge gaps in my skills and I want to grow them.

Anyway- this week I noticed to sessions i would love to go to. One was the children's and young adults fiction festival this Saturday. The second was a session on writing happening at the end of the month.

Two things freaked me out.

The Cost.

It costs alot of money to do these kind of things.

Not lots of money in the scheme of things. But my hobby which hasn't really ever cost me a cent suddenly could go up a notch.

I don't know if my novel is worth spending money on, when money is not always flowing.

Tim, wonderful Tim- assured me "Let me me the judge of that. I have faith in you. Spend what you need to".

The second thing that freaked me out is that one of the sessions of the festival- you had the opportunity to a) Pitch your story to publishers and get feedback on how you could pitch it better or b) Submit your first page to be critiqued in front of everyone.

And I don't even have the guts to show my story to my dearest friends! Every time I've tried to explain my story premise I end up getting tongue tied and feeling a bit silly. If there is one thing I have faith in it's the premise of my story- the overall plot- the interesting world in which everything happens. But even that I don't know how to sell.
And though I suspect my first page is actually quite good- one day I will have to show the rest of it, the awkward sentences and the corny conversations that I wrote in haste (just trying to write something) and never had a chance to de-cringe-a-fy!

Suddenly it hit me that I either need to do a whole lot more work, get over my fear and just put myself out there, or give up on this. Oh I'm so scared. What if it's no good!

In the end I decided I couldn't go to the festival anyway- though I'm still pretty keen on the course at the end of the month. But it has raised bigger questions

I don't know if I can do this!

But I love it so much. I love my characters and my world. I want it to be published.
I hope it can.
love B

Two Nights, one glorious day

2010-06-28T11:44:00.005+10:00

There are certain things I know about myself.

For the sake of my mental health, every so often, I need two nights away with my husband.

Two nights.

Not one.

Two.

Don't get me wrong. One night is wonderful! It is so wonderful. But the problem is that it ends up being just that. One night.

Mornings packing, cleaning the house so it doesn't depress the holiday out of us when we get home, and thinking- we should get a bite to eat before we go. Arrive at the place usually around 3. Have a lovely, lovely time. But then, the next day, once you've packed up and eaten lunch and you hit that afternoon slump, you end up heading home. To a home that isn't quite as clean as you remembered. To computers and books and xbox and television and whatever is happening the next day. Not that these things are bad. But suddenly the holiday grinds to a holt.

But when you have two nights holiday- you end up with this glorious, completely-contained holiday day in the middle. And THAT is what I need right now.

Tim and I were trying to work out it.

First plan was for me to leave work early on Thursday- so that we could go somewhere for Thursday night and Friday night.

Commitment Saturday morning. Scratch that.

I didn't know what i could do! Then my scripture class was cancelled for Thursday and one of the lovely Mum's in my Bible study offered to run an end of year morning tea and prayer time for that day so I could take it off.

I enthusiastically told Tim: "We can go away Wednesday night and Thursday night".

Tim: "But we have "Food for Thought" on that night" (FFT is our annual big church dinner when people can invite their friends to hear about Jesus)

GRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr... (don't get me wrong- I LOVE Food For Though- but the timing is just...Grrrrrr)

We still haven't worked out exactly what it will look like- but we are getting our two nights. Even if it means starting our mini-break at 10pm on Wednesday night!

It has been a big year. And while I have had lovely holiday time in Melbourne, I have not had holiday time with Tim.

I need my one glorious day.
love B

life sans sunsets

2010-06-25T16:47:00.002+10:00

The biggest drag about living in the crammed urban world that is the Inner West of Sydney is the lack of sunsets. I sometimes get glimmers of how good it could be by the light reflecting off the apartment building out the study window. But when in excitement I go searching to see it- there is nowhere to go. No big hills or flat expanses to walk to. Just more buildings close together. An occasional glimmer between them, and its gone.

I miss my sunsets :(

love B

The fog lifts

2010-06-18T12:17:00.005+10:00

It started with the Roses. It always does.

I didn't realise it at the time. But as I walked towards the office I looked up and there they were. The Roses. Bobbing away in the breeze, under a sky which had been blue for days. They were always there. But on Wednesday, I saw them. I hadn't seen them for weeks.

It wasn't what I would call an easy morning. There was lots to do, and lots of conversations to be had. My throat was tired and after singing and story telling and entertaining I was ready for a nap, not for work. But I grabbed myself some lunch and sat down at my desk.

I sat at my computer for around 30 minutes. Not working. I can't do this. I just can't do this. I thought to myself. Not just that I can't do the work that I knew needed to get done. I meant I can't do this job. I'm no good at it. It's too hard. I can't do this and life and everything else. I can't do this.

Just one email. I told myself. Send one email and then you will feel better.

So I sent one. And then I sent another. And then I opened up a document and starting listening what we would do at the Kids Club training day.

That actually sounds pretty good I thought to myself.

I kept working. I thought about Kids Club and all the great things that would happen. I thought about Scripture and Bible study. It was good. It was work. But it was good. And I was too busy doing it to tell myself that I couldn't.

Even then I didn't know.

It was this morning. The roses aren't the only sign for me. As I went for my walk I started singing. Singing in my head. Lolling along Glebe Point Road singing a song in my head. I had sung, I had listened to songs, I had even had them stuck in my head. But not this "I'm happy so I will sing" that I found myself in for the first time in weeks.

That's when I realised.

The fog had lifted.

When your feeling depressed and you loose your confidence, you don't always know what's going on. You know that it's happening, but you don't see the way that it creeps into every aspect of your life and colours it grey.

But when the fog goes away, when God in his kindness and wisdom helps you think true helpful thoughts and not negative lies.

The sky clears.

And you see the roses.
love B

Technology and compliments

2010-06-16T15:35:00.004+10:00

Tim has recently acquired a new toy- an iPhone.

When they first came out he was a little bit interested but that interest quickly waned. After his old phone busted and he was finally due for a new plan- the topic came up again. And after numerous debates and discussions, now he has one.

I spent the first week joking that the iPhone was the third partner in our relationship, as when we went to bed, rather than speaking to me he would be checking facebook or playing the Settlers-of-Catan ap!

And at a recent seminar on marriage at college- when people had to put up suggestions of what was "marriage intimacy" killers- several people suggested iPhone and ipods!

But there are some benefits to our relationship.

I love compliments, and I particularly appreciate when I'm feeling down having Tim list all the things he appreciates about me. He willingly does it for me very regularly, but it can be a bit taxing for him.

Enter the iPhone!

Now- with the excellent voice recorder software- Tim has made a copy of him saying how much he loves and appreciates me. So whenever I need to hear it- its there- in just the touch of a button :)

And now, with Tim being away for the weekend, he's sent me a copy so I can hear his sexy voice saying lovely things whenever I want!

I think the iPhone can stay :)
love B

My little book

2010-06-12T16:08:00.004+10:00

Earlier this week I opened my novel. For the first time in ages. I thought I'd check how long. I opened up the properties in the document to see when it was last accessed. April 29th. Yikes!

I think I've talked about this before- but the times when I'm writing I'm happy, and my periods of non-writing are often when I'm stress, overworked, or down. I don't know what comes first: Does writing make me happy, or do I only write when I'm happy?

Regardless of which is which- I want to write more :)

I printed out my story so I could have a read of it hard copy to start working out what needs to be added. It was trippy. I accidentally printed it out in booklet form. And you know what! It actually looks like a little book. I sat on the train reading it thinking- this feels like a book! A book that makes only a little sense because large chunks of the story haven't been finished yet- but a book nonetheless.

So what are the stats?
144 pages
40,895 words.

My aim for this month is to make the changes that I have written onto my hard copy, and to finish writing up everything in my notebook onto my computer copy. And to fill in the small holes in the first half of the story.

The second half of this year? Write the bulk of the second half of my story. A scary but exhilarating prospect.
love B

How Long...

2010-06-08T16:44:00.002+10:00

Monday wasn't a great day.

Part way through the day I was struggling with unanswered prayers and thinking about Psalms- and I started thinking about the one or two Psalms which have the line in them "How Long, oh Lord...". I decided to try to find them, so I opened up www.biblegateway.com

I found many, many Psalms which contained the words "How Long?". How often does the cry come from God's people! And it is not an incorrect thing to ask.

But something else came up too:

"This is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, says: 'How long will you refuse to humble yourself before me? Ex 10:3

Then the LORD said to Moses, "How long will you refuse to keep my commands and my instructions?Exodus 16:27

The LORD said to Moses, "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them?Numbers 14:11

The LORD said to Samuel, "How long will you mourn for Saul, since I have rejected him as king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil and be on your way; I am sending you to Jesse of Bethlehem. I have chosen one of his sons to be king." 1 Samuel 16:1

Elijah went before the people and said, "How long will you waver between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal is God, follow him." But the people said nothing. 1 Kings 18:21

How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame ? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ? Psalm 4:2

How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? Prov 6:9

O Jerusalem, wash the evil from your heart and be saved. How long will you harbor wicked thoughts? Jeremiah 4:14

God has given this cry to, when he's observed stiff-necked people. People like me.

Thank you Lord, for your patience.
Please grant me patience too.
Amen

Love B

Graciousness

2010-06-07T19:41:00.004+10:00

Sometimes in Ministry you can't win!

You offend people when you ask them to help you with a ministry

You offend people when you don't ask them to help with a ministry

You offend people because they are convinced that you are offended by them- and they feel that you have no right to be offended by them, so they express to you how offended they are by the fact that you are offended by them when in fact you weren't offended in the first place.

But you are now!

And to be fair, sometimes I offend people because I don't put thought into how they are feeling and I am so busy and so self-absorbed that I don't treat them the way that I would like to be treated.

Ministry takes alot of grace.

God please help me to show grace to people the way you've shown grace to me!
Amen

love B

Fiona's Kitchen (Tea!) Rules

2010-06-05T15:32:00.020+10:00

Hi folks,
I thought I'd share with you a few photos of my friends Fi's Kitchen Tea- particularly because I'm a little bit proud of it! It was something that myself and the other Bridesmaids put allot of thought into- and it was really fun. It's the kind of thing that could work for a social event at church or with friends.
We decided that given Australia's current obsession with Cooking shows we would have a Master Chef themed Kitchen Tea.
We called it "Fiona's Kitchen (Tea!) Rules"- complete with a little FKR logo on the invites and on posters on the walls. Fi didn't know details of what was going to happen. We got everyone to dress up in aprons.
Everyone also bought along a receipy to put into Fi's special FKR book

We dressed Fiona up in her very own "Princess Fiona" apron- complete with a crown

First challenge was the mystery box! Fi (along with two hand picked helpers) had to make something out of the ingredience we gave her. People could watch and chat.

Fi and her helpers had 15 minutes to either plate up (ideally) or at least have her dish in the oven.

These are Fi's beautiful Pear pancakes with cinnamon flavoured cream cheese icing with pear garnish :)

We got some guests (including Fi's Mum and Mother-in-Law to be!) who gave some Master chef-eques special comments and scores.

Then it was on to the Taste Test! My Mum had prepared an amazing slow cooked lamb stew made of 14 ingredients.

Guests got to taste and look at the stew and decide what they thought was in it.

Final activity: We all got a chance to decorate some cupcakes with various goodies we provided.
And Fi got to judge the most beautiful creation

Me and My sister

All in all, it was a fun but exhausting morning!

love B

Pictures from the wedding week

2010-06-01T12:09:00.008+10:00

Here are some pics from my crazy but wonderful wedding week:
The first needs a bit of an explanation. On the Tuesday before the wedding I fulfilled a life long dream by being the entertainment at a kids birthday, specifically I was "Princess Belinda" for Ella's (one of the wedding flower-girls) Princess party. Don't have that many good pics yet of it, but here is a little self-portrait featuring a cute little tiara. In the car on the way to the wedding, with my fellow bridesmaids Kate and Lisa

Hmm, not sure how to turn pictures around, but here is me arriving at the church

Kate and I- gives you a sense of the dress, which I absolutely loved. They worked so well, and even though Lisa had a maternity version made (she was six months pregnant) it still worked really well together

Me and Tim! The wedding week was the longest we'd been apart since we got married.

Me and the beautiful Ella (4)- she was a flowergirl and very delightful company in the week leading up to the wedding

And Fi the beautiful bride!

love B

My week

2010-05-27T18:17:00.003+10:00

As I sit down to write about this week, I feel like falling asleep on the key board instead.

It has been a great week. But you don't realise how tiring it is running around doing little errands until you come home and stop and realise how nice that feels.

It's been a great week. But you can't just go on holidays after a very busy and difficult month and expect recovery to be instantaneous. I am still emotionally winding down, and returning to a normal Belinda. Hopefully I will be there before I go back to work :)

It's been a great week. But not as I expected. Rather than heaps of social time with Fi, it's been lots of quality family time, and time hanging with the other Bridesmaids. Two people who I didn't know that well, who I've always liked from afar, and who I now know are as lovely as I'd imagined.

It's been a great week. But it isn't over. Not tomorrow but the next day I get to see my friend Fi walk down the aile, not as a rehearsal but for real. I get to hear her make amazing promises and start a new stage of life with her husband.

I'm so excited.
love B

Flash back

2010-05-25T09:36:00.003+10:00

Hello,
I am writing to you from the study in my parents house. In the house where I lived from the time my mother brought me home from hospital.

It's changed a little.

There are new rooms, there is a rather nice patio. And after 20 odd years of hints, there is finally a fireplace.

But some things haven't changed. My room is still blue- though it seems so much smaller with a big sofa bed and my sisters sewing things stacked on my old desk.

Yesterday I road in the car with my sister.

She tried to get me to listen to her alternative music.
Then she eventually gave in and we listened to Crowded House and Van Morrison which we both like.
We coughed in songs to block out the swear words.
We talked about life and God and friends.
I teased her about being a Melbourne Uni Alternative-hippy who scorns me for my "pop" music and doesn't buy retail.
She teased me about my inability to offer my assistance in housework until the job was already finished.

My life has changed so much in the last six years since I moved out. And many of the changes are very, very good.

But some things haven't changed.

It's lovely.
love B

Where I am now

2010-05-18T21:40:00.003+10:00

I'm sitting in our study. Outside the gum trees are there, but I can only see a few leaves shadowing across the lights of a near by apartment.

Earlier tonight I saw a clear flash of lightening, and then- BOOM, the thunder sounded.

Tim has often commented on things that he wants about the house that we live in. He often says, he's love to have a clean study that was all his own- a haven (the need for a haven may have something to do with the usual state of the house ;).

What do I want?

I want a room with a view.

I want to be able to be sitting on the computer- working on my story, and then look up and see something beautiful.

It makes my day.

I have that at the moment. Lovely trees, and a square of sky.

It's strange. Because I've had a really tough month. I'm overworked. I'm burning out. I'm tired.

But this room is my haven.

This room with a view.
love B

Operation Relocation

2010-05-11T21:42:00.003+10:00

It just hit me today.

So far in my mind I've been pining after Melbourne people. Melbourne friends. Regretting the things that I'm missing, longing for the day when I would be back again.

But its just hit me. In a year and a little more than half we will be back in Melbourne. Perhaps for the rest of our lives.

And I'm suddenly realising how much I love my Sydney friends. How hard it will be to leave.

But before my Melbourne friends let out a sigh of horror (or even a few I told you so's) rest assured we are definitely coming back to Melbourne. Melbourne is home, and even if it wasn't- it is where I think we are needed.

But it's gonna hurt. Not to leave the city. But to leave the people. And it won't be like these two years of missing Melbourne friends, because in my mind it was always temporary.

But realistically, there are people who I dearly love who I will probably never live in the same city as again.

Wait- that's not true. In Heaven we will. And that will be amazing.

But I'll miss them while I wait.

And that brings me to my new plan.

Operation Relocation!

Get all my dearest Sydney friends to decide to make the permanent move to Melbourne!

I started with one friend today. She might have been humouring me, but she didn't sound totally against to the idea.

Operation Relocation.

Sydney friends- you have been warned!
love B

God is good to me

2010-05-10T07:58:00.005+10:00

It's been a bad week.

Which is funny really.

Because it's been a good week.

Playgroup was great.
Bible study was great.
Scripture was great.

There aren't things that have been going wrong. It's me. I've been going wrong. I've been struggling and working away, not having the energy to battle my usual discontentment and other related sins. And so I just let them grow. It was also a busy week, and I wasn't getting the rest I need.

When organising last Saturday I made the momentous error (for the second time!) of putting our Youth group sleepover on the same time as Equip- a women's ministry conference I take a group of church too. Stupid!

I kind of figured Equip would be pretty refreshing. And it was. But it was also very emotional.

There was a talk on Envy.

I think I've mentioned before that envy is something that I really struggle with.

One women during the conference described the talk as like being placed on an operating table and then "poke, poke, poke".

It was so helpful. But very confronting

One of the big things that was emphasised is that while Envy is obviously about other people, in many ways for Christian it boils down to our relationship with God.

Why is God kinder to her than to me?

It is that unhelpful idea that we sometimes have that God has a certain amount of "goodness" that he has to give people. Limited blessing. And when she is going well, and I am going badly, it's because God has decided to give his good to someone who isn't me.

But God is not like that.

God is infinitely good and generous.

And not only is God good.

He is good to me.

Me.

He is good to me even when my situation is not good.

He is good to me even when my heart is not in the right place.

He is working all things out for my good whether I like how he's doing it or not.

Ironically since the talk, with my lack of sleep, and a few other things, I've been overwhelmed with envy.

But now at least with God's help I'm fighting it. With these words.

God is good to me.

God is good to me.

love B

May Madness

2010-04-30T10:13:00.001+10:00

May is about to begin!

And it's going to be a massive, massive month.

Please pray for me, that I will get everything done- particularly this weekend where I have several things to do for church on Sunday and a very small window in which to do them!

Thanks friend,
Belinda

Me at 13 Part 2

2010-04-23T21:37:00.004+10:00

(Spelling mistakes have been left in for authenticity sake)

I think its an interesting exercise for Tim to get to hear something of my year 7 prayer diary. He recon's he can see a fair bit of the thirteen year old still in me!

Year 7 was a really shocking year. I had just arrived back from the US, and was surprised to find that life didn't suddenly turn out wonderful like I expected it to. I didn't have any good friends, and got picked on at school quite a bit. So much of my prayers were crying out to God- pleading with him to change my situation. It's interesting to compare it to now when I am faced with difficulties. My understanding of God is a great deal more sophisticated- but many of the raw emotions are the same. But as I read many of those sad and sorry prayers- I look at how God has answered them, the way he has cared for me. It's pretty cool.

Some of my reflections on God:
"God, your love for me is so great that even if I commit every sin I can you will care for me still"

"My Lord is the way to heven and theres no other way i would like to travel. Being in heven with Jesus cant be a boring thing".

"You don't want me to fear the future so help me to look forward to the good things and not dread the bad things"

My spelling was (still is) atrocious- my personal favourite is "anof". Think about it phonetically if you can't work out what I mean.

But probably the strangest thing is what I choose to pray for. I would usually talk about my day with God and pray for myself. Then I had a few people I would pray for everyday. And finally I would pray for a very random group of people who either came to me at the spur of the moment or were inspired by something that happened that day.

Some examples:
I pray for:
...People who play musical instruments
...all the engaged couples of the world
...People who can't praise you because of speech disabilities
...Those who have been badly affected by volcanoes
...those who have snow and don't want it
...Michael Jackson
...for those who have the power to blow up the world (that they think twice)
...those who have lost something of centermental value
...those who lose there job because of tretury
...famous people who have been put down by New Idea magazines- that you would keep them from becoming unpopular.

love B

Me at 13

2010-04-20T16:29:00.004+10:00

Kyck and all the youthy things I have been doing got me thinking about myself when I was young. What did I understand about God? What did I know.

Luckily for me- I actually have a record for from the age of 13 until the age of around 19 (I think) I kept a fairly regular prayer journal. It was literally my conversations with God about my day and how I was feeling.

I have been reading the entries, and they are pretty funny- and that's not even if you count crazy phonetic spelling! Tim and I were in histerics last night over some of them. I'm going to put some up on this blog when I have the chance.

But its also really interesting- and fascinating to see God's work in my life. Cool to see the simple gospel truths that were obviously so clear to me- especially that I am saved not by what I do.

But I wanted to share one thing. One of the things that I did (don't know why, but its a great idea) is that I sometimes prayed about what I had read in the Bible that day. I was reading through John. This is what I wrote.

"I love you God. I'm so glad that you are three in one. One third Father. One third Jesus, One Third Spirit. And a third of you lives in my heart!

Hmmm, not sure if that's quite an orthodox view of the Trinity!
love B

Please Pray

2010-04-19T09:25:00.004+10:00

I have a friend called Rosemary who is having a Mastectomy this week.
Please pray for her.
love B

30 years worth of thankyous!

2010-04-15T10:36:00.007+10:00

On Kyck we were challenged to not be people who were focused on gaining things that don't last (money, fame, things etc), but to be people who thanked God for the good gifts he gives us.

So, to celebrate my birthday- I thought I would thank God for things that he has given me over the years of my life.

Year 0-Thanks God for giving me life!
Year 1- Thanks God for giving me awesome parents who told me of you and loved me so kindly and wisely
Year 2- Thanks for my sister!
Year 3-Thanks for the Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins who bring such joy
Year 4- Thanks for the house I grew up in, particularly the huge backyard where I could run around, dream, make up stories, and talk to you
Year 5- Thanks for primary school- for the things you taught me and the lessons I learnt about life and the world you created
Year 6- Thanks for my Grandparents farm- a place where I experienced so much joy.
Year 7- Thanks for St Mary's and St Paul's where I had such fun at church and where I learnt so many amazing things about you and your son.
Year 8-Thanks for the imagination that you gave me, and the many fun years (still continuing) of making up stories
Year 9-Thanks for friends you gave me
Year 10-Thanks for the time you gave me in the states- the beautiful world of Madison that you decided in your Divine plan to share with me
Year 11-Thanks for the experience of living in another country- and the love you gave me starting then for people who are from countries other than Australia
Year 12- Thanks for the church I went to in America- particularly my Sunday School teacher Laura who helped me understand what it means that we are all sinners
Year 13- Thanks for High school. Even though it was a hard 6 years, I learnt so much and I grew so much and I am thankful for how you used it to shape me into the person that I am.
Year 14- Thanks for Youth Group- for the leaders, for the opportunities for ministry, for all the fun times, and for the friends.
Year 15- Thanks for Jesus! (That is relevant for every year- but I might as well stick it here, and 15 was a hard year and knowing that Jesus died for me was something that helped get me through it)
Year 16-Thanks for letting me go overseas to Europe. You have blessed me with so many special experiences and I am grateful.
Year 17- Thanks for Beach Mission! It was such a key time in my walk with you, the friends I made are so precious, and it was there that I realised I wanted to spend the rest of my life telling people about Jesus. What a blessing!
Year 18-Thanks for giving me a love of learning.
Year 19-Thanks for Uni. Thanks for that fun crazy time. Thanks particularly for the Christian Union I was apart of- for the fun, the friendships, and the Bible teaching and training which has made such a difference to my Christian life and service.
Year 20-Thanks for my friend Fi- thanks for the way you have used her over the years to be such a source of encouragement and fun!
Year 21-Thanks for teaching me that I should find my self-worth in you and not in other people (still learning that one- but 21 was a key year)
Year 22-Thanks for giving me jobs- allowing me to earn money. Thanks for the growing up that took place and the lessons I learnt.
Year 23-Thanks for introducing me to the most amazing man in the world. Thanks that (after a while!) he decided to ask me out. Thanks that despite my worries over the previous 22 years that you had it all figured out!
Year 24-Thanks for my marriage to Tim. Thanks that despite the fact that we are both sinners, that you have used us to grow each other. Thanks for all those amazing fun times.
Year 25-Thanks for the chance to do an apprenticeship at RMIT. It was just amazing to have people donate money so that I could spend my time reading the Bible with Uni-students and encouraging them in their faith. Thanks for the blessing of being trained by the gifted and godly Steve and Heather. I grew so much.
Year 26- Thanks for Scots Church- for all the things we learnt and the dear friends we made. It is such a blessing even now when we are far away that we have such caring lovely "couple friends" who welcome us back as if we never left.
Year 27-Thanks for Bible College. I still can't believe I got that one precious year of studying your word. Thanks for that unexpected Gift.
Year 28-Thanks for Chatswood Baptist and particularly the chance of getting to work there. Only you could work things out so well! Thanks for Children's ministry and making it fun as well as challenging
Year 29-Thanks for the way that despite hard things and trials and time away from family, that you have held me tight to you, and grown me in my faith.

Year 30
Plenty of things I could say- but as it's only been 11 and half hours (or less than an hour depending if you are going via the actual time of birth), I won't dwell on them ;)
But even though I don't know what this year holds- I know that it is in the hands of a creator who loves me.
Thanks God for being in control of my life.
I love you.
Amen
B

8 years on... my thoughts on Youth Ministry

2010-04-13T12:43:00.007+10:00

God has a strange way of placing you where you don't expect.

When my friend Fi and I were finishing off Uni, we were both thinking about working in Full-time ministry. Fi dreamed of Youth ministry, I of working with Uni students

8 years on?

Fi is now working full-time with a Uni Christian group, and I lead the junior youth group at church!

This is particularly strange for me, because I'd done the youth thing and I thought I was finished with it. As I finished junior youth group as a 16 year old, low and behold (like almost everyone else) I was asked to be a leader myself. And so I was. I was a youth group leader for around 6 years, one as the coordinator. I have lots of happy memories of leaders meetings, crazy Friday night activities, youth camps, Bible studies, and interesting conversation. But I also had lots of memories of frustration, of kids who didn't seem to get why God was important, of kids who were so different from what I was like at there age (a nerd) that I found it hard to relate to them. Youth leading it seemed was made for people with thicker skin than me.

And while Uni ministry was tough, it seemed to fit my personality so much better.

So, nearly a decade on- how do I feel about youth ministry?

It's funny in a way. I still find many of the things that I used to find frustrating frustrating. I still don't get how youth can often be so apathetic to a God who has done so much for them, and who is so much more great and glorious than all the things they put before him.

But a few things have made a difference.

The first is I'm more relaxed.

My fear when I first looked after youth was always: "Will they stay Christian? Will they go off the rails?". And in someways- as I think of many of the youth I once taught- the sad reality is that this fear has been realised.

But I am still more relaxed now. I don't jump down their throats if they express frustration at the Christian life. I don't expect them to have it all figured out right away. I don't expect them to sit in a Bible study or a talk or a conference and get all the things out of it that I am. They are learning, growing, changing. I am more patient with that process, and more trusting that God in his own time will do the work that he wants.

But the second change is that my expectations are also higher, particularly after a talk I heard during the weekend away at Kyck.

I think in the past I thought the most you could expect from teenagers was that they stay Christian and learn stuff during their early to mid high school years.

But that is to underestimate them. Youth can do so much more, they can make so much more out of the teenage years. I don't want my Youth kids to just stay Christian. I want them to be Christian! I want them to teach kids about Jesus, to invite friends to church, to evangelise, to help the poor, and to do anything else that God's Word and Spirit prompts them to do!

And I'm thankful that when I was that age that people pushed me. That they taught me Two ways to Live. That they put me on a committee to organise Youth Services when I was in year 8. That they pushed me to do Kids Club and Beach Mission and Youth group. I don't think i could be doing so many of the things I do now if people had treated me like I often treat the youth I know.

A humbling rebuke.

love B

Knowing myself

2010-04-13T12:27:00.005+10:00

One of the keys I've found so far in surviving the full-time (or almost full-time) ministry life is knowing yourself.

On Sunday night we got back from Kyck- a fantastic youth convention. I spent much of the weekend driving around with and hanging with three girls from our youth Bible study. It was great fun and a huge blessing- and encouraging to see them all struggling with the Bible and what it had to say about Life and what really mattered. I nearly went deaf with the volume of music they insisted on in the car, and didn't sleep very much- but my only tears from the weekend were tears of joy as a reflected on the amazing God that I serve.

Knowing myself, I knew that after that kind of weekend, after that kind of intense, crazy, happy adrenaline I was going to have a crash day.

It's today.

I'm sitting at work, on my lunch break. I feel like I can't do anything. I feel like there is no way that I'm going to get through the term ahead. I feel like I can't possibly fill all the Sunday School teacher/helper spots. I feel like its all going to crash around me. Even the weekend with all its blessings seems to be not quite as good as I first imagined.

One of the things that was talked about on the weekend is the fleetingness of life. I came away inspired to make the most of the life I have left. To make it count.

I woke this morning. I didn't want to make it count. I just wanted to sleep in and be miserable!

But I know what I feel is not true.

I know that God in his goodness will provide.

I know I will survive.

Today is my down day.

And knowing that helps me to keep it together.
love B

Holes and Ends

2010-04-12T16:47:00.003+10:00

Sometimes I doubt that I'm smart enough to write a novel.

So many holes to fill. So many ends to tie. So many new ideas that crowd into the old. I'm doing a bit of re-reading today (something I've been avoiding lately so that some writing gets done) and I see all these ideas from a year ago that I haven't yet followed through in the rest of the story. Do I keep them or loose them?

Exhausting and occasionally little bit dispiriting.

But still fun.
love B

Novel problems

2010-04-06T18:00:00.003+10:00

I am very conscious of my page count on my novel.

Each time I open it out (which is incidentally daily at the moment), I stare at the little number in the corner.

My husband doesn't get page counts. He prefers to know my number of words (he's such a student). But I was beginning to think he had the right idea.

Because for a long time the page count wasn't growing.

The first reason was usually because I wasn't writing!

The second reason was because I was editing, and therefore words would go up or down or stay the same and I could put hours in and there would not be a difference.

But slowly that is changing. Each week it goes up. Not by much, one, two, maybe three pages at a time.

But it is going up.

This week I started working on the order of a few sections, and I mercilessly cut out a bit that I had written in the first few months of writing. So often when I'm re-reading something I wrote long ago I end up scrawling underneath the mantra of the novelist "Show don't tell, show don't tell". Don't just describe things, don't just explain things. Use the narrative and the characters movements to let the reader know what they need to know. So I had long ago written a "show" version of my "telling" passage- but had not removed the original.

I removed it on Monday.

2 pages down the tube.

It was very discouraging.

But to my amazement as I kept on plugging away I replaced those pages that day. And added on a few more.

At the end of last year I decided that I would set myself the goal of getting the first draft of this novel done by the end of this year. And at various different points during the months proceeding this one I've assumed that I had bitten off more than I could chew and that there was no way it was possible. But I now think I can do it.

I printed out a section of my story so I could work out the order of some random interactions of characters that I had plonked together, and so that I could work out the "gaps" that need to be filled to make the narrative come together. I stared at the pages in horror. I had loved measuring things in terms of pages- it made me feel like my end wasn't far away. But as I looked at how many words and lines constituted a "page" I was in shock. There was so little. Perhaps I hadn't written as much as I thought.

Then as I read it, I realised something was odd.

Our printer had been cutting off a paragraph at the bottom of every page.

Phew.

135 pages

38,508 words

love B

Random Observations of this week

2010-04-06T17:16:00.005+10:00

This week I did a kids talk for Easter, and as part of it we had a Humpty Dumpty Egg "Fall" off a wall and smash on the ground. One of the toddlers burst into tears. We couldn't work out if he was sad because Humpty "died", if he was just in shock, or if he was upset because he wasn't allowed to eat it!

I've been really admiring the various families around me at church and the hard work they put into teaching their kids about Jesus. Easter really makes it hit home- as parents think of creative ways of helping the kids understand the story. And our Sunday School teachers are also doing a fabulous job. I'm so impressed by how well even the little kids are doing at remembers that Easter is about Jesus and not chocolate! One of the kids was showing me the "resurrection" eggs they had used in the 3-5 yo class.
I pointed to the picture of the tomb.
"What's that".
"That's where they put Jesus"
"Then what happened"
"He came back to life on the three day!"

Today I went to a funeral of a man from church. The talk was based around the verse in Psalm 90 "Teach us to number our days aright, so we might grow in wisdom". For the first time in my life- I felt that death was not that far away. Even if I live another 50 odd years- that is nothing in terms of eternity. Time is short. I really want to make it count.

One of the women I spoke to at the funeral said to me afterwards "When I was a little girl, I was so scared of death. Now I see it as not a bad thing at all. I'm not afraid. I have hope."

I've never seen such a stoic, content widow at a funeral before. And not because he wasn't dear to her, and not because she wouldn't miss him. She was just so happy that he was out of pain and with Jesus.

Death was on my mind alot this week. But so was the Resurrection. And hope.
love B

My name

2010-03-30T14:41:00.003+11:00

It turns out- despite my initial thoughts to the contrary- that Belinda is actually quite a tricky name to say and spell.

This is particularly true for those who did not live in Australia during the names hay-day years of 1978-1982.

A man at Gloria Jeans asked me my name, looked puzzled and then asked how to spell it. My friend Bek and I laughed when up on the screen poped "Berinda".

I went through the first six months of mainly music with a name tag reading Blinda.

And most of the time I need to correct, as people assume I've said Linda, Melinda, or even Brenda.

But my favourite so far happened today. Little Hayley is told every week to say "Bye Auntie Belinda" at the end of playgroup.

This week, without prompting, she tried it.

"Bye bye Auntie Banana!"
love B

Reflection on the term that's been

2010-03-28T13:18:00.003+11:00

Technically the term is not over yet- I still have two playgroups, several meetings, a Bible study and a scripture Easter lesson to go!

But I've spent much of the weekend thinking about the term that's been and I thought I'd share a little (don't worry, not everything!) of what's been coming up.

As I approached this year i was excited. For the first time in many years, with the exception of moving house- I was hitting a year without major changes. I normally hate change, and so I thought that it was going to be an easy year start.

It wasn't.

For a start, my job ramped up a notch. Normally when I tell people that I work 4 days a week Tim pipes up with the quip "No, you work full-time, your just paid four days". I normally disagree, but I've had to confess that this year- due to some ministry commitments that I have somewhat willingly taken on- it is definitely heading to at the least 4.5 days, some weeks 5.

Plus, to my complete shock, the fact that there wasn't any changes was hard.

So many people in my life are going to changes. Good changes. Exciting new jobs, changes to their families, whatever it might be. And in many ways I was feeling like i was being left behind- like my life and my world were stagnant. Envy- the sin monster who is my most violent of foes- reared up more overwhelming than ever.

It's been a hard term.

But I've been learning alot.

Unsurprisingly I suppose- the hard things have been nosing me toward God, and I've actually seen my trust in God grow. My huge fears about the future and what we might be doing are still there, but they now stand along side a strange new feeling, a sense that maybe uncertainty and suffering are okay- if they are for Jesus.

And I've rediscovered in the last 4 weeks a love for my job.

As term began I knew I was leading a Bible study- and I knew I didn't have time for it. I felt a bit resentful that once again something had fallen to me to do- because there was no one else. My feelings where not helped when the first week for various good reasons- no one came. I sat in the room where the Bible study was suppose to be and managed just to hold in my tears.

The next week Bible study happened. And it was wonderful!

I forgot how much I loved leading Bible study. I forgot how special it is to sit down with other Christian women and see what God has to say to us. In my frustration at the situation I forgot the privileged that it is to serve.

So those are some of the things that have been going on. I am very tired and weary, and looking forward to the holidays so I can stop, and work four days for a change :)
So tired in fact, that I can't think of a good end to this post. So...
love B

Sans Tim

2010-03-26T23:11:00.005+11:00

Some reflections of my week sans-Tim.

-It was great to have heaps of time with people this week. I am an extrovert extraordinaire who has her people time partially curtailed by a slightly less extroverted husband. But without Tim I knew I'd go crazy being alone so I had lots of catch ups and it was wonderful. Though I have to say it was weird to get to the end of the day and not be able to tell Tim all about it! It made me appreciate again all the interesting, unique and absolutely lovely people I have in my life. Seriously- do other people have such crazy, wonderful friends too?

-I'm not good at being alone in my house without a book, the TV or the Internet to occupy me. It is actually quite a sad state of affairs. Ironically I lead a Bible study which involved prayer on Thursday and we talked about how hard it was to prioritise it- so I practice what I preached and instead of turning on the TV or opening a book over dinner I talked to God.

-Christian books are great. Actually- I realised this just before Tim went away- as I found myself enjoying the books I was reading to prepare for some Revelation studies I'm leading with our youth. But it was after he left that I decided that reading a bit of a Christian book before bed each night would be fun, and so far it's proven right!

-I feel more godly when I don't have someone there to sin against. I don't think I AM more godly when Tim is away- its just that selfishness is less evident when it's only you seeing it!

-God was soooo good. Almost (almost) without exception I had a fantastic, fun, encouraging ministry week. I didn't come home once needing to "debrief" or "refresh" after a difficult conversation or situation. This was a direct answer to my prayer of "Dear God, please make it a week where I don't come home discouraged or upset and then have no one to comfort me".

-I think God did help make me more resilient, which is good because with a life of ministry ahead of us I'm sure this won't be the last time we spent more than a week apart.

It was a great week. But I missed Tim even more than I thought I would and it was so great to stop by and see him today. Probably the best thing to come out of this week was just realising just how special Tim is and the richness, fun and wisdom he brings into my life.
All in all lots to be thankful for.
love B

Mission time...and NZ

2010-03-18T13:37:00.011+11:00

When its time to write a blog post- conveniently under the box where I write is a box to "label" my posts. They have suggestions of what you might label your posts, like "Vacation", "Fall" and..."scooters"?

the other ones are very American, but I can't exactly work out why enough people in this wide world would blog about scooters for it to be a "e.g." of what to label a post!

Anyway, this is just a way of introducing the fact that I am writing about two very different things today, and it will be labeled accordingly.

Mission time:
On Sunday Tim will be away for 8 days on College Mission. He is going to Pitt town (I know what your thinking, it sounds like a HOLE!!!!), where he will be helping out with various bits and pieces as well as preaching during the evening service on the 28th of July. Please pray for him and the team.

But also pray for me. I'm beginning to feel a little petty about this, particularly as some wives are having 8 days looking after kids without their husbands. But I am really nervous about it. I hate being home alone, and I'm really going to miss him. Pray for me too- particularly that I will get better at coping without him- as I'm sure I will have to do at various stages in our ministry careers!

NZ- just because until now I haven't put any photos up or talked about NZ and I think I should show you at least a few snaps. It was wonderful and beautiful and just what I needed.

Just a bit of a snap shot of the lovely scenery- and the only "selfie" I was happy with out of the 8 or so we took :)
love B

Melbourne Moment

2010-03-10T19:37:00.004+11:00

I'm started doing the strangest thing.

When I draw into St Leonards station- I close my eyes just before we pull up.

You see, most of the time, in my day to day life- I don't ever think I'm in Melbourne. It's not that Sydney is not lots like Melbourne in lots of places- but the places I lived and worked in Melbourne and the places I live at and work at and visit in Melbourne are just so different.

But one day last week when I was pulling into St Leonard's station I had a weird moment. You see, for a second I thought I was pulling up to Box Hill station. Not that there is anything special about Box Hill station- nothing special other than the fact it is in Melbourne.

And so I've gotten into the strange habit of closing my eyes at that moment. Because a few seconds later I see the big St Leonard's sign and we come out the other side of the tunnel and I know I'm in Sydney. I try to saver my Melbourne moment just that little bit longer.

It's strange to be homesick when I'm going to Melbourne tonight. But short trips are funny. They are a taste, rather than a bite, of what it is like to live there. So it will be wonderful and unsatisfying.

Homesick can overwhelm if I let it. But I don't.

When I was a kid, we lived in the states for two years. When people ask me how I find it I say "Wonderful..." and then I have to pause and clarify, "Well, I was really homesick and didn't realise how good it was when I was there but I look back and it was great".

I was so homesick in the States- I feel a wasted what was a really unique, special time in my life.

I don't want to do that here.

I don't want to look back on four years of moaning and groaning.

I want to LIVE Sydney.

So I keep homesickness at bay.

But each day I go to work I close my eyes on the train. I remember how much I love Melbourne and I grieve a little. And then I get on with my life.
love B

'Fraidie-Cat

2010-03-01T09:17:00.005+11:00

Most of the time, when people talk to me about money, about how we survive- I give a glib answer about how it's not so bad, and how God has provided.

But I think I give an impression that I am someone who is incredibly trustful of God to provide for me everything I need.

That's not true. I'm a stressor, and I am a particular stressor about money. It is true that God has provided, he has done amazing, amazing things to look after us, such as finding us great places to live, providing generous supporters at various times in our ministry training, and he unexpectedly handed me my job when I was least expecting it.

But there are times when I just don't trust him at all.

One of those times was Saturday night.

That day, when Tim was away at a men's convention, I had opened up our latest credit card bill. I don't know why it didn't hit me then, maybe because it was a beautiful day and I was happy and content, and not overtired and grumpy and stressed about the ministry day ahead.

But that night- the flood gates opened.

You see the credit card bill was (almost) exactly equal to the amount in our savings account. As I told Tim about the amount- I began to cry.

I began to cry because for the first time since we'd gotten married- we weren't going to have any savings. Savings for me were such a safety net. Oh well, I would say, even if x or y happens, at least we have savings.

Tim and I talked and talked and talked about it. He tried to comfort me, he tried to remind me of God's goodness to us. He tried to talk about how it would all be okay, that God would provide as he always did. He said, as he always says, that if I can't handle it we don't have to do this- he can go back to town-planning for a few years, or even forever.

And through out our conversation I kept interrupting him to yell at God, to say, I just can't take it anymore Father, why does everything have to be so hard!

The next day Tim was unexpectedly given his check for his student minister position at church. It will clear before the credit card bill comes out- meaning that my fear of having no savings will not eventuate- we will have more savings at the end of next week than we did at the start of this week.

I think sometimes when you are a women preparing to be a ministry wife- people look up to you and go "Wow, I could never do that". They think of the things that I am giving up- perhaps owning a big house, or even ever owning a house, the financial security, knowing where we will be living and having a choice in the matter. They think I must be really brave and really strong in my faith.

I'm not brave, I'm one of the biggest fraidie-cats I know. And there are times when my faith is as small as a mustard seed.

But I have a great God who somehow in his grace and goodness- provides for me anyway.
love B

Vomit Free since 2003

2010-02-27T09:45:00.004+11:00

All this week their has been lots of discussion among Tim and I and friends about vomit. Tim was pretty sick this week- poor boy- and much of it happening while I was away at a meeting at church!

Tim has very sadly been telling people that before this he was "Vomit Free since 2003" (it was actually technically 2005 but I don't have the heart to remind him as it doesn't rhyme as well).

Anyway- at some stage during the week Tim was explaining how he didn't quite make it to the toilet once.

Tim: "I got it on the floor, i got it on the shower mat, I got it on the toilet seat, I got it in the bath"

Me: "WHAT! I've had a bath since then!"

Tim: (half sheepish and half cheeky) "Well, at least we know it's clean now!"
love B

The Power of the Word

2010-02-25T14:59:00.003+11:00

This week has been a wonderful ministry week- even if its been not so good on the home-front (I've had a poor sick vomiting Tim on my hands).

After 6 months of trying I've got to meet up to read the Bible with two Mum's who became Christians in the last 12-18 months. One of the surprises I had was how hard it is to pin a Mum down for coffee and Bible study- even when their child is in Day-care or being minded by someone else. Mum's are so busy even when the kids aren't there, it can be hard in their minds to justify the "luxury" of sitting down with someone to read the Bible.

But I wanted to share one story in relation to one of the Mums.

She became a Christian through someone else- about 4 weeks after I met her and she started coming to church. It was really exciting. And then her 1 year old daughter, who had been living with her mum, came to live with her.

Life became (quite understandably) crazy, as she got re-used to being a full-time Mum, and a functional single one at that (her husband works in another country and only can visit once in a while).

I really wanted to encourage her in her faith but she didn't feel up to coming to church or Bible study or Bible reading or anything.

I was despairing a bit- how could i help her in this difficult stage, and convince her that it was important?

I was trying to work out how best to encourage her one day when myself, her and her daughter went out for lunch. She was really stressed and so I pulled out the Bible and read the bit in Philippians about not being anxious and praying and I explained how this helped me when I was stressed to remember that the best thing to do when you are stressed is to pray and hand it to God. She liked it so much that I copied it out on a piece of paper with a nice picture for her to stick up on her wall.

And as the months progressed she kept talking about how much it helped her, when she was stressed she would look at the verse and remember to pray, and remember God was working in her. She used it so much she learnt it by heart and every week or so she would have different things she had learnt from it that she wanted to tell me.

It was excited to see even a few verses of the Bible changing someone life.

Now we are actually reading the Bible together once a fortnight. It's so exciting seeing how hungry she is to read the Bible and to have God change her to be more like Jesus.
Yay! Praise God for great ministry weeks.
love B

Funnest Game Ever

2010-02-22T11:23:00.002+11:00

Now- to start with, I know that Funnest is not a real word, and though I don't think either of them actually used that word- it makes me think of Elle Wood from Legally Blond or Cher from Clueless. I feel like such a twit when i use it normally.

But sometimes it just fits.

We had our 3rd year weekend away this last weekend. College weekends away are really special- particularly this one as rather than going home to our our separate lives- we are going home to College accommodation- so many people now living just down the road!

I caught up with some old friends- most my age- but as is often my way I made a few friends under 5 as well. Playing with kids on weekend away is a win-win because not only do I get to spend time with some gorgeous kiddies, but I make the parents really happy by giving them a break. My 2.75 year old buddy Archie is normally not the most affectionate of kiddies, but on the weekend he was on my lap singing to himself "bee, bee, bee, bee. bee, bee, bee, bee". Pretty cute.

Anyway- on to the Funnest thing.

We had a movie trivia night. Now Trivia is one of my things. I love it- and even though I don't know movies that well- I had a blast.

But how cool is this as an activity!

Each team was given a budget of 30 million. We were then given a list of famous actors, places, prop options (like a pirate ship or a light sabre), and extras. Using this list and staying under budget- we needed to write a summary of what our film would be.

I was totally in my element!

Myself, and the two other members of my team who like this kind of thing sat down for 15 minutes and 'wrote' our movie. It ended up being the story of Elvira (played by Judy Dench), who was dumped by Edward Cullin, and who turns into a leather clad zombie-killing biker chick- who eventually falls for a zombiafied Hugh Jackman. They finally get revenge against Edward and his zombie girlfriend Hilary Duff by murdering them at an Areosmith concert.

It was the Funnest.
love B

Typical Monday

2010-02-08T14:30:00.004+11:00

It's Monday 2:30pm.

I haven't yet gone for my walk

I still don't know if the people I invited to dinner are coming

I still haven't thought about dinner, which means i haven't given Tim the shopping list, which means he hasn't gone shopping yet.

I still haven't got the house clean enough for when people do come.

I still haven't started unpacking boxes so I can find the little book I need for Playgroup tomorrow.

I still haven't seen my friend who I was going to visit this Arvo. Now that I think about it- I still haven't text to see if she is still free to catch up anyway.

It's Monday and I'm recovering from a big Sunday.

Sometimes I feel lazy that I get so little done on Monday.

Except on Mondays. I'm too exhausted to think about it.

I'm so glad I'm still working only 4 days a week!
love B

Fun Stats

2010-02-05T16:53:00.002+11:00

The title of this post is in honour of my sister- a soon to be Dr of the much maligned discipline of Statistics!

One of the drama's of going to Melbourne for a month is working out how best to work on my story. Do I put it on a memory stick. Do I put it on the laptop? Do I write in a notebook? Of course before I leave I have big dreams that I will be using much of my holiday time to work on my story.

Normally it doesn't happen.

This time I did do quite a bit of work on my story, writing in a notebook and thinking hard as Tim and I traveled around New Zealand. Blessed man that he is- Tim was quite happy to spend from half an hour to 2 hours talking about my story most days of our trip, and even gave me a special notebook and pen for Christmas to take on our trip!

But I couldn't remember whether I had actually used the lap-top to record my story, and therefore whether I needed to take the study computer copy of my story and replace it with my laptop copy of my story (confusing hey!). So I went onto the laptop, opened the document, and looked in the property section, to find out that on Dec 20th I did indeed open up my story- and modify it. It turns out that lots of information about my story had also been stored

Which leads me to my fun stats.

Did you know:

I started my novel (in its current form) on the 10th of July, 2007
It has been revised 191 times
The total editing time has been 4400 minutes (73 hours)

It currently has:
118 pages
1016 paragraphs
34,045 words!

Still lots to do, but cool to see none the less!
love B

Work, weddings, and 5 years

2010-01-30T10:54:00.004+11:00

This week, as well as being a hard week, has been a very exciting week!

It was a hard week because I started work, and though sometimes I love my work, I DO NOT like the first few weeks of the year. I'm partially writing this so that next year I will remember and be prepared.

Do you want to know a secret? The first 2 weeks of doing my job I was actually really depressed because I kept thinking "I can't believe I've signed up for a job that I find so hard. How am I going to survive this year?"

But then I got to the 3rd week, and it all started to come together.

The truth is that I am not a desk job/organising the masses kind of person- but that is one aspect of my job. And I can bear it when I also get to spend times with Women and Kids and teach the Bible. But on the weeks when all I do is sit at a computer trying to organise materials and teams of people I get very depressed and very stressed. So while I feel overwhelmed that this time next week everything will be up and running- I am also relieved at the thought.

It was an exciting week because of weddings!

As previously started, my friend Fi is getting married. It's been fun chatting about it, fun thinking about it. I get to be a bridesmaid which I am very excited about (and honoured). I have friends who have been bridesmaids a few times and so things like dress shopping and hens night and hairstyles are just things that don't excite them. But having only been a bridesmaid once when I was in year 8 (for my Auntie Clare)- this stuff is very, very exciting for me. And even more, it will be so precious to get to be so involved in such a special day- and to assist her and encourage her as she prepares for this new stage of life as a wife. Dresses and flowers are all very well, but to be able to pray with her on the morning of her wedding is I suspect going to be the most special thing.

And- it was an exciting week because yesterday Tim and I were married 5 years. I am very thankful to God for the way he has sustained us through this time (not to mention for all the fun we have had along the way:) ). One thing we did yesterday was go through all the ways that we thought each other had grown in the years of marriage. It was encouraging to know that in Tim's eyes I was a better wife now than when we married and vise-versea!

Anyway, that's my week (trying to think up a more exciting end to this post but can't be bothered!)
love B

Yay!

2010-01-26T13:17:00.003+11:00

And on a happier note.

My friend Fi and her boyfriend Matt are engaged!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I'm just a little excited)

My prayers are with you both during this exciting time.

love B

Back to work stress

2010-01-26T13:08:00.003+11:00

Today is my first in the office day of the year.

And yes, I do realise it's Australia Day.

My first 7 days of work were non-office days, two Sundays and one wonderful week helping out on a Youth and Children's leader's training camp.

But now the rubber hits the road:

-Sunday School

-Creche Rosters

-Tuesday Playgroup

-Wednesday Playgroup? (Not technically my responsibility but I don't think it is anyone else's yet either so have to make sure that someone is sorting things out)

-Koorong shop

-Craft Supplies

-Toy cleaning (Tomorrow is the day where we get all the playgroup toys out and sanitise them for another year of fun in the mouths of local children)

-Schedual and planning for Tim and my Junior Youth Biblestudy/group

-Praying for my sanity and that God in his mercy will use this crazy, disorganised servant to bless the children and women of my church.

And that is why I am working on Australia day.

love B
PS (photos of new house and NZ coming up when we actually have internet at home)

I'm back

2010-01-17T16:18:00.002+11:00

I'm back.

Back in the country

Back in Sydney.

Back at church.

But I am not back in Stanmore. Because as of Friday Tim and I moved into our new house! I actually really like it. I'm not sure if that's because its so new that it's like we are living in a hotel (only a hotel filled with boxes), but I suspect it's just because it's such a cool little place. There is still lots of fun to be had- we don't have any hot water because Tim didn't realise it was gas and so didn't organise for gas to come in, and there are an awful lot of boxes (some full some empty) cuttering the pathways between everything but it's got our stuff in it and our pictures and it feels like home. The home feeling was heavily emphasised also by the three couples who provided lunch, dinner, and cookies/tea for us (and these are two couples we know vaguely and one I had never met!) The benefits of living in a Bible College community house.

New Zealand and Melbourne were both amazingly wonderful. I don't really have time to go into detail but as this is the one time I get internet access before Tim and I head off to a camp I thought I should at least let you know that much.

Feeling overwhelmed with the prospect of the year ahead, but so much more calm after today- just seeing the people i serve and going "Oh that's right, I love these people" makes the work ahead seem more achievable.

love B

Mood lighting

2010-01-02T07:43:00.002+11:00

Tim and I are in NZ.

Yes I know what your thinking! Get off the computer and get exploring. Well, Tim is upstairs negociating with the car rental car to get our car early so we can do that. But with free internet at our hotel I thought I might as well get on here before we head off into the wilderness.

Our hotel was a cheap option. It is the funkiest hotel I have ever seen. Very, very modern furniture. The tinest room you have ever seen. An automatic "wake up" system which involves turning music on, putting on the tv with a screen advertising their breakfast menu and telling you the current Christchurch weather, and putting on "sunlight-like" light above your bed. But the coolest thing is the mood lighting. 5 different colours of lights depending on what mood your in. My favourite was the red.